Death & Funerals and being reminded of my own mortality

[IDrinkaRum]

Found out at 6 AM this morning that a really good friend of mine died yesterday.

His wife posted it on Facebook.

Mr. Rum woke me up at 6 AM to let me know the news. He was up and killing time until he could go to the gym. He saw the message first. Woke me up to cushion the blow.

My friend was in his mid-40s. He wasn't old at all.

I knew he'd been having some medical issues. So I'm guessing his body just couldn't take it anymore.

He had a "cardiac event" and was rushed to the hospital. He never regained consciousness and was declared braindead at 5:15 PM on Friday (3/5).

I've been crying off and on since I found out. I've also been getting angry at my friend for dying.

When I was 10, I decided I wanted to be a hermit so I wouldn't have to go through the grieving process. I reasoned if I lived in a cave by myself, I'd know no one who died so I wouldn't be affected.

Right now, I'm thinking this is a good idea.

[spookysonata]

I have definitely entertained the cave idea once or twice

Sorry about your friend. That's rough.

[IDrinkaRum]

Thank you spookysonata!

I'm feeling a little better. (I took a nap).

But I'm still sort of ... raw, I suppose is the best way to describe it.

I feel like all my skin has been ripped from my body, all I am is a bunch of muscles, tendons, nerves, and people are just ripping scabs off me all the time.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Sorry about your friend; if you want to talk, you could message me. A good friend of mine died in a motorbike accident about two years ago. I always find March difficult cuz of this. He was only a couple of years older than me, and it was so unfair.

[IDrinkaRum]

Thank you Lace.

My friend was probably 5-10 years older than me.

I spoke to his wife. She's a friend of mine too. She told me how he went. I just wanted to cry and cry and cry.

I love them both.

It's really really really unfair.

[crashhelmet]

I dealt with death a lot growing up and had to learn to expect it every time the Marine corps sent my dad somewhere. After seeing it first hand a few times, I shut myself off. I refused to let it affect me in any way. But that was an even bigger problem for me.

Now, while everyone sits there crying at a funeral, I feel nothing aside from my own hatred of myself for not feeling the pain that everyone else does.

Things I hate? I hate what I've turned myself into.

CH

[IDrinkaRum]

Not another one!

Just got word that my high school choir teacher died of ALS.

The funeral is May 8 at 11 AM.

There is the option of performing in the choir that will be singing at the funeral.

Not sure if I'm going to participate in singing (haven't sung in a choir in several years).

I am going to be attending the funeral. Either as a choid participant or as a person.

Mr. Rum has said I can go by myself as he has no time to go to "some old person's funeral". (He never knew said choir teacher).

[crashhelmet]

Just got word that my high school choir teacher died of ALS.

The funeral is May 8 at 11 AM.

There is the option of performing in the choir that will be singing at the funeral.

Not sure if I'm going to participate in singing (haven't sung in a choir in several years).

I am going to be attending the funeral. Either as a choid participant or as a person.

Mr. Rum has said I can go by myself as he has no time to go to "some old person's funeral". (He never knew said choir teacher).

I could think of no greater tribute than to sing for your teacher. Whether it be privately or in the choir, it's a great way to honor his memory and anything he might've done for you. Just my opinion though.

CH