Psychochild (long rant)

[DrFaroohk]

So the little five year old sociopath that lives here has done it again - "it" being that he tells people I hit him and it gets me in trouble.

To start off on the right foot here - no, I do not, nor have I ever, hit my stepson. I don't hit him, punch him, kick him, burn him with cigarettes, or anything else abusive. Sometimes I jokingly say something like "Man, I used to get smacked for doing that, you're so lucky."

The only times I get physical with him at all are if he's A) freaking out over something and punching and kicking and spazzing out, I will restrain him. I'll hold his arms down and basically immobilize him until he's over his fit. I suppose I could just let him throw the fit, but my testicles can't take too much more abuse. Not to mention that when he's flailing about having his tantrum, he could hurt himself, or his little sister, or break something valuable.

The only other time is when he is supposed to go somewhere and he won't go, i.e. for a timeout. I always give him the choice - he can walk there himself, or I can drag him. I don't drag him across a sandpaper floor with nails sticking out. I just take him by the hand, make sure he understands whats going on, and then I start walking towards his room, and if he wants to walk he can, and if he doesn't he can be dragged.

Neither of these things has ever so much as left a bruise, a scrape, or even a fleeting red mark. He's never cried out in pain when it happens.

Which isn't to say that I'm a model parent, because I am far from it. I try, but I just suck at it, and I find it all too easy to just say "here, watch this movie" so he'll leave me alone. But there's a world of difference between ignoring him and beating him.

The worst is that people so readily believe it. Of course! Five year olds NEVER EVER LIE! They're the most honest people in the world. Furthermore, they have the most amazing grip on reality! Hey Jeffrey, who brought you presents at christmas? Oh, Santa? SANTA? Who left you that money under your pillow? Oh, it was the tooth fairy!

Or how about...Hey Jeffrey, who colored on your wall with permanent marker? Oh, it was the ghost, wasn't it.

Yeah, you're real fucking credible.

I understand why someone would be curious, but when he tells people I punch him in the face...are you fucking serious? LOOK AT HIM! Do you see any compound skull fractures anywhere? Huh? Or how about when he tells people I "lay on him". In terms of body weight I'm 7 times this kid's size - wtf are you retarded? Are you that friggin stupid? LOOK AT HIM!!!!! DO YOU SEE A BODY CAST ON THIS KID!?!?!???!?

But he keeps it up, and I keep getting "spoken to" by people. They like to pretend its a friendly warning, and that they believe me, but of course if they really believed me they wouldn't feel the need to tell me not to hit him.

He tells people I punch him, I hit him, I lay on him, I pick him up and throw him into the wall - and people gobble this shit up! What the hell?!?!? It's like I'm living on a gigantic shortbus.

I've been lucky so far that nothing serious has come of it, other than just a "friendly chat" over the ordeal, but one of these days he's going to say that shit to his teacher or something and oh boy, here comes the cops.

Its days like this that make me just want to head out the door and hop on a bus and never look the fuck back. Then when baby girl grows up and gets to ask "Where's daddy?" he gets to explain "Well baby, because I'm a lying, obnoxious little sociopath I decided to make your daddy go away just because I can."

I wish his father would get the bottle away from his lips and the needle out of his arm, get his fucking shit together and take this snotnosed little bastard off my hands, because I'm sick of him. I've had e-fucking-nuff. I've tried, I've really been trying to get along and to actually like the kid, but you know what? I don't. I don't give a flying fuck anymore. If he got kidnapped on his way home from school, I'd breathe a sigh of relief and go about my day.

[Hobbs]

Is there a way you could separate and keep custody of your daughter (which, by your statements I assume is yours)? I wouldn't put up with that either. There's a lot to be said for stepfather's; the man I love and give father's day gifts to is my stepfather, but I'll never call him that. He's more a father to me than that bastard sperm donor of mine. Keep up the good fight, you're in a noble profession.

Remember, even Jesus had a stepfather

[DrFaroohk]

Well for all the ranting I do I'm just blowing smoke. I'm not going anywhere, I'm not going to disown my stepson or anything like that. Because more than anything else I love my wife and can't imagine my life without her. So for her I put up with it. Well, for me really, because being with her makes me happy, and putting up with him is just something I gotta do to be with her.

Last father's day I heard a joke on the radio about stepfathers and how there should be a stepfathers day. The guy said every time his stepkid yells "YOU"RE NOT MY FATHER!" he wants to retort with "Yeah, you can actually FIND me."

[Fryk]

So what does his mom say about all this?

[elsporko]

Why don't you get the kid some therapy if its such an issue. I just hope the kid really is exaggerating and you aren't underplaying your discipline methods.

[HYHYBT]

So what does his mom say about all this?

Exactly what I was going to ask! But also, more generally, how *do* parents deal with kids who like to claim nonexistent abuse?

[crashhelmet]

So what does his mom say about all this?

This is what it all comes down to. if your wife allows him to continue, it will continue until he drives you away through divorce or prison. Your wife needs to step up and support you.

The day will come when he does get a bruise from falling, or even self-inflicted, and then no one will believe you.

I just finished a 3 year battle with Child Protective Services because of my lazy, alcoholic ex. It's not fun. it cost me way too much in time, stress, reputation, and money.

Get your wife out of the middle and on your side. God help you if she tries to justify his actions.

CH

[Wingates_Hellsing]

I have to agree with Crashhelmet here, this needs dealt with before something happens.

As someone who's been (ludicrously) accused of molesting an aquainted child for no reason other than a fit of that child's petulance, I can sympathize. The only reason I'm not worried is the plentiful evidence in my favor an against her, this however lacks evidence for either you or the demon-child.

And, as Crash pointed out, the very real possibility of incidental 'proof' of abuse exists and it's best to head it off...

[DrFaroohk]

Why don't you get the kid some therapy if its such an issue. I just hope the kid really is exaggerating and you aren't underplaying your discipline methods.

I guess its my fault, as the post was so long, but if you read carefully you'd have seen:

no, I do not, nor have I ever, hit my stepson. I don't hit him, punch him, kick him, burn him with cigarettes, or anything else abusive.

I suppose its hard to miss, although it was at the very beginning of the section so you should have seen it before you got bored. In case you missed it AGAIN....

no, I do not, nor have I ever, hit my stepson. I don't hit him, punch him, kick him, burn him with cigarettes, or anything else abusive.

Now, here it is one more time:

no, I do not, nor have I ever, hit my stepson. I don't hit him, punch him, kick him, burn him with cigarettes, or anything else abusive.

Any other questions? That not clear enough for anyone?

[elsporko]

I've worked with kids who have parents that would say the same thing, but what they don't realize is when they are angry and putting the kid in time out for example they are grabbing the kid hard enough to hurt him and throwing him into the corner. They aren't meaning to be abusive but kids are much smaller and weaker then adults and in their anger they don't think about this.

[DrFaroohk]

Aye, but throwing him into the corner? This is a fifty pound child, and as I said before I'm huge - if I threw him into the corner he'd have broken bones.

That's what bothers me the most is that it's fairly obvious none of this is going on. Picking him up and throwing him? Strangling him? Punching him? These things leave evidence. An evidence which there is a lack of with this child. But people gobble it up.

Sometimes he gets things confused and will be talking about a video game - and people STILL eat it right up. "DrFaroohk kept hitting me and he wouldn't stop! He kept punching me in the face! Then he kept hitting me with his haymakers! And he wouldn't stop! And then the guy in the stripes counted to ten and I lost!" And because I live in Downsyndromeville people don't realize we were playing Fight Night on his Xbox. Or even something more obvious. "DrFaroohk wouldn't stop using his magic on me! He kept shooting lightning at me!" And people give me these genuinely dirty looks because I'm so abusive towards him.

[KitterCat]

Your wife needs to start backing you up. Yes the kids being a sociopath, but he’s learned from somewhere that he can walk all over you and not be punished. From the sounds of it, its from Mom. You may love your wife and daughter but this hellion is going to end up causing trouble with the police, and cps for you unless he stops. He will drive a wedge between you and your wife that will eventually become to large both financially and emotionally. I’ve known two guys to go through that hell and while the evidence was stacked against the kid it was still hell for the men. After all kids are taught now to keep telling people about their abuse until someone believes them. Which is great when their actually being abused, not so when they’ve figured out how to manipulate adults to do what they want. Your wife needs to step up and start backing you when he starts this.

It also sounds like he may need to have a spanking. You’ve tried everything else and it may be pain will be the only thing that will get through to him. And before people say I’m hard hearted because I dared say hit him, please note I said spanking, not beating. Some kids just don’t learn any other way. Sociopath child sounds like he’s one of them.

As a side suggestion, maybe taking him to a police station for a chat with an Officer would help. The Officer could explain that if he calls “wolf” too many times people will eventually not believe him and he may not get help when he actually needs it.

[Hobbs]

I agree with KitterCat, and to everyone else...this is exactly the crap he's complaining about! People automatically think, "Oh, you must be doing something wrong and hurting him," in these kinds of situations.

[elsporko]

It also sounds like he may need to have a spanking. You’ve tried everything else and it may be pain will be the only thing that will get through to him. And before people say I’m hard hearted because I dared say hit him, please note I said spanking, not beating. Some kids just don’t learn any other way. Sociopath child sounds like he’s one of them.

That sounds like a good idea. The kid is saying he is hitting him, might as well start hitting him. That will solve the problem.

[KitterCat]

That sounds like a good idea. The kid is saying he is hitting him, might as well start hitting him. That will solve the problem.

I’m not sure if your being sarcastic, but let me clarify.

Per DrF.
“He tells people I punch him, I hit him, I lay on him, I pick him up and throw him into the wall”

There’s a difference between what the kids claming and what I’m suggesting. The child is claming abuse and from the description knows he’s making false accusations in order to get attention or get his step dad in trouble. It seems as if now a days if one dares to even place a hand on their kids in any threatening manor instantly their considered child abusers. I don’t look at it that way and the law in MD at least doesn’t look at it that way. According to our statutes one can spank a child so long as no permit marks are left. Essentially you can hit them, just don’t leave a giant red mark, bruise, or break anything. For some kids that’s the only way to get through to them.

DrF has already stated he’s tried immobilizing him when he’s throwing a temper tantrum, he’s tried time outs, he’s tried reason. This kid either doesn’t care or is enjoying the problems he’s causing to much to stop. Explaining that lying to people will result in a spanking and following up on it is not such a bad thing. Explaining that throwing temper tantrums, hitting people, throwing things, all the things he knows he’s not suppose to do will result in further punishment wither it be a longer spanking or other punishment may help as well, but only if Dr.F’s wife backs him up on it.