Maybe You Are The Problem

[the_std]

This is something that bothers me about so, so many people. It is essentially an inability, or lack of desire, to learn.

If you feel you are picked on regularly, or are made an example of too frequently, or you just plain whine a lot about a myriad of things, have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, you are the problem?

Everyone has it hard to multiple extents. Everyone deals with mountains of shit that a lot of people never find out about. Life is not easy for anyone. You might have it harder than some, but you are not special and you are not alone in your dealings. If you find that you feel victimized, persecuted, or maybe life just has it out for you, have you ever stopped to think that maybe you are the problem?

Perhaps you don't communicate your ideas properly and then get angry when people misunderstand the things you're saying. Maybe your bosses and friends seem to be angry at you and rude far more frequently than they should be, could it be that there's something about your attitude that you don't realize is offending others? Maybe you're just being an ass and you either can't or won't see it. That is your problem.

If you have the same problems over and over again, find the same things happening to you on a regular basis, then stop. Take a minute of introspection, look at the way you think and deal with things. Maybe the problems you encounter spring from some bit of you that you're either unaware of, or willfully ignore.

Life for everyone you deal with would be just that little bit easier if you stopped to think about the causes of your problems sometimes.

[HYHYBT]

If you feel you are picked on regularly, or are made an example of too frequently, or you just plain whine a lot about a myriad of things, have you ever stopped to think that maybe, just maybe, you are the problem?

Well, that depends... the phrase "maybe, just maybe" nearly always means the speaker feels there's no "maybe" about it, and in this case there definitely is. Some people are picked on, etc not because there's anything wrong with them but because they stand out in some way (almost any way, really), whether they can do anything about it or not, and whether they *should* do anything about it even if they can.

[the_std]

Some people are picked on, etc not because there's anything wrong with them but because they stand out in some way (almost any way, really), whether they can do anything about it or not, and whether they *should* do anything about it even if they can.

I am not talking about the being bullied in high school scenarios, where 90% of the time there was nothing a victim could do/should do about it. I'm talking about people who feel their managers are bullying them when they're just asking them to do their jobs, or things of that nature.

My entire post was more about people who just plain whine incessantly when there are clears patterns in their behaviour pointing out that they are the reason for their problems. I am simply asking that these people take a minute out of their lives and look at their actions and attempt to see the cause of this pattern, that the underlying glue that holds it together is them. I am frustrated with martyr complexes, I am sick of people thinking that being insufferable and impossible to please is an expression of their personalities. I am done with needless, continuous droning on and on and freaking on when re-evaluating themselves could very possibly put them on a track to being happier, healthier and more fulfilled in themselves.

[AdminAssistant]

I am frustrated with martyr complexes, I am sick of people thinking that being insufferable and impossible to please is an expression of their personalities. I am done with needless, continuous droning on and on and freaking on when re-evaluating themselves could very possibly put them on a track to being happier, healthier and more fulfilled in themselves.

THIS!!!!

My mother especially. Yes, having breast cancer is terrible. But being a cancer patient developed a hell of a victim complex in her. I'm convinced that the reason she won't leave my father is because she enjoys being the long-suffering wife of an alcoholic, a good woman who is standing by her man, and blah blah blah. I'm out of sympathy. He got drunk and yelled and called you names? Get in the car and go.

[Boozy]

Amen.

I know several people who perpetually blame others for treating them unfairly. They rarely take responsibility for their part of the problem.

Sometimes things happen that are truly unfair or unjust, but a lot of one's success in life depends on how they deal with it.

I know someone who doesn't have many friends, and who will often times be made fun of by others. It's not right that they are picked on, and bullies need to examine their own actions. BUT - This person needs to understand that their stance of brutal honesty in all situations is going to make them enemies.

I know another person who has been stuck in the same job for years while others with lesser qualifications are promoted over them. That person's boss is not off the hook for overlooking this person's skills. But on the other hand, this person has serious issues with authority and lets it be known. The application of a little social lubricant on their part could have nailed them a promotion years ago.

The most important lesson someone can learn is that they are responsible for their own actions and theirs alone. You can't control what other people do, but you can control what YOU do. I think these people would be amazed at how much life could change for them if they only started looking inwards instead of outwards.

[Plaidman]

I was about to rant until you clarifed about the bully. I didn't have a choice in that matter.

That being said, yeah. I do agree. I whined alot about my lack of job future. I didn't feel comfortable or good enough for any job. So I just, decided to do pharmacy. I could help people with medicen. I could learn. Better job. Better money. It still hard, I never been good at school. But just gotta work.

Wish my pal john would do that. Instead of just whining about hard his life is. Because being 27, living with parents, and doing a few chores for his rent is just so hard. He won't get a job that pays minimal wage, nor will he get a job with public. He only has a GED, and barely earned that. He is a smart guy, just belives the world needs to work a certain way. IE, he nice to others, so he should have great job and beauitful woman with big boobs that will give him oral and not expect it in return, will FALL into his lap. He just has to wait. In his room. Playing WoW.

Riiiight.

[Hobbs]

Haha, your friend sounds like Fail. Glad you're not up to that.

That said, I'd like to know if there was a particular instance that brought this to mind STD. I do agree it's annoying, but some instances, their thoughts of persecution are founded.

[the_std]

That said, I'd like to know if there was a particular instance that brought this to mind STD. I do agree it's annoying, but some instances, their thoughts of persecution are founded.

Hobbs, for this, I will take a page from your book and quote Carly Simon (although I know it more from Nine Inch Nails)...

"You're so vain... I'll bet you think this song is about you, don't you?"

Does it matter if it's about you, or if I think you think your thoughts of persecution are founded? Did I put your name in this rant? Nope. If I wanted to rant about you, I probably would have. I am ranting about something that happens in a lot of people, in a lot of different instances.

[Plaidman]

I KNEW IT! It's about me!!!!

OH GOD WHY Does everyone hate me!! Screw you all!! I never do anything!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!



(Kidding).

[Hobbs]

I KNEW IT! It's about me!!!!

OH GOD WHY Does everyone hate me!! Screw you all!! I never do anything!

WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!



(Kidding).

"It's cuz you touch yourself at night!"

[Boozy]

That said, I'd like to know if there was a particular instance that brought this to mind STD. I do agree it's annoying, but some instances, their thoughts of persecution are founded.

Does it matter if it's about you, or if I think you think your thoughts of persecution are founded? Did I put your name in this rant? Nope. If I wanted to rant about you, I probably would have. I am ranting about something that happens in a lot of people, in a lot of different instances.

Whoa, now.

Hobbs didn't indicate that he thought the thread was about him. He just wanted to know if there was a specific incident that prompted your rant. No need to call him vain.

Just a general note: We're just going to assume that the_std is NOT talking about any other members of this forum. If anyone IS thinking of a member here, keep it to yourselves, please.

[the_std]

I'm sorry Hobbs, I didn't actually mean to call you vain. It was just part of the lyrics which I thought were oddly appropriate for the situation.

[HYHYBT]

I am not talking about the being bullied in high school scenarios, where 90% of the time there was nothing a victim could do/should do about it. I'm talking about people who feel their managers are bullying them when they're just asking them to do their jobs, or things of that nature.

Sorry, I understood you (and agree, mainly) and didn't mean to say you meant anything else. But I said nothing about high school, nor did I intend my comment to be so limited. Some bosses, for example, aren't much different. But it's also a natural distinction to point out coming to this thread fresh out of one of SmileyEagle's, as I'd done.

[KitterCat]

THIS!!!!

My mother especially. Yes, having breast cancer is terrible. But being a cancer patient developed a hell of a victim complex in her. I'm convinced that the reason she won't leave my father is because she enjoys being the long-suffering wife of an alcoholic, a good woman who is standing by her man, and blah blah blah. I'm out of sympathy. He got drunk and yelled and called you names? Get in the car and go.

You Mom must meet my Mom. They can both complain/B@@@ about their husbands while telling everyone why its so horrible to get a divorce. Perhaps they could give each other pointers on what methods work best while using a martyr complex.

[Plaidman]

I get customers like that, looking for pity from me. Or asking me to call the police again, because their husband once again, beat the shit out of them.

I always did. But I never felt sorry for them.

I never felt sorry for the assholes who would beg me for more money so they can have beer, despite their pleading that their bodies need it, or that ex-amount of relatives died that day. (Strange how many times your mother died... how many did you have?).

I never felt sorry a good chunk of them assholes. Because they just go right back. They lie to police, saying they just fell down the stairs. The cops knew they lied.

Worst part is, these woman would go out of their way to protect their shit boyfriends or husbands. I've had girls who have had their boyfriends convience them to steal, so if they are caught, they will get in trouble while the boyfriend looks shock and surprised that their girlfriend stole condoms, beer, or various other things that their boyfriend always bought, but not them.

I hated those scum the worst. the ones that could do that to woman. Even worst are the woman that accept it. They lose their friends. they lose their family. All for a husband that does that.