People Who Feel No Need To Call You..

[blas87]

A slight twist on the other calling thread.

This is mostly in regards to cancelling plans or changing them, but why is it that some people just feel no need to call or let anyone know when they have changed their minds and are cancelling plans with you? It would be kind of nice to know!

My bf did this to me last night. Got into a fight with his ma (about halfway into my overtime shift while I was at work), and yes, I will give it to him that my phone was off and I couldn't check it anyway, but if he would have simply texted me "I got into a fight with my mom and I took off to a friend's house"...sure, I'd still be mad, but at least when I got off shift, I could have turned my phone back on, read it, and punched back in and worked some more. I left work and couldn't get a hold of him until I was already back into town 15 miles away, so it really didn't make any sense to do anything else but go home and not waste the gas to go all the way back and work some more. Plus, I wasn't in the mood to make other plans with friends because I was so tired and we had had plans to just relax and spend the night together.

Every time he does this kind of crap to me, I get irate and tell him "Why can't you just call me or text me if you're changing our plans or flat out ditching me?".....I get every excuse under the sun.

Seriously, I should NOT HAVE to call YOU after you leave and change plans without telling me. It genuinely sucks to have plans with someone, the time comes, and I haven't gotten a call or have no idea where you went.

It's not just him. I have other friends and acquaintances who say "We'll go out to eat Saturday. I will call you at 5"....and I make SURE to get enough sleep and not be tired on Saturday and do all my errands and have time to get ready....5 comes and no call no nothing. I call them and find out they went and did something else.

And why is it they always act so butthurt when I DO get ahold of them and get pissed that they did this to me? "Well, I just figured it wasn't a big deal", or my boyfriend's favorite excuse "I figured you would probably sleep in or be too tired, so I'd let you know later."

Edit to add: No, really, I cannot for the life of me figure out why these people act like I hurt THEIR feelings and they did nothing wrong when I do get ahold of them and lash out. Do you not comprehend that it's rude to plan stuff with someone and NEVER call them or let them know?

I feel bad if I ever have to cancel or if I fell asleep. People forgive me because I always get a hold of them before they have to hunt me down. I prefer doing it in person, but if I can't, I ALWAYS give that person plenty of notice before I "ditch" them so they can still make other plans. As long as I'm healthy, I do not want to spend Friday night stuck alone at my apartment like my shut-in neighbors. It was too late last night by the time I got home to do anything else, anyway.

[jackfaire]

Yeah see that's screwed up. I can be a spontaneous person and be all hey let's do this right now. But when I make a plan I stick to it and if it changes everyone involved is notified.

It hurts when you get stood up.

[blas87]

That's the biggest difference between my bf and I. I am extremely structured and organized. He has lived every moment of his life by the seat of his pants, and we constantly squabble over where we clash in those values.

Sad part is, most of my friends are too, because they have a lot more free time than I do.

I don't want to sound like a martyr or once again bring up that I base in everything in life on the shift that I work, but it's fucking amazing how much people have no respect for my time when I go OUT of my way to make sure that I can do things with people, even if it means changing my own sleep schedule or foregoing sleep so that I can spend a day with a friend. I have to be structured and organized because of my crazy hours at work. I don't have wiggle room to just up and decide to do random things.

[jackfaire]

In my opinion plans should always defer to the person with the most strict schedule. If you have room to be spontaneous then you sure as hell have room to keep plans.

My life is for the most part lived by the seat of my pants and anyone that uses that as an excuse is so ridiculously full of it. I am willing to bet if they have something they do plan that is important to them they keep it.

[blas87]

I'm not sure if it's him and my friends being selfish or what it is. I think it's selfish and really reflects on how they prioritize their life and the people they associate with. Makes me almost feel like I am nothing but an option to people.

Never make someone a priority if they only make you an option, my one friend once said. She is wise beyond her years.

[jackfaire]

Yeah she is.

[KellyHabersham]

My sister is, unfortunately, one of those people - 'tis happened a few times before that she'd mentioned plans to do something with me, but then backed out at the last minute without notice.

[Greenday]

Speaking of which, I was supposed to go out with a friend and a few of her friends tonight. She said we'd start around 8 since she has to leave around 10. 9 o'clock rolls around and nothing. I text her and try calling but she doesn't answer. Finally around 9:35 she says she's sorry she didn't call but they were just leaving to go to a bar, but she was still leaving around 10. Um, no way am I going. I'd have to take the shuttle bus up or drive and I'm not driving if I'm drinking. By the time I get there it would be 10. I just wish she had called and said something instead of leaving me hanging. Now everyone is out and it's too late to make plans with anyone else.

[Boozy]

That's the biggest difference between my bf and I. I am extremely structured and organized. He has lived every moment of his life by the seat of his pants, and we constantly squabble over where we clash in those values.

I have no problem with people who fly by the seats of their pants, but they have a responsibility to admit that to themselves and to others.

If he knows he might get distracted by something shiny at a moment's notice, the right thing to do would be refuse to make plans with you at all.

If he had said something to you like, "I may or may not be available tonight. Give me a call when you get off work and I'll let you know" -- then you probably wouldn't be that upset. Instead, he made solid plans with you and then ditched you. That's terribly rude.

My brother is a very spontaneous person, but it has never bothered me. He just says, "I'm not sure if I'll make it to your party, so get things started without me and maybe I'll see you there." That way, we're both happy.

[McDreidel09]

Oh my gosh,Blas! I really hate this! Unfortunately, it's most my guy friends who do this crap. It's as if I don't have a life and if they cancel without calling, it is no big deal. If our plans were a maybe, I tell them "Let me know, even if we can't hang out." They don't even do that! Would a quick text hurt? I know you are doing your calculus and that is a reason you can't hang out, but there is no reason you can't just send a text saying that you can't hang out.

[blas87]

He has been told that this is the last time I have put up with him just running off somewhere when we had plans and not having the courtesy to even try to get a hold of me. This is the last time I am going to find out for myself that he took off and we aren't doing anything.

I effing mean it, too. It really says a lot about a person when they obviously don't care about leaving someone hanging or without anything to do because they only cared about what they wanted to do at that moment.

[jackfaire]

I had my cell on me and we all had gone to see X Men 2 then (me and my friends) went over to a house before deciding we were all going to Chuckee Cheese, blame being in college, anyway a couple of us drive over expecting the others to be right behind us an hour later we find out plans changed after we left because someone got called away and the rest vaguely dispersed out of 10 people not a single one called me to say hey never mind.