Being Single...

[AdminAssistant]

Yes, I'm in a relationship. So, although I don't belong in this thread (apparently) here we go....

Why am I even posting? Because not 5 months ago, I was very unhappily single. I was lonely, desperate, and bitter. I said and thought many of the things I've seen here. I threw myself into fuckbuddy relationships that only made me feel like a slut. I thought that I was fat, ugly, annoying, a loser, and that nobody would ever give me the time of day. But that attitude only perpetuates the problem. Nobody wants to be with a Bitter Betty (or Bitter Billy).

I'm lucky to have reconnected with someone I've known for years. Now that I've been with him, I can see how completely wrong I was. He's the one I'm meant to be with. If things had worked out with a prior boyfriend...I wouldn't have had the chance to be with the person I consider my soulmate. This relationship is totally worth the years of self-doubt, anger, and sadness.

Perhaps the reason that people in relationships tell you that "oh, you'll find someone" or "someone is out there for you" is that....they're tired of hearing you bitch all the time about being single. If you are single, and you are unhappy with that fact, don't just wallow in your self-loathing. DO something about it. Join a dating website, go out to nightclubs, go to your church's social gatherings.....do things that will put you around people that you would be interested in.

You get annoyed about couples rubbing their relationships in your faces....but why should someone in a happy relationship be made to feel guilty about it? Just because you're unhappy? It's one thing to vent frustrations to your friend, but don't make them hate themselves for being in a relationship when you're not.

[MadMike]

Ouch dude... not something us enternally single people wanna hear you know.

Alot of us would murder to be with a wife and/or husband.

OK, maybe that was a little rough. But there was a point to be made. I'm sure you know the story of my evil ex. Back before I met her, I thought the same way you and some of the others in this thread did, that I had to be with someone or I wasn't complete. I used to agonize over whether or not I'd find someone. Then when I met her, I was so happy, and everything was perfect. At least it was until she started to show her true colors.

She was irresponsible (couldn't hold down a job and was constantly running up the bills), dishonest (used to cheat and steal from people, including me), and downright abusive at times (verbally and physically.) It took me six years to get free of her, and by that time, I really didn't care to be with anyone ever again.

I used to think that living alone was the worst thing, until I learned that living in fear was far, far worse.

I'll quietly exit the thread now...
(Alarms go off)
Can't get out that way...

[jackfaire]

My friend and me are both single. She is a single mother. As far as she is concerned and I agree the guys she has dated over the years kind of suck. She figures she is single unless she meets some guy and falls in love with him but she isn't looking and doesn't care to.

I am the same way if in the course of my I meet someone that wants to be with me and I want to be with them then great but I am not looking for it out of some misguided notion that everyone has to settle down with someone or that happiness has anything to do with being in a relationship.

I think part of the problem is a lot of people live prepping for a relationship. Mus get the right car, go to the right parties etc. Me I am going for an apartment in the city that I want even though most people in this area are aiming for the suburbs because I like living in the city and I won't change that unless at some point I want to.

Being happy is about doing what you want as long as you don't harm others. When your happy that is when a person will notice you and want to be part of that happiness.

[BlaqueKatt]

Being happy is about doing what you want as long as you don't harm others. When your happy that is when a person will notice you and want to be part of that happiness.

an advice columnist recently said "it's like being perfectly happy with a sandwich and chips for lunch(perfectly happy being single) and someone offers you a cookie(relationship)-you're happy with the sandwich(being single), and don't really need the cookie(relationship), but you can trade some of your chips(freedom) for the cookie."


you have to be comfortable with yourself before anyone else can want to be comfortable with you.

[LadyBarbossa]

an advice columnist recently said "it's like being perfectly happy with a sandwich and chips for lunch(perfectly happy being single) and someone offers you a cookie(relationship)-you're happy with the sandwich(being single), and don't really need the cookie(relationship), but you can trade some of your chips(freedom) for the cookie."


you have to be comfortable with yourself before anyone else can want to be comfortable with you.

I really like that analogy. A lot. I've also never been in a relationship, though not for lack of wanting to be. At 26, I think I've finally started to reach the point where I'm happy with myself and comfortable being me (although I'm still kind of an introvert).

[Boozy]

Ouch dude... not something us enternally single people wanna hear you know.

Alot of us would murder to be with a wife and/or husband.

I took MadMike's post to be a variation of: Wherever you go, there you are.

If you're unhappy when you're single, you'll be unhappy in a relationship too. You'll have simply traded one set of problems for another.

[guywithashovel]

I used to be unhappily single. These days, I'm more accepting of my singlehood (if that's even a word). I would still like to find someone, but I tend to keep that on the back burner anymore now. The way I feel now is that if the right person comes along, great. If she doesn't, then that will be fine, too. I'll just be a bachelor.

Lately, I've been coming more to terms with reality when it comes to my situation. I have stated this before on the boards, but I'll say it again here since it's relevant to the topic. I do not want to have children. That is something that I am 100% sure of, too. I'm starting to think that maybe there aren't as many women out there as I thought who don't want children. Before, I thought it would be fairly easy to find one. Don't get me wrong. I was realistic enough to know that my dating pool would be minimized, but I'm starting to think that maybe it's been minimized a little more than I initially thought. The reason for this is that I'm seeing (or hearing about) a lot of people I have known for a while having children (including my younger sister). So, maybe us don't-want-children people aren't as numerous as I thought we were.

To some extent, I could probably handle some differences in a mate. If she has slightly different political views or religious views than I do, I could probably deal with that. But if she wants kids, it just isn't going to work. That is one thing I'm unyielding on.

So basically, I would really like to be with someone and be "the childless couple." But if I end up being the lifelong bachelor, that will be okay, too. I'll make the best of either.

EDIT:

@ MadMike

You might want to be careful what you say. Doesn't your wife read this forum?

[MadMike]

@ MadMike

You might want to be careful what you say. Doesn't your wife read this forum?

Not this one. She doesn't even get on CS anymore. She used to be a member, but that was a couple hacks ago.

[Plaidman]

*cocks shotgun* Just keep leaving that way Mr. Mike. there be no problems...

Teasing bro. Don't ban me please. I'll uh... go over there.


I know that being in a relationship doesn't take away your problems. It does take away one's lonelyness, which is what alot of people feel.

That overaching feeling of being unloved. The touch of another, and not even a sexual way, just a hug, or a kiss, or holding hands can just feel so much better then laying alone at night, or holding your own hand, or cuddling with a freaking teddy bear because your cat wants to sleep on the couch instead.

I hate being single. But I do try to go out with others. I've been pretty succussful more then ever lately. Even with my limp, and lack of cash. But its the same deal, but more polite. "I think your sweet, but I just see you as a friend".

But still, million times better then "Ug, your ugly!" Or "Get away freak". I'm getting on dates itself. Even if its completely draining my rather depleted bank account.

[the_std]

Actually, Plaid, I have never been more lonely than when I was in a bad relationship. It's ten times worse than just plain being alone. In my bad relationships, the person I was supposed to be able to hold hands with, to hug and cuddle, to be able to confide in and talk to no matter what, withdrew emotionally and left me by myself. It is worse knowing that you should be able to be with them, yet they have no interest in being with you.

I am single now and much prefer knowing for sure, not having to guess, not wondering how I screwed things up than speculating as to why someone I loved no longer wanted to touch me or talk to me, even though we lived together.

[blas87]

I have been there/done that as well, std.

One sided relationships are worse than being single. You feel just as lonely and just as sad and hopeless.

[jackfaire]

It sucks when the person berates you because you say I love you too often and it's the first time you said it that day.

[KnitShoni]

It sucks when the person berates you because you say I love you too often and it's the first time you said it that day.

And then, when you don't say it, you hear, "Why don't you ever tell me you love me?!?"