It's not babysitting

[guywithashovel]

I can understand DrF's frustration on this. Most of the people who say "It's not babysitting if it's your own kids" are people who just want to demonize men.

And yes, it IS annoying when people constantly pick at people's words. For example, one time back in college, someone in my government class was talking about the 9/11 attacks, and while talking about it, he referred to the events as a tragedy. The instructor went off on that, saying that an attack on the country was NOT a tragedy but an "ACT OF WAR." Now what the heck was the difference? "Tragedy" and "Act of War" both represent bad things. There was also another time when someone I know was referring to being "aggravated" about something, and someone cut him off and said, "No, you're NOT 'aggravated,' you're 'IRRITATED.'" It's just petty.

[Nyoibo]

Language is important because it provides the framework for our thoughts and ideas. Change our language, change our thinking.

I'm going to debate that point... when I've had somesleep and can actually think straight.

[Fryk]

Not to mention the other side of this. When you call what the dad is doing 'babysitting', to me it cheapens what he's doing as a dad. Mom is RASING the kids. Dad? He's just "babysitting'.

[DrFaroohk]

Meanwhile, Junior just drowned in the bathtub because mom threw a hissy fit over dad calling it the B word.

[Rebel]

I'm very much against men using the term 'babysitting' when referring to their own children, but that's due to the Bastard in Law.

My sister married a guy that the rest of my family hates. We didn't start off hating him, but he soon proved himself less than scum in our eyes. How did he do this? By cheating on her 6 times and generally ignoring their young son.
-He would never change the boys nappy, instead he would wait for my sister to wake up or come home each day.
-He would never prepare their sons food.
-Until recently, he wouldn't even look after his own son by himself, someone always had to be with him.
He is an absolute Turd Donkey.

Just last week, my sister was going to go out for a night with her friends. She had organized this with TD 2 weeks in advance so he would stay home with their son. 2 hours before she was meant to go out, she rang my parents asking if they were free to babysit at all. Turns out TD had decided last minute that he wanted to go to the casino with his mates, so he told my sister he wouldn't be around to 'babysit'. My sister ended up having to cancel her plans and stay home.

While I'm sure you're a fantastic father DrFaroohk, there are absolute fucktards like TD out there that screw it up for everyone else.
That's why 'babysitting' can seen as an offensive word when said by the dad.

(don't ask me why she keeps taking him back, no-one knows)

[Ree]

It always pissed me off when it was referred to as babysitting when the father stayed home with the child.

It implies that childcare is the duty of the mother only, and the father is doing a favour by looking after the child.

Are you getting paid to look after the children?
NO.

Do you call is babusitting when the mother is with the children?
NO.

It's just fucking stupid to call it babysitting when it's actually PARENTING!!!

That's not attacking, nor criticizing, nor implying that anyone is a bastard if they refer to it as babysitting.

When our daughter was small, if I was out for an evening, people would say, "Is Daddy babysitting?"
I would say, "No, he's looking after our daughter at home."

[Kimmik]

Like I said I dont see a problem with calling it babysitting... after all he is sitting with the baby.. I also refer to it as watching, daddy time, and a few other words.. but never have I called it Parenting... as that is not something that you do off and on... and to be honest he watches Squee off and on.. as I am the primary care giver because of the hours he works.

He doesn't say I am at home raising the baby or parenting the baby... I am at home with or watching the baby.

Of course I am a feminists worse nightmare. I am very comfortable in the classic roles. Not to say that I can't do what a man can, but I prefer to be home with Squee and in the kitchen... which has caused my hubby grief... especially with his joke of shes at home doing women's work... He knows that there is nothing either of us do that the other cant... ok he cant cook,,, really he cant.

But to get bent out of shape about how the word babysitting is used is silly.. and by the by he does get paid to watch his daughter... lol he gets hubby points. Heck during this pregnancy I was babysat while hubby was at work as he worried I might fall down the stairs or have a problem.

ba·by·sit (bā'bē-sĭt')

v., -sat, also -sat (-săt'), -sit·ting, -sit·ing, -sits, -sits.

v.intr.

1. To take care of a child or children in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To take care of or watch over someone or something needing attention or guidance.

v.tr.

1. To provide care for (a child) in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To watch over or tend

[Ree]

ba·by·sit (bā'bē-sĭt')

v., -sat, also -sat (-săt'), -sit·ting, -sit·ing, -sits, -sits.

v.intr.

1. To take care of a child or children in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To take care of or watch over someone or something needing attention or guidance.

v.tr.

1. To provide care for (a child) in the absence of a parent or guardian.
2. To watch over or tend

So, if we take the first definition in each case, if the father is the parent, then there is no absence of a parent.

If we go by the second definition, then I guess you babysit your children too.

[Plaidman]

So, if we take the first definition in each case, if the father is the parent, then there is no absence of a parent.

If we go by the second definition, then I guess you babysit your children too.

Ahh, but remember, DrFaroohk makes it no secret to anyone at all, that he is merely the STEPfather. So he really isn't the parent in the biological sense. So technicaly, he does just /babysit/ them.


Not that he is a parent in any sense of my word of defination anyway.

[Hobbs]

Ahh, but remember, DrFaroohk makes it no secret to anyone at all, that he is merely the STEPfather. So he really isn't the parent in the biological sense. So technicaly, he does just /babysit/ them.


Not that he is a parent in any sense of my word of defination anyway.

Hua that, Plaid.

[Boozy]

Let's keep this on topic.

The debate is about using the word "babysitting" when talking about a parent watching a child. Any specific member's parenting skills are off the table for this thread, please.

[Ree]

Thanks, Boozy.

My comment wasn't directed at the OP anyway.
I was quoting Kimmik, so I was referring to her when I said she must babysit her children, too, if we take the word "babysitting" to mean

<snip>
2. To take care of or watch over someone or something needing attention or guidance.
<snip>
2. To watch over or tend

[Boozy]

My comment wasn't directed at the OP anyway.

I know. And I'm sorry that your comment was used as an excuse to derail the thread into "personal attack" territory.

Back on topic, a response to Kimmik: No one's suggesting that you say, "My husband is at home parenting". That's ridiculous-sounding. I like Ree's suggestion -- "my husband is at home with our daughter".

Dictionary definitions aside, everyone knows that "babysitter" strongly implies a non-primary caregiver.

You never answered my question: When you are at home with your child, and someone calls and asks what you're doing, do you say, "I'm babysitting"?

Of course you don't.

And yet you use that term when describing what it is your husband is doing. That's an obvious double-standard.

Now, you have admitted that you're comfortable in so-called "classic" roles, so if you're okay with the double-standard, than I won't argue with that. To each their own. But surely you can admit that the double-standard exists?

[Kimmik]

If we go by the second definition, then I guess you babysit your children too.

yes hun i baby sit my daughter..or as my mother would say tending to my child. In my family the raising of children is a family affair. Everyone is responsible for the child's well being. My grandmother watched me and taught me to cook and various things, I was sent to my uncle he wasn't my parent but he helped raise me. I helped raise my cousins. So to me yes my husband babysits as do I especially when we give each other a night off to do personal things.

To me babysitting means nothing more then to watch or to tend. As I said a friend babysat me while I was pregnant to help ease my hubby's mind. And that is what we called it.. since my friend was watching over me. In my younger years I babysat friends that drank to much or did a little to much drugs.

I guess I am odd to think that it takes more then 2 people to raise a child. To me it takes a family *and that can and for me does include *adopted family**

You never answered my question: When you are at home with your child, and someone calls and asks what you're doing, do you say, "I'm babysitting"?

Actually I know this may sound odd but I do either use watching or tending and off and on babysitting... Normally I use babysitting if it is my night to stay in with Squee. Which is generally a night that hubby gets to have a few beers and kill things on one of the many consoles.

And technically if we wish to be pedantic... I am the primary caregiver because of my husbands hours. He might see his daughter for an hour on the days he works. I actually sat down with him and talked about this... and he is of the same mind about how he sees the word.

The way I was raised babysitting ment nothing more then to watch or tend... as in my family as I said previously raising a child is a family affair.

[Ree]

All of that is admirable, Kimmik, and I don't dispute the "it takes a whole family to raise a child" aspect.

What is being questioned is a double standard of implying that the mother tending to the child is just being the mother as if that is her role, but the father tending to the child is "babysitting", which, as Boozy has said, has traditionally meant "a non-primary caregiver".
It is saying that the mother is the primary caregiver, and the father's role is just to bring home the bacon and occasionally help out with the child if needed.

In some families, the mother does still stay home with the child while the father goes out to work. It seems to be that way in your family, Kimmik, and you seem content with that.
Times have changed a great deal, though, and I know many more families have both parents working outside the home.
It hardly seems fair to imply that the mother in that situation should be primarily responsible for looking after the children, while the father is relegated to the role of "babysitter".

In any case, unless the family dynamic really is that the father only tends to the children on an occasional basis as a last resort, I still think it seems silly to call it babysitting when the father looks after the child.