Different rules

[muses_nightmare]

I'm severely annoyed with my step-sister, well rather, with her mother and my so called father (well okay, more than a little annoyed, but there are other issues at work here).

After reading my step-sister's facebook status lately she keeps going on about how she's sad about how her boyfriend will be away, so she'll be alone in bed for 2 weeks. She's 16, and she still lives at home. The same home that when I wanted to spend time in my bedroom with my boyfriend at the same age, I had to keep the door open, and they're sleeping together. They're even the same age difference apart that me and my boyfriend are.

What. The. Fuck.

Not to mention I never once snuck out of the house, I didn't go out getting plastered like my step-sister does. On top of that, her boyfriend seems to make a better impression because he's...an ultimate fighter (or whatever you call it and No he's not a big name or anything.), and my father and his wife were going on like they were proud of him for having a fake ID when he was 18. While my boyfriend has always worked his ass off at any job he's had, and he was a certified computer tech for awhile (still is I suppose), now he's an X-ray technician. But apparently none of that matters to them. He and I are far more responsible than my step-sister and her bf are. (and we were more responsible when we were that age as well.) Yet they watched us like hawks and made up stuff about what we were doing together. That bitch of a wife of his told her friend about when they found out we were sleeping together, and then she (the friend) told my bf's grandmother. Yes, because it was anyone's business but our own.


I just don't get this BS. It's like they think irresponsibility is a virtue.

[Boozy]

Have you confirmed that she's actually having overnight sleepovers with her boyfriend, or are you just going by what she said on her Facebook page?

Teenage girls lie in an attempt to look cool. Don't assume this is actually happening. Even if it is, don't assume that your parents are okay with it. Your step-sister might be sneaky.

[MaggieTheCat]

Regardless of whether the above instance is true or not, parents favoring one sibling over another (or all others) is all too common. My husband's family is a prime example. My husband is very responsible and mature, he went to college after he graduated H.S. and put himself through 5 years almost entirely by himself. He came home for the summer and was able to stay at his mother's house rent-free for a few months, and she bought his books for him every semester, but he paid for everything else. His father had, and still has, absolutely nothing to do with him.

My husband's sister, on the other hand, started going to college (with help from her and my husband's father) after H.S., but she got pregnant and dropped out and moved home with her mother. Her mother converted part of her house to an apartment for the sister and her son, and they still live there (6 years later) rent-free. She works odd, part-time jobs here and there (mostly for her father, who she has a good relationship with.)

That's not the only instance of sibling favoritism, we hear about it all the time from friends of ours. It always seems that the responsible ones get shafted, but I supposed in parents' eyes, that's because they're responsible and can take care of themselves.

[AdminAssistant]

And it's not always the younger ones who are the favorites. Growing up, my older sister got more chances, more stuff, a better car, etc. Mom and Dad paid her sorority dues and put her up in an apartment while I lived in the dorms. The tables have now turned considerably, since she's married with kids and a job. And now I'm getting to do things that she couldn't. For example, when I was at home a couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend came up to spend the night and meet my parents. My parents told me they didn't care where we slept. The same ones who forbid my sister to do so, and who pulled her financial support when she moved in with a boyfriend. (We slept separate anyway, since we both felt a little weird about it, but yeah.)

[McDreidel09]

Ugh! I hate that!

My sister is now 15. At her age, I was cleaning the entire house and had a job, and therefore had to pay for my own things. My sister is not pushed to get a job as much as I was. At her age, I wasn't allowed to go out as much, even though I proved that I could be responsible. My sister can go out to games and whatnot without the third degree.

When we were younger, if Munchkin didn't do her chores, I was the one who was yelled at because "She can't remember these things. You should remind her!"

Now, my mom wonders why my sister forgets to do things when I am not home to do them. I do love my sister, but it is ridiculous that my mom babied her and then now expects her to grow up over night.

[draggar]

A lot of people tend to look at what the other siblings got and wish they got the same yet don't realize what they got.

My sister got a $2000 flute when she went to college to be a psyche major but I got no instrument for being a music major.

I always felt my sister got better treatment / support from my parents because she got better grades.

But...

My sister was *never* allowed to ride her bike to (elementary) school. I was.

My sister had to pay rent for a few months after college - I never did.

I also see it in my wife's family.

One sister got a (cheap) car - my wife complained yet she forgot that she was given a down payment for her first new car *and* her parents bought us a new air conditioner when ours went out a few years ago ($3500).

We tend to see what our siblings get that we don't and don't see what we got that our siblings didn't. (I am NOT saying all situations are like this but many are).

[KellyHabersham]

My mom was very much like that.......one of the biggest examples being that as teens, my sister and I were expected to help out with housework, and got fussed at if we didn't. When our brother reached that age, he was NOT expected to help out, and Mom had excuses ranging from "Oh, I didn't expect you guys to do that when you were his age....", and "He's tired from being involved in school sports....". Then as he got older, she seemed unable to figure out why he wasn't motivated to help out with things.

And on my end, I know that my sister felt I was coddled/babied because I had medical issues which neither she nor my brother had, and she felt our mom did too much for me. Funny thing is, looking back I'd say SHE was the fortunate one because she was allowed to develop independent living skills like everyone else, and wasn't treated like she was mentally feeble or helpless.

[DrFaroohk]

I have a few older siblings and cousins who were major fuckups in life, and my mom looked way too far into it. My brother listened to RnB type music, and he was a very "mouthy" kid. OMG! RnB = Disrespectful Child! My sister liked Metallica, and she had a drug problem. OMGZOR!!11!! Metallica = DRUGS!

Eventually my childhood turned into Anything Popular = BAD. Needless to say I got picked on a lot. Wasn't allowed to fight back either, because I was bigger than everyone else. So I got the shit beat out of me regularly, and because I was the biggest I MUST have started the fight, so not only did I get my ass kicked regularly but I got in trouble with the school anyway, and then my parents got even more pissed because I dared inconvenience them with having to talk to the teacher. I mean shit, dad missed 10 minutes out of a football game because of it! OMFG!!!!!!

I have a lot of anger and bitterness directed towards my parents. I wonder why.

[muses_nightmare]

Yeah, I do know this is actually happening, they didn't seem to have a problem with them being home alone together when they visited me last time (I live in a different city BTW), and a neighbour of theirs that my mom talks to mentioned the fact that her boyfriend is there all the time and might be living there.

When I was 17 they sat me and my then 20 year old boyfriend to discuss the fact that we were sleeping together, and they gave me a 6:00 curfew on weeknights. They actually acted as if I had no idea how to be safe, when I was the one who had gone to the doctor and gotten the pill.

What pisses me off the most, is that my dad is allowing this. I realize that she's not really his daughter, but even when I was still living there he had some control over what happened in the house, it seems like he doesn't anymore. A few years ago this wouldn't have been happening, period. I mean even small stuff, like the fact that she has a TV in her room, he was adamantly against that for my whole life up until now, and he's a stubborn man. The piercings and stuff that she's getting don't bother me, because well, I don't expect him to have a say in what her mother allows her to do to her body in that way, that and I never really asked about getting them when I was that age.

It's this type of stuff plus the whole court case that is the reason I don't talk to him much anymore. I'm not pleased with any of his wife's family, they mooch like nobodies business, and he does nothing about it.

[elsporko]

I think alot of people notice how siblings get privileges they didn't get, but don't notice how they got things the siblings didn't. Some people acknoledge that in the topic and I think thats much more accurate then the idea that one kid gets everything and the other doesn't. Different kids different needs. Some need more help because they can't handle it themselves.

[DrFaroohk]

That's true, some of us did get treated better in ways we didn't notice, or maybe another needs more help, but then that comes back to the same bullshit where "everyone needs to follow the same rules". Well which is it - everyone needs to follow the same rules, or is it that everyone is different and some people need a little more help and leeway than others do, and some people the rules just don't apply to at all?

[elsporko]

Different situations get different answers.

[McDreidel09]

Okay, I need to talk about this or I won't be able to concentrate on writing my paper.

So I was talking to my mom today about my sister helping out around the house. My mom told me that my sister only does things if she is told or my mom has to do it herself. I suggested that she should do a chore chart or start grounding.

Does she ground her? Nope. She just yells at her, which doesn't help obviously because my mom has yelled at my sister multiple times and I have talked to her multiple times and she is still not doing what she should.

However, if I didn't do my stuff and if my sister didn't get her stuff done, I was grounded because I was old enough to know to do things and I should remind her to do things because she can't remember to do stuff.

But apparently, Munchkin is too good for grounding. That makes me soooo mad. Then my mom continues to complain about having to come home from work and school to clean. WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?