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Firstly, I don't want this to be viewed as another "I hate my Dad" threads. I mean absolutely no disrespect to those who no longer have their fathers. My Dad is getting up there in years, somewhat, and that's what makes his behavior all the more hurtful to everyone.
He has always been conservative, but lately he's become pretty much an over-conservative, fundie nightmare. My parents have custody of their oldest grandson and have for ten years. My nephew will be 18 in May. For the past couple of years, Dad has been really hard on him in every way possible. Dad is a truck driver and only home every few weeks. But when he does come home, pretty much all he does is make comments about how we don't get up early enough, how we stay up too late, how whatever we might be reading or watching at the moment is an abomination and corrupting our minds. Saturday he was home, and the temp barely hit 45F. He wanted nephew to go outside and spray primer on some parts of nephew's care that they are restoring. When 15 minutes had gone by and nephew hadn't yet gone out, he demanded that he come out of his room, looked him in the eye and yelled "C, I asked you to do that, WHY haven't you done it? The sun is still SHINING OUT THERE!" We learned from a phone convo with my sister that Dad called her later this week and informed her proudly that he ordered nephew to shave off the goatee he's been growing. ORDERED. Sure, it's dumb looking, but all teenaged boys go through that. He's also constantly yelling at him to go out and put in job applications and can't figure out why no one has hired him yet. Um, hello? He's not 18 yet, doesn't have the best grades, and we're in a damn recession. No one is hiring. Those of us with degrees and certifications are having trouble getting a job, and he's wondering why a below average minor can't get hired in a snap! He also bought him a book about the book of Proverbs and calls him twice a week to see if he's read and/or memorized it yet, and then puts him down for not having done it. This kid will be 18 soon, and I'm afraid that when he is, he's going to be quite gone. He's not exactly had the greatest life, and treating him like this at such a crucial time in his life is so not what he needs.
Other times, we'll be trying to have a meal and Dad will ask Mom and me quite pointedly if we've even read the serving sizes on whatever we're eating. He'll then make a big deal about only taking bird size portions and then loudly declaring how full he is. It would really hurt a lot less if he just came out and said we were fat. He calls five or more times a day asking "What's on our agenda" and then calling back over and over with suggestions for pointless little busy jobs he's thought up for us to do. When he's home, he's up at the buttcrack of dawn and wanting us all to go outside and do whatever insane manual labor he's thought of, because "It needs to be done." When I try to reason that the world won't come crashing down if he doesn't trim trees or weedwhack around the house, he'll insist that it NEEDS done and acts as if it's a tragedy because we don't share his feelings. He calls several times a day to rant and rave about whatever government conspiracy he's heard about on the radio, or why Obama is a Nazi or some crazy nonsense like that. He'll pester my sister with the same sorts of rants as well. He also likes to present us and random other people with long, drawn out sermons. Literally, sermons.
We've told him as kindly as possible over and over again how much these behaviors hurt us, but he continues to do them and then wonders why no one seems to answer his phone calls or want to be alone in a room with him.
I just really don't know what to do.
He has always been conservative, but lately he's become pretty much an over-conservative, fundie nightmare. My parents have custody of their oldest grandson and have for ten years. My nephew will be 18 in May. For the past couple of years, Dad has been really hard on him in every way possible. Dad is a truck driver and only home every few weeks. But when he does come home, pretty much all he does is make comments about how we don't get up early enough, how we stay up too late, how whatever we might be reading or watching at the moment is an abomination and corrupting our minds. Saturday he was home, and the temp barely hit 45F. He wanted nephew to go outside and spray primer on some parts of nephew's care that they are restoring. When 15 minutes had gone by and nephew hadn't yet gone out, he demanded that he come out of his room, looked him in the eye and yelled "C, I asked you to do that, WHY haven't you done it? The sun is still SHINING OUT THERE!" We learned from a phone convo with my sister that Dad called her later this week and informed her proudly that he ordered nephew to shave off the goatee he's been growing. ORDERED. Sure, it's dumb looking, but all teenaged boys go through that. He's also constantly yelling at him to go out and put in job applications and can't figure out why no one has hired him yet. Um, hello? He's not 18 yet, doesn't have the best grades, and we're in a damn recession. No one is hiring. Those of us with degrees and certifications are having trouble getting a job, and he's wondering why a below average minor can't get hired in a snap! He also bought him a book about the book of Proverbs and calls him twice a week to see if he's read and/or memorized it yet, and then puts him down for not having done it. This kid will be 18 soon, and I'm afraid that when he is, he's going to be quite gone. He's not exactly had the greatest life, and treating him like this at such a crucial time in his life is so not what he needs.
Other times, we'll be trying to have a meal and Dad will ask Mom and me quite pointedly if we've even read the serving sizes on whatever we're eating. He'll then make a big deal about only taking bird size portions and then loudly declaring how full he is. It would really hurt a lot less if he just came out and said we were fat. He calls five or more times a day asking "What's on our agenda" and then calling back over and over with suggestions for pointless little busy jobs he's thought up for us to do. When he's home, he's up at the buttcrack of dawn and wanting us all to go outside and do whatever insane manual labor he's thought of, because "It needs to be done." When I try to reason that the world won't come crashing down if he doesn't trim trees or weedwhack around the house, he'll insist that it NEEDS done and acts as if it's a tragedy because we don't share his feelings. He calls several times a day to rant and rave about whatever government conspiracy he's heard about on the radio, or why Obama is a Nazi or some crazy nonsense like that. He'll pester my sister with the same sorts of rants as well. He also likes to present us and random other people with long, drawn out sermons. Literally, sermons.
We've told him as kindly as possible over and over again how much these behaviors hurt us, but he continues to do them and then wonders why no one seems to answer his phone calls or want to be alone in a room with him.
I just really don't know what to do.
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