Parents who don't monitor their children on the internet

[elsporko]

No, a lover tends to be a person you are in love with. Thats why the word love in part of it.

[Nyoibo]

Actually the dictionary says both definitions are correct, so I'm going to say your both wrong, just because I can.

[DesignFox]

I'm with Ree in that, to me, the word lover has sexual connotations. I would be disturbed if I had a child and they were using such an application.

Find your crush, find out who you will marry, evoke the fairytale princess ideas...I could see a young girl doing stuff like that (it's practically smashed in our faces that we're "supposed" to do those things).

Then again, I'm also wondering what an 11 year old needs a Facebook page for.

To each their own. I think children are losing innocence a lot faster than they used to, and I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that the internet exposes them to a lot of stuff they otherwise wouldn't get exposed to at such a young age. I don't know if it's good or bad, but it is definitely different from when I was growing up. I don't envy parents their job in today's world.

[elsporko]

Children are not losing innocence faster then in the past. Go back a 120 years and 11 year olds would be married and employed in cole mines. Stop comparing reality to a past that never actually happened

[Ree]

I suspect we are talking about different types of "innocence" here.
You're muddying the issue a bit just to be contrary, I think.

While you're right that many young children were heading out to work in coal mines, and girls were sometimes married at a young age, those children you mentioned weren't being constantly exposed to half dressed women and men in magazines and newspaper ads, nor was there sexual innuendo on the radio or in the movies.

In fact, for some of those young girls, their wedding night was their first exposure to sex of any kind. It simply was not talked about and was kept behind the bedroom door.

There was no television or internet, and people didn't have access to movies in the same way they do now.

Even the comic strips in the newspaper have become filled with adult themes when compared to the comics read by people over 100 years ago.

Perhaps I came from a very naive world, but when I was very young, I certainly didn't know about sex in the same way that children today did.
I certainly didn't work in any coal mines, nor was I married and having babies at 12.

These days, children as young as 4 or 5 know about babies practically as soon as the egg is fertilized, and can describe in graphic detail how the baby gets out of mommy's tummy.

When my baby sister was born, I was 4 years old, and I didn't even have a clue there was a baby on the way.

I was rudely brought into the "adult" world of sex when I became a victim of childhood sexual abuse, and innocence was lost, but I certainly did not know what the hell was happening to me at the time, because these things simply were not discussed with children.

Perhaps that's part of the reason why I get upset when I see young children being allowed access to that type of stuff as if it's just harmless fluff and fun.

[elsporko]

So you think repression and secrets are better then open honesty when it comes to sex and children? Thats why we have so many pregnant teens (nobody tells them about birth control) and why sometimes when children or teens are sexually assaulted they don't tell anybody (they are too ashamed to talk about it because they have never talked about anything sexual with their parents)

[McDreidel09]

I don't think Ree meant teenagers. Eleven is hardly a teen. I think Ree means that younger and younger children are being exposed to sex and don't need to be. I notice it too. Single digit agers talking about sex is a little disturbing and I am all for giving children knowledge that they need. However, at eight years old, you should still be playing and innocent.

Teenagers, on the other hand, should have the knowledge about sex and birth control.

[the_std]

I would argue that the fact that children are being exposed to sex earlier in life is a great reason to teach them the facts and the truth at an earlier age. If they don't hear it the truth, they could base their opinions on playground rumours (you know what kind of truth mills THOSE are) and decide to become sexually active at an earlier age.

I completely believe that exposing kids to the truth sooner rather than later about a lot of things results in less turmoil and trouble down the road. I'm not saying tell them about stuff they don't need to know, say, how a land mind can blow you apart or how children can be raped, but stuff that they will hear from other people, stuff they need to know.

[Ree]

So you think repression and secrets are better then open honesty when it comes to sex and children?

Yes.
That's right.

That's exactly what I was saying.
How very profound of you to read that into my carefully worded comment.

Here I thought I was hiding my sexual repression and yet you spotted it.

Colour me impressed.

[DesignFox]

I knew what I was saying, and I see that you knew what I was saying, Ree.

When I was a kid, the most exposure to sex we got was from the fuzzy channels on the TV that we'd sneak a peak at when mom and dad weren't looking.

NOW the most innocent of web searches can shove a graphic porno site in your face, riddle your computer with pop ups, and bring more than just pictures of naked bodies to your screen....

Kids need FACTS. Kids need EDUCATION from their parents. No one is saying to pull the wool over their eyes. But the simple fact is, kids are getting more and more information at an earlier age...most of it, shit they don't need to know about.

They are also getting exposed to more and more adult content earlier and earlier. It's the prime reason I don't befriend kids on Facebook. I'm an ADULT. My 10 year old cousin doesn't need to see photos of me with a beer in my hand at the hockey game (which is the most outrageous photo you'll ever see tagged of me).

Fact is these kids are being presented with a) drinking. b) drug use. c) sex. all at once. and all very quickly. They get more in depth and personal glimpses into the adult world much earlier on and much more easily. They aren't just surrounded by other kids their age doing age appropriate things.

Most of us only knew what our peers did..which was all pretty much filtered to be age appropriate. It's not so easy for parents to do that, anymore. Peer pressure is a powerful thing, and if you are surrounded by glorified images of people doing things you aren't old enough to understand...it's quite easy to get yourself into trouble.

Now I remember why I've stopped posting for the past couple of weeks. I get sick of splitting hairs.

[Ree]

Kids need FACTS. Kids need EDUCATION from their parents. No one is saying to pull the wool over their eyes. But the simple fact is, kids are getting more and more information at an earlier age...most of it, shit they don't need to know about.

Exactly.

If a parent wants to educate a very young child about the mechanics of actual human reproduction, that's their choice.

I do have a problem with children being constantly bombarded with adult concepts and issues before they are really emotionally mature enough to handle it.

Sometimes, all they have is this "Hollywood" version of human relationships and sexuality, and they are poorly prepared to handle the real thing.

So you think repression and secrets are better then open honesty when it comes to sex and children? Thats why we have so many pregnant teens (nobody tells them about birth control)

Sadly, many parents choose not to sit down and discuss it with their child at all, so they are left to their own devices where that stuff is concerned.

If parents would step up to the plate and monitor what their children are being exposed to on the internet (as well as on TV, in movies, games, books and comics) and talk to their children about these things instead of letting the media be the babysitter and source of information regarding sexuality, we probably wouldn't have such a problem with teen pregnancy.

However, when I suggested that parents monitor their children on the internet because I was concerned about an 11 year old child looking for a "lover" using a Facebook app, I was accused of overreacting.

I don't understand why a girl using an ap that just picks a random person to be her "lover" is bad?

Oh, and by the way:

sometimes when children or teens are sexually assaulted they don't tell anybody (they are too ashamed to talk about it because they have never talked about anything sexual with their parents)

I can assure you that the shame and guilt of being sexually abused, and the mind games played by the adult abuser usually have far more to do with the child keeping it a secret than the fact that Mommy and Daddy never talked about sex with them.

[elsporko]

In Drew Carey's autobiography he reveals he was molested as a child. He doesn't go into detail but one thing he says is that he never told anybody about it because in that day parents just didn't talk about sex with their kids.

Those who are molested feel shame and guilt, why is that? Could it be that to them sex is this mysterious thing that must be bad because nobody would dare ever talk about it? Maybe if there was an open dialogue and the child felt comfortable about sex they wouldn't feel any more shame or guilt then if it was any other crime committed against them.

[kibbles]

I don't think anyone overreacted because everyone views it different and IMO to say "oh you are overreacting" is not fair. But, for me personally, I don't see a problem with anyone using the application. JMO.

[Kimmik]

In Drew Carey's autobiography he reveals he was molested as a child. He doesn't go into detail but one thing he says is that he never told anybody about it because in that day parents just didn't talk about sex with their kids.

Those who are molested feel shame and guilt, why is that? Could it be that to them sex is this mysterious thing that must be bad because nobody would dare ever talk about it? Maybe if there was an open dialogue and the child felt comfortable about sex they wouldn't feel any more shame or guilt then if it was any other crime committed against them.

Bullshit.. My folks were very blunt about sex I still felt shame and guilt and still do. Because I must have done something or I didn't do something.. and because I was to weak to defend myself *i know that is not the case but it was my thinking*

Adults know about sex but a person that is raped/molested still feels guilt and shame because of the what ifs.

[McDreidel09]

Those who are molested feel shame and guilt, why is that? Could it be that to them sex is this mysterious thing that must be bad because nobody would dare ever talk about it?

I was talked to about sex, more from my dad because my mom wouldn't so much, but I got the talk from him.

Guess what? I was raped. Guess what? I feel guilty.

Why? Well, I feel like I should have been able to prevent it. It was with someone I was dating. I should have gotten out the first time it happened, but I didn't because I had low self esteem and I convinced myself that I would end up alone if I left him. Finally, I did leave him. To this day, I feel like that I should have prevented it.

But I did get the talk.