Not having anyone to talk to

[DrFaroohk]

I have no one I can really talk to about my problems and what bothers me. My wife? Am I supposed to tell her stuff like I think her son is an asshole? Of course not. I can't.

My parents? They don't want to listen to my problems, and they're so critical I can't even get 2 words out with out "WELL ITS YOUR FAULT SO CRY ME A RIVER BUILD A BRIDGE AND GET THE FUCK OVER IT!"

My friends don't really understand either, although they will listen, but only half heartedly, and only until its their turn to talk about something else like how much it sucks having to send your XBOX out to be repaired.

A counselor? Ha. They're expensive and I don't trust them. I can never be too sure that he's not going to rat me out for something. I know they're not supposed to, but if I start talking about how much the kids annoy me he could just say "well he doesn't like kids, he MUST BE A CHILD PREDATOR!!!!!!!!! REPORT HIM!!!!!!!!" Plus I feel uncomfortable talking to someone who quite frankly doesn't really want to talk to me. He's only there because I'm paying him. I don't want a prostitute.

Which brings me to the internet. I used to post my personal stuff online, because none of you know me, so I don't care if you all despise me. I don't have to see any of you in my day to day life and unless you really work at you probably can't screw me over in any way becuase you don't even know who I am.

Now I don't even have this, because people like to stalk me and snoop around to see what I'm up to so they can judge me and criticize me later.

So I have to channel my frustrations elsewhere, which is why I get so pissed off at work, or with warcraft, or just about anything else that's "safe", so no one can be a dick about it.

I just want to be able to be myself and talk about my own shit without without a torrent of pure clusterfuck coming out of it. Is that so much to ask for?

[Rageaholic]

I think I know exactly what you're talking about when you mention some people who like to stir up trouble by criticizing the OP. If it's any consulation, I can relate with most of what you have to say (except for the parenting stuff cause I'm not a parent). Especially relating to judgmental fucktards who are so perfect and never make mistakes. When people do make mistakes and are only venting, they will give the condesending parental lecture about you should have been more responsible blah blah blah. They like to act all holy and righteous by rubbing your fallings in your face, but they are really just being douchebags. People should be less judgmental and more understanding. I'm not religious, but I'm pretty sure Jesus said something about that.

[blas87]

I understand and feel for you as well. Sometimes you just can't vent or let out how you feel without someone playing "Devil's Advocate" or someone trying to nitpick legalities or technicalities in your posts.

[powerboy]

I understand and feel for you as well. Sometimes you just can't vent or let out how you feel without someone playing "Devil's Advocate" or someone trying to nitpick legalities or technicalities in your posts.

I know that all to well. I cannot vent to my parents. They just wont listen. My friends will, but just so much. SO that leaves, the internet. But then again, you have the people playing Devils Advocate and nit picking. SO it is not even worth it

[blas87]

I'm pretty fortunate in the fact that with certain topics, I can rant and rant all I want and they can rant back and we can go on and on for hours, because we suffer from the same woes.

But then at the same time, sometimes I have to remember who I can bitch to and who I can't, who will just give me "Just be happy you have a job rabble rabble economy rabble rabble so many people are jobless rabble rabble" or "You shoud be happy you're alive and well!"

[the_std]

The internet is a big, big place. There are lots of places you can go just to vent and and rant and not be criticized.

However, expecting not to be challenged when you post on a debate site is kind of weird. If anything, Off Topic on CS is far more safe because people are not allowed to debate with you about it.

I'm just shocked that anyone is surprised by debate on a debate site. Contention is part of debate. Not everyone is going to agree with what you say, and by posting it here, you're okaying debate on whatever topic you bring up.

[elsporko]

I can't imagine being in a serious relationship where I can't talk to my partner about anything. The fact you can't even talk to her about family issues must really suck.

[Boozy]

Not everyone is going to agree with what you say, and by posting it here, you're okaying debate on whatever topic you bring up.

QFT.

Presenting one's personal life as a topic for debate can get a little awkward for everyone involved.

I understand it when people post about their problems here, because we're a close-knit group and one might feel more comfortable here than elsewhere on the net. I like that about Fratching, and I want to encourage that sense of community.

At the end of the day, however, this is a debate site. It becomes difficult to debate personal issues without making personal attacks or taking things personally. The threads become hard to post in and even harder to moderate.

DrFaroohk probably has the only attitude that works in threads such as these; he doesn't care what kind of feedback he gets, he just needs to vent. In which case, carry on.

As far as blas's post goes, I think she may have been referring to sites other than Fratching. I've seen the "Devil's Advocate" card played in the Off Topic section at CS many times, and it can annoy me too.

[DrFaroohk]

I wasn't so much complaining about the feedback here - it's people I know personally tracking me down online, like looking through the history or googling my e-mail address to see what comes up. Then they get pissed because they read something where I was bitching about something near and dear to them.

Which goes back to my "if you don't like it don't read it" thread lol....

So yeah, I feel pretty stifled sometimes. Gets all pent up. Then I have this resentment about tiny little things that I can't get out and people wonder why I just sort of shut down and don't really want to talk about anything.

[blas87]

Yes, that's exactly what I meant, Boozy. Pardon my lack of clarification on that, although at times it does happen here.

I'm not a person to get all riled up if everyone doesn't agree with me, but sometimes I feel a lot of people just want to vent or just want to let something out that they truly can't say to anyone in real life, and someone who just enjoys questioning or nit-picking for sport just has to come along and sidetrack the topic and make the OP have to defend themselves or try hard to bring it back on the original thoughts.

[Nyoibo]

Bottle it all up, show no outward sign of difficulty or having a problem and then one night after you've got drunk punch a hole through a 3/4 inch plywood wall, go to bed and wake up with a fractured and blood caked hand.

(No, it doesn't do anything, but it confounds people trying to work out what the fuck happened to the wall.

[crashhelmet]

I'm kinda in the same boat Doc. I'm the person that all of my friends and family come to when they need someone to talk/vent to. When it comes time for me to vent, there's no one I can really vent to. People try to offer sympathy and/or empathy, but more often than not I feel as they don't understand or they're just trying to say what they think I want to hear.

I've started venting out in blog form, whether it be on MySpace, LiveJournal, or wherever. I've found that it helps me to get everything out. Helps me to be honest with what I feel by getting it all out. When I go back and read it, it helps me get a better idea of what I need to do. Almost as if I read it like someone else wrote it and give myself advice. Sometimes, those friends that I think I'm wasting my time venting to can give the extra needed support that helps me get through it all.

But I feel ya Doc. I'd rather have that ear I speak to and shoulder to lean on when things are tough.

CH