Online Job Applications (long)

[KitterCat]

"Would you rather miss work, or drown a litter of puppies?" UM WTF am I supposed to pick, I know i would rather miss work than drown a litter of puppies. But I would look like a shit employee for saying I want to miss work. Of course if I drown puppies, I'm an unstable maniac so what are you supposed to pick.

Even worse, what if your job is to drown a litter of puppies? Are you going to avoid work completely or do your job?

[jackfaire]

I once went in for a three part job screening. The first part is using a computer program designed in the 80's that uses a psych test from the 50's both of which were out of date.

And they wonder why they are losing market share.

[Sunsetsky]

I hate online applications. When I was looking for a full time job several years ago I bet most of the places I applied at had the electronic apps. Whatever happened to filling out applications by pen and handing it in yourself? I also never know what to answer for those questions they ask. I thought that was what interviews were for.

[Green_Fairy]

Oh gods, I hate this as well. I'm unemployed since two weeks, and I'm sending in applications for pretty much everything. Most of it goes well, but there are some places that just pisses me off. Tried to register with a temp staffing agency, unfortunatly they had a needlessly complicated web page, which meant that my fucked up computer wouldn't let me open up the Java scripted form that they wanted me to fill out. Fuck them asses.

i hear ya. i'm applying everywhere, too. i don't remember where i was applying to, but their application thing crashed my computer. i remember a while back i applied at a furniture store. they had math on the application. not just simple adding and subtraction, but fractions, long division, the parenthesis things...i graduated high school 5 years ago! but i guess they weren't kidding when they said that that stuff was going to be used in real life...

[freeatlast]

A few years ago I applied for a job that had a very long and involved online application to complete. After spending nearly an hour completing and submitting the application I was contacted for an interview. During the phone call to schedule the interview, they confirmed my email address so that they could send the "official" application for me to complete and print prior to my interview. When I opened it, the instructions advised not to begin completing it unless I had at least an hour in which to work on it. And when it was completed and I printed it, it turned out to be 24 printed pages. And after all that trouble, I didn't get the job

[Red Panda]

Online apps have one advantage, you can fill them out while nude.


The test results surprise me. I hardly ever strongly agreed or disagreed because I assumed they would prefer somebody who is mellow over somebody who is an extremist. Yes slow people make me impatiant, but not always. I won't be impatiant with an elderly customer. That's why I didn't strongly agree with that statement.

[jackfaire]

Online apps have one advantage, you can fill them out while nude..

I tried that one time but they chased me out of the library.

[insertNameHere]

The test results surprise me. I hardly ever strongly agreed or disagreed because I assumed they would prefer somebody who is mellow over somebody who is an extremist. Yes slow people make me impatiant, but not always. I won't be impatiant with an elderly customer. That's why I didn't strongly agree with that statement.

I mistakenly believed the same as you, because well it is human to have a range of emotions of different levels

[Fryk]

Human? HUMAN??? You expect companies to want to hire humans?

No no no, they want mindless drones they can bend to their whim!

[Rageaholic]

fuck it all!

You know what else I hate about online job applications? When one wrong keystroke fucks up the entire thing, when you're just a few BS application questions away. Then you have to start it alllllllll over again.

And those questions are so fucking assbackwards I don't even know how the answer some of them. I hate how they ask the same question like five times expecting to catch you off guard. And yes, I was right about some of the questions, they actually asked crap like if I enjoy working in a fast paced environment, if I am tired after working, and all these dumbass 'leadership' questions. Uh no, I'm only applyinig for a cashier position, I don't think dumbass things like how much extra ciricular stuff I did in school, if I like to tell others what to do (yes they actually asked that), how often I lead, and all these other "student of the year" type questions have anything to do with that.

Not everyone was Mr. Popular in school. For some of us, a day surfing the web playing video games would be more preferable than all that school BS. Is that such a fucking crime, you HR bastards? Does that mean I should never be hired for anything no matter what my skills are? They act like every fucking position depends on being super extravert, never mind my other skills. But the jobs that do use my skills require years of college, half of it being general education bullshit that's only there so the college can make money off of those classes.

God damn it, I really hate this job market. You can't even get a simple minimum wage job without jumping through all these hoops, and even then it's still luck. What I do in my spare time should have nothing to do with the position I'm applying for. I'm tired of lying and lying through these questions and still getting nothing but a big fuck you. And anyone who thinks it's easy to get a job and that I'm just not trying hard enough can get fucked.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[Crazedclerkthe2nd]

I fully agree with all the nonsense mentioned but I think I have one that even beats that.

My wife was doing an online application for an office job a few weeks back and the entire application was timed.

That means if you didn't fill it out fast enough, you had to start over and try again.

[Rageaholic]

Timed ones? I'd like to say that surprises me, but sadly it doesn't. I've heard that unicru times your answers and will automatically fail you for not answering fast enough. Of course, having the application cancel in the middle sounds all too familular.

Do they let you know ahead of time that it's timed and do they tell you how much time you have or do you not know you're being timed until they make you start it over? Because if it's the latter, than wow...

[Rantsylvania 6-5000]

And those questions are so fucking assbackwards I don't even know how the answer some of them. I hate how they ask the same question like five times expecting to catch you off guard. And yes, I was right about some of the questions, they actually asked crap like if I enjoy working in a fast paced environment, if I am tired after working, and all these dumbass 'leadership' questions. Uh no, I'm only applyinig for a cashier position, I don't think dumbass things like how much extra ciricular stuff I did in school, if I like to tell others what to do (yes they actually asked that), how often I lead, and all these other "student of the year" type questions have anything to do with that.

I hate those things too. I don't know how to answer that question about being tired after work. I've answered "agree" because I figured they think that means I bust my ass all day. I do, but I get so geared up at work, that it takes me several hours to get tired and wind down most of the time.

Not everyone was Mr. Popular in school. For some of us, a day surfing the web playing video games would be more preferable than all that school BS. Is that such a fucking crime, you HR bastards? Does that mean I should never be hired for anything no matter what my skills are? They act like every fucking position depends on being super extravert, never mind my other skills. But the jobs that do use my skills require years of college, half of it being general education bullshit that's only there so the college can make money off of those classes.

I hate this too. They want to look for "patterns" to see what kind of person you have been since you were in elementary school, for shit's sake! Personally, I am a lot different than when I was in school. I wasn't one of those phony-ass popular kids either, that doesn't mean I can't hold down a job! The HR people must be a bunch of those former popular kids who want to do "social cleansing" in the workplace. Get rid of all those people who don't fit the mold.

I have been learning and growing even since my last job. The mistakes I made then, I know not to make now. So I really don't want to be judged for the rest of my life for decisions I've made in my last 20 years of working, and certainly not for what I did in school!

God damn it, I really hate this job market. You can't even get a simple minimum wage job without jumping through all these hoops, and even then it's still luck. What I do in my spare time should have nothing to do with the position I'm applying for. I'm tired of lying and lying through these questions and still getting nothing but a big fuck you. And anyone who thinks it's easy to get a job and that I'm just not trying hard enough can get fucked.

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

AMEN!

Timed ones? I'd like to say that surprises me, but sadly it doesn't. I've heard that unicru times your answers and will automatically fail you for not answering fast enough. Of course, having the application cancel in the middle sounds all too familular.

Do they let you know ahead of time that it's timed and do they tell you how much time you have or do you not know you're being timed until they make you start it over? Because if it's the latter, than wow...

I know that the apps sometimes time out when I'm still filling them out, but I just have to log back in and the info I've already entered has been saved. Shit, if they didn't ask so many damn probing questions about everything! Soon they'll be asking us what kind of underwear we wear! It doesn't help that I have OCD either, I keep checking to make DAMN sure I don't screw up!

I seem to recall taking a test that was timed though, I believe it was a basic math test.

[jedimaster91]

Why don't companies want people who will come in and do their job? I work darn hard while on the clock. I strive to do the best job I know how. I will bust my tail for you while I'm getting paid to do so. After that, I go home. Fortunately, I'm in an industry that I can leave work at work. I know some people can't do that.

I agree.

Though we don't have long questionnaires over here, it can still be a tedious process when one has to type in the entire resume, instead of just uploading one you've written yourself.

Resume on memory stick + copy/paste = WIN!

Sometimes I have to mess with the formatting a bit, but at least I don't have to retype the thing.

What sucks, is I'm to honest sometimes.

I think that cost me a job once. In the interview, they asked me what I would do if things were slammed and we were short staffed. I said I'd do the best that I could and try not to stress over things out of my control. Apparently that's not what they wanted to hear.

[Rageaholic]

I hate this too. They want to look for "patterns" to see what kind of person you have been since you were in elementary school, for shit's sake! Personally, I am a lot different than when I was in school. I wasn't one of those phony-ass popular kids either, that doesn't mean I can't hold down a job! The HR people must be a bunch of those former popular kids who want to do "social cleansing" in the workplace. Get rid of all those people who don't fit the mold.

I have been learning and growing even since my last job. The mistakes I made then, I know not to make now. So I really don't want to be judged for the rest of my life for decisions I've made in my last 20 years of working, and certainly not for what I did in school!

Yup, I think they were the 'popular kids' who were involved with sports, and all this other acedemic bullshit. When I have to work, I work, but when I don't, I'm not going to "look for other work" when I'm finished or go that much out of my way. No one should be like that 24/7. The overacheivers are far and few between. Unfortunately, those are usually the people who have no trouble landing a job the minute they walk into the place. A lot of these people are total douchebags, but somehow manage to BS their way into any job.

I learn from my mistakes too. I realize I am not perfect and have come to accept it. Life is much easier not beating yourself up and accepting your strengths as well as your weaknesses. Why can't the HR douchebags get it through their thick skull that people are unique and have their own strengths, despite their flaws? No one is perfect, and no one should have to be, but judging by my experience job hunting, the "perfect" people (like Ren Stevens) are the only ones worth hiring.

Why don't companies want people who will come in and do their job? I work darn hard while on the clock. I strive to do the best job I know how. I will bust my tail for you while I'm getting paid to do so. After that, I go home. Fortunately, I'm in an industry that I can leave work at work. I know some people can't do that.

Exactly. I'm willing to work weekends, holidays, or any shift that's not midnights (gotta sleep). Outside of college (which I'm on break from currently), I have nothing that would interfere with the job. I thought that would be an advantage, but thanks to those fucking tests which are becoming more and more common in applications, none of that matters. As far as they are concerned, I failed their bullshit test, so I'm a nobody. Fuck em all.

I think that cost me a job once. In the interview, they asked me what I would do if things were slammed and we were short staffed. I said I'd do the best that I could and try not to stress over things out of my control. Apparently that's not what they wanted to hear.

I'd think they'd want someone who wouldn't stress themselves out and get the job, but from what I can tell, the more you stress yourself out for the job, the better you are. Horray for beating yourself up over things beyond your controll! Great message!