My weird ways of controlling....me (long and ranty)

[Cat]

Well, this was sorta inspired by the Live Simply thread and very recent events in my life. It is very interesting how I got here...

Anyway, if ya'll saw on CS, I had a minor break-down and got over whelmed with all the stuff I have. As I was bagging up some junk, I though of why I felt this way...and it hit me....control.

Growing up and continuing today, my mother had this strong need to buy me shit. Stuff she would like for me to have...nothing I needed/wanted. Hell, my place is furnished the way SHE wanted it, even though I said to please let me do it myself. She continues to buy me shit. And I cannot just "dump" it, I feel guilty for doing so, so it just piles and piles on.

So what do I do? I buy crap....but crap *I* like and want (with each new bag I am a new person...weird, I know) and that gets piled on. I have realized its a control issue, I cannot control major things in my life yet (wanting to move to New Hampshire, get the hell outta by job) so I control the little things, buying bags, and even my eating habits (during the week I plan out all my meals in an iPod app)

At least I realized why I do it, and I know its not good....eps since I want to "live simpler" and just enjoy little things, taking pictures of places I have been, or funny business cards for the memories, but its hard. Though 16 bags for Goodwill is a hell of a start!!

Sad/funny/ironic thing...this really all started with one bag I saw at REI. It was rather similar to ones I have, but there was some charm about it....I liked who I was when I held it. (weird, yes) But I didn't buy it, I was using super-awesome-bag the bf got me, and I didn't want to "cheat" on that one (that bag is now my lightweight hiking purse) Had the minor breakdown, cleaned, felt great when I realized what was bothering me.....and now I still want that stupid bag because now I think it symbolizes that I got to this realization.

Cat's crazy!! Thanks for listening, enjoy the tofu.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

Maybe it's just me, but enjoying the little things includes neat techno-gadgets and buying things you like. Just because you're buying the object of your fascination/enjoyment doesn't make it any less simple for the fact that you paid money to get it. It's when people go on huge buying sprees disconnected from any enjoyment they might have simply for the love of owning stuff regardless of it's quality that life's no longer simple.

That said, it wasn't that ranty, nor long. Listening was interesting, you're welcome, but I fed the tofu to my dog and she started licking her... you'know... so I don't think I'll have any

[Cat]

See, I do have that little "thrill" from buying things (call me Becky Bloomwood*) and my stuff tends to pile up since I will not throw things away...esp gifts (even if I never use nor even like said gifts)

It is a silly complaint, but when I visit the parents (once every two weeks) my mom has bought be yet another 'gift' she 'thought' I'd like (ie, she would like me to like it because she likes it) and it gets piled on.

She mocked me last weekend, I mentioned I donated 25 bags to Goodwill and trashed 10 bags.....she commented that it felt good and that I had a lot of stuff....hmm...most of that stuff was from her!!

Oh well.


*Becky from the Shopaholic book series. Not the movie. I refuse to see the movie....they made her American!!! (nothing against Yanks, I am one, but please stay true to the book)