Look at me, I'm special

[Ree]

This may not sit well, and get me in a lot of hot water, but this is something that has bothered me for a while.

What is it with people who introduce themselves with the add-on that they have Asperger's/autism, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD, or any number of "trendy" syndromes or labels that seem to be rampant these days?

At CS, it seems like there are bandwagons and everyone wants to be a special snowflake.

Someone will post a link to some quiz that tells whether people are high risk for certain things, especially Asperger's, as that seems to be the latest "cool" syndrome, and suddenly, all these people are posting their scores and self-diagnosing.

When I introduce myself, I don't say, "Hi. I'm Ree. I'm a sexual abuse survivor who suffers from sciatic nerve damage, eczema, high blood pressure, acid reflux and gynecological issues."

That would be stupid. First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.

What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?
I should think by now, with the rate of diagnosis, and so many more people being labelled every day, that it's just a normal fact of life now, and people with this syndrome really aren't all that unique or special at all, now.
It's like saying, "Hi. My name is .... and I have dandruff..."

[Boozy]

Those who genuinely have Asperger's probably let people know about it upfront because it affects their behaviour and social skills. I haven't found it manifests much in the written word, but I suppose it might affect their actions in the stories they're telling. Its nice to know where someone is coming from.

With that out of the way, I entirely agree with you about the current "trendiness" of this diagnosis, and I find self-diagnosed Asperger's to be a complete joke.

You know why its popular to self-diagnose Asperger's right now? Because it doesn't affect intelligence, appearance, or life expectancy. You don't need to take medications with crippling side effects. People believe they'll get the special attention that goes with a disorder without actually suffering.

Some people think that the diagnosis gives them a license to be anti-social. They no longer have to try to get along, to fit in. Its just the way they are, and everyone else becomes the problem. It becomes a convenient way for an socially-awkward person to give up and blame everyone else.

PS - I hope everyone knows me well enough at this point to know that I am not disparaging genuine Asperger's sufferers.

[Ree]

Those who genuinely have Asperger's probably let people know about it upfront because it affects their behaviour and social skills. I haven't found it manifests much in the written word, but I suppose it might affect their actions in the stories they're telling. Its nice to know where someone is coming from.

That occurred to me , too, but I know a couple of people with Asperger's, and I knew them for a long time before they actually told me that's what they had.

They aren't ashamed of it. They just don't let it define them.

There's another aspect of introducing one's self with a label that bugs me, but I didn't include it.

When I introduce myself, "I don't say, "Hi, I'm Ree a heterosexual," yet so many people add on the , "I'm gay/lesbian/bi," as if that is a relevant fact to normal everyday conversation.

Quite frankly, I couldn't care less what a person's sexual preference is when the topic isn't even touching on sexuality.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I recently got a genuine diagnosis of AS, and yes, I do tell people about it cuz I have very poor social skills and I sometimes honestly don't realise that I'm being rude. I don't see it as a "get out of jail free" card; more of an explanation, like someone with shaky hands saying "I have Parkinsons" to explain why they might drop things more, but they won't be throwing stuff around purposely. I do work hard to not be seen as rude and nasty to people, but at least they can realise that if I am it's not done out of spite.

As for RL, only the people close to me know cuz I see it as a "need to know" thing, and I certainly haven't told the people at work this.

[AFPheonix]

It's not just CS. It's an internet thing. It's a huge joke over at Something Awful, since there's a lot of people over there who like to play internet doctor. I think mentioning it earns you a probation over there, though.

[Rapscallion]

What interests me is that we have an apparently large number of people with this condition on the main board. We're talking numbers more than the actual number of cases as a ratio.

There is the possibility that some people are seeking attention. The other possibility is that people with Asperger's are attracted to message boards and the Internet. Social interaction without people?

Rapscallion

[AFPheonix]

If they get an actual diagnosis from a doctor like Lace has, then cool. Far too many people on message boards just think it sounds like them since there are frankly a lot of antisocial nutsos sitting in the dark behind a computer monitor, decide that they do indeed have whatever the condition is, and then trumpet it loudly.
I sincerely doubt that there's that many borderline autistic people out there, just lots of lazy ones who have poor social skills, a situation of their own making, exacerbated in this day and age with the internet and MMORPGs.

[Seshat]

What is it with people who introduce themselves with the add-on that they have Asperger's/autism, bipolar, ADD/ADHD, OCD, or any number of "trendy" syndromes or labels that seem to be rampant these days?
<snip>
First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.
<snip>
What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?

I've taken three quotes because I want to address all three aspects of the question.

The first - why do people introduce themselves with the add-on - bugs me as well. I don't like it, but I understand one potential reason that hasn't been addressed yet in this thread.

I've am both visibly and invisibly disabled, depending on whether I use my mobility aids or not.

Invisibly disabled, I struggle with everyday life. As an example of the type of struggle: I have a friend who went for a walk without her walking frame once a week as part of her physiotherapy. She was struggling her way across a road, at a crossing, one day and a bunch of people in a car honked their horn and yelled at her to hurry up. She literally couldn't!
Invisibly disabled, I cope with this sort of this - though thankfully, less rudely - every time I'm out.

Visibly disabled, I get a lot of kindness. I'm very grateful to the kindness! I've had people in line in a government office offer to hold my place for me, while I sat down. I've had people offer me a seat in a busy bus. When in a wheelchair, people will press lift buttons for me.

I started taking my walking stick with me even on a good day, because the simple kindnesses reduced my struggle with life enough to let me make it back home without collapsing. (Nowadays, I can't walk two blocks without severe pain even with the stick, even on a good day. )

Perhaps introducing themselves with the illness may be part of trying to get the consideration that makes life less of a struggle.

That was pretty long, so I'll repeat the second quote:

First of all, because nobody really cares about those things, and secondly, they do not define who I am.

I've found that people are actually very interested in hearing about exactly what sort of disability I have, and exactly how it affects me. Either that, or I've got really lousy social skills. But they ask, and I try to stop when they stop asking. Sometimes I'm the one who has to stop the conversation or change the subject.

And sometimes it seems that to other people, my disabilities are the defining factor of who I am. I can't be the only disabled person with that feeling. Unfortunately, some of them may have absorbed the lesson.

Lastly:

What is it about Asperger's that makes people think they're special?

That Asperger's usually shows up together with a high degree of intelligence?

Of course, this is raw intellect that, without the skills to utilise it, is about as useful as a talent for painting showing up in a blind person. But tell a child they're intelligent often enough, long enough, and they'll think they're special.

why would you think I might be speaking from personal experience?

[Lace Neil Singer]

The other possibility is that people with Asperger's are attracted to message boards and the Internet. Social interaction without people?

Rapscallion

That is a major factor for me; I hate meeting new people in real life, but on the internet it's so much easier.

[Dreamstalker]

I sincerely doubt that there's that many borderline autistic people out there, just lots of lazy ones who have poor social skills, a situation of their own making, exacerbated in this day and age with the internet and MMORPGs.

I agree. I have an actual diagnosis of AS, yes, but as time goes on I'm getting the feeling that said diagnosis was only made because they didn't know what else to do with me at the time (my diagnosis was made when it first became a known syndrome in the US). A small handful of the signs fit me (not without some fiddling), some did but now do not (that seems to point to a physiological error that gradually fixed itself), some never did except by a severe stretching of criteria.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Maybe I should introduce myself using my previous diagnosis' of antisocial personality disorder and psychosis... would make for some interesting conversations. XD

[CancelMyService]

I would volunteer two things that I think help explain this phenomenon:

1. The internet is........how to put this delicately........well, it tends to draw people with social issues like a moth to a flame. I've been on tons of boards where there are lots of people with some sort of personality disorder. People who can't engage in person find it a lot easier on the web.

2. Autsim and related disorders haven't been properly diagnosed until just very recently. My wife has an uncle that almost certainly has some form of high functioning autisim, he's basically Rain Man the home game but those kind of disorders were not checked for back when he was in school (he's about 50 or so). Just like my father in law had a learning disability that wasn't properly diagnosed either. Things just weren't done that way back then.

[Dreamstalker]

The internet is........how to put this delicately........well, it tends to draw people with social issues like a moth to a flame.

Heh, been there...was in the middle of a particularly nasty Usenet war in the 90s. That was actually how I learned to develop numerous aliases (more out of a desire to not be found/cyberstalked/spoofed by the nut rolls than to deceive). I've also met a number of people from my newsgroups in real life and they've all been quite goodpeople. But yeah, you do get a lot of nutcases who find it a hell of a lot easier to fling insults hiding behind a computer.

[Seshat]

2. Autsim and related disorders haven't been properly diagnosed until just very recently. My wife has an uncle that almost certainly has some form of high functioning autisim, he's basically Rain Man the home game but those kind of disorders were not checked for back when he was in school

I describe it as 'I was geek before geek was cool'. My husband was/is, too. We're both the stereotypical classic geek. (Brian 'the brain' from The Breakfast Club, or most of the kids from Real Genius, with a touch of Lydia from Beetlejuice. We're not the Comic Book Guy.)

Given that the same traits that make a classic geek are the traits that define Asperger's, and we have a great deal in common with a friend's child who has been formally diagnosed Asperger's, we've looked up the 'adult Asperger's' info (with the help of the friend) and yeah, we're a strong match.

We haven't bothered to get a formal diagnosis: we've managed to shape lives for ourselves which leave us content, and which contribute to society. If it ever causes us real problems, we'll get tested then.

Returning to my point: think back to your own school days. Think of the kids you knew then who fit the stereotype, and of the kids who were 'trying too hard' to fit in and break the stereotype. In my experience, in every public school there were one or two such in every 30-kid class. In private schools, I presume the ratio was higher - geeks often get scholarships to private schools.

Even if you think that only half or a third of those kids are actually Aspie, that's still a hell of a lot of kids; and a hell of a lot of adult former-kid-geeks.

[Boozy]

Even if you think that only half or a third of those kids are actually Aspie, that's still a hell of a lot of kids; and a hell of a lot of adult former-kid-geeks.

Sure. Or maybe they're just geeks.

Where does personality end and "disorder" begin? For example, there's an Asperger's "spectrum". Meaning, you can actually have a touch of Asperger's.

At this point, I believe the diagnosis has lost all meaning.

I don't like labels, and I don't like psychology's obsession with classifying people. Human beings are more complicated than that. And I'm surprised someone would want to pigeon-hole themselves.

Just for fun, I took one of those online Aperger's questionnaires. My results: borderline Asperger's. Get real - anyone with eyes and ears knows that's not right. For example, I'm a gifted salesperson, am highly involved in my community, and I enjoy public speaking. But I'm also clumsy, have trouble modulating my voice, and need order and routine. I'm complicated, dammit!