I Don't Steal/Lie/Watch Porno etc. I go to church

[Wingates_Hellsing]

One time, I was in the vestibule of my church, having sex with this hot chick! While we were going at it, I saw someone's wallet that they dropped lying on the floor beside me, so I picked it up to pocket the cash. Suddenly, the pastor busts in and screams, "What on earth do you think you're doing?!" So without slowing down my pelvic thrusts, I looked him straight in the eye and said, "We're just wrestling." So I finished up, got dressed and walked out beside him, wallet full of cash in hand.


Did I get them all?

That depends, what'd you spend the money on?

[HYHYBT]

Try doing all four at the same time. Now THAT'S a challenge.

So go to that Ugandan church where they were showing gay porn and tell them the collection plate was empty when you got it.

[MadMike]

That depends, what'd you spend the money on?

Weed, maybe?

[blas87]

Ah shit my bad. I WATCH a semi-pornographic show called Spartacus.

No more Fratching before bed.

By the by, forgive the off topic response, Spartacus is on Starz on Friday nights. It's very over the top violent and sexual, almost like those skinemax shows on digital cable, but the show itself is overly addicting.

[Daskinor]

I have the interwebs and use it for important stuff.

Not to look at lolcats and pr0n.

Oh crap, ceiling cat caught me.

[Fryk]

I spent the money on Black Tar heroin and a gun!

Does that help me?

[Wingates_Hellsing]

I spent the money on Black Tar heroin and a gun!

Does that help me?

Only if you bought the gun with the heroin. In which case you just won the grand prize, a great big box of [content deleted] which you can use to [content deleted] your [content deleted] that you got last [content deleted]!!!

[Fryk]

YES!!!!!!! I finally got a [content deleted]! The lst time I [content deleted] without a [content deleted], I [content deleted] all over my floor! It took a month to get that [content deleted] out, not to mention the time I [content deleted] my [content deleted] with a [content deleted] [content deleted] [content deleted] oreo cookie [content deleted] and she [content deleted] out of her [content deleted] [content deleted] [content deleted] baseball bat [content deleted] [content deleted] moisture! So, yeah, that's good.

[content deleted]

[insertNameHere]

Oh, this reminds me of a girl in college who we asked what she did with the one guy while everyone slept below them.... "I'm catholic, we didn't do anything! I don't do that kind of stuff". I said yeah, right under my breath. She also told us she never made out with Alex in the lounge, when Andrew said he heard about it.... He was the one who walked in on them he shared that after she walked away. The best part is months before that me and her had sex completely sober because we were bored one day, SO she still can't figure out why I don;'t see her as a creditable person about how she would NEVER do something.

[fireheart17]

Here's something else that falls into the same line:

"i bashed homosexuals last night, but it's ok because I go to church and God said I should do so."
"I harassed young women seeking abortions because I go to church and God told me to do so."
"I used dirty voting tactics at an election, but it's ok because I go to church and this state is become more and more immoral."

Ok, the last two happened in my state fairly recently-the first was a candidate running for the upper house at election, the second was for a political party that claims that there's no ties to religion, however the founder and the policies say otherwise.

[smileyeagle1021]

Here's something else that falls into the same line:

"i bashed homosexuals last night, but it's ok because I go to church and God said I should do so."

I saw a variant on a local message board in response to a story about a gay beating... I wish I was making it up.
"It is terrible that any human being should suffer this way... but had they not been violating God's law there would have been no reason for them to be targeted so we cannot hold them entirely free of blame for the position they are in."