non-parents giving parental advice

[KellyHabersham]

*nothing in particular brought this up, just felt like ranting about it as it's always been a pet peeve of mine*

Basically, it bugs me when people who've either never had children or haven't had a lot of experience with them feel that they're entitled to give advice and opinions on being a parent.....the following being a few examples:

- My mom's stepmother......didn't marry/have children before she met my grandpa, her siblings all remained single and childless, and my mom & her brothers were pretty much grown when she'd married my grandpa. (Basically, she's just not had a lot of experience with kids) However, she still feels entitled to give parental advice and acts like she knows what she's talking about when she clearly doesn't.

- My sister & her husband.......before they started their family, they were always butting in with parental advice, and were always threatening to call CPS on me for the stupidest, piddley things.

- my brother and his wife........they've just recently married, and although she's had experience with babysitting and being around her sister's kid, beyond a certain point, I don't think she's really qualified to give parental advice, and neither is my brother.

[Rebel]

-My younger sister. She's the baby of the family. Last year she was dating a guy with a 5 year old son. From the little interaction she had with him, she decided she was well acquainted with how to be a mother. She started giving our older sister advice and lectures on how to properly raise her 2 year old son.

[crashhelmet]

Just about everyone I know personally that complains about this are offended that someone else gave them parenting advice and use it as a trump card to "win" the argument. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. It's "How dare you tell me how to raise *MY* kid???"

There are some parenting skills that are common sense. Some skills that you learn from being a child yourself. Having a kid doesn't establish qualifications to being able to give parental advice. I have a soon to be 4 year old son, but I've been working with kids of all ages for years. It wasn't my experience babysitting my nieces and nephews or my God-Daughters that gave me the skills, or even being a teacher. It was my parents and how they raised me and my siblings. That's where I learned how to be a parent.

Your sister and her husband were threatening to call CPS? What were you doing that would prompt such a threat? We read on this board and CS.com all the time about parenting failures. Not saying you're guilty of it, but maybe sometimes you should step outside your viewpoint and take a look at it the way others see it.

CH

[jackfaire]

"Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. "

All advice coming from anyone in my mind is treated with a grain of salt. I have seen parents that "should know better" give horrible advice that shows they have no real understanding of children while people with no experience kids have given great advice.

Advice is about the individual and their insight not what their qualifications are.

For example one friend of mine doesn't really have any programming experience he made a suggestion to a friend of ours that is programming a video game. The suggestion solved the problem yet based on the "Doesn't have the qualifications so his advice is crap" theory the suggestion shouldn't have worked.

[KellyHabersham]

Your sister and her husband were threatening to call CPS? What were you doing that would prompt such a threat? We read on this board and CS.com all the time about parenting failures. Not saying you're guilty of it, but maybe sometimes you should step outside your viewpoint and take a look at it the way others see it.

CH

Well, this was something like ten years ago, but to answer your question - it wasn't about anything more than they felt I should be constantly following my daughter around, never take my eyes off her for even a second, and instantly cleaning up any mess she made. Anything less meant that I was a "bad parent and needed to have CPS called on me." And while I'd be the first to admit that I'm not a perfect parent, I honestly don't feel that there was ever anything worth calling CPS in the first place.

(I should probably also mention that these threats stopped once my sister and her husband had kids of their own )

[jackfaire]

(I should probably also mention that these threats stopped once my sister and her husband had kids of their own )

Gotta bet it was tempting to parrot their advice and threats back to them at that point.

[Amanita]

Sometimes things are just common sense, and you don't have to be a parent to see that.
I remember reading a story somewhere about a deli worker who caught two girls licking the hot case while their doting father looked on. The deli worker was concerned about the kids- one, the case was hot, and it had also just been cleaned with something that would not be healthy to ingest. The father, when confronted, gave crap to the poor Deli worker. "You obviously don't have kids. It's easier if I let my girls do what they want!"

Other situations where you don't have to be a parent to know something's not right:
Kids running around in a restaurant, throwing food, bothering other patrons
Kids engaged in bullying behavior towards others
Kids abusing animals

I'm sure I can think of lots of others. Now, opinions on appropriate discipline for the above infractions may vary, but you don't have to have reproduced to know that kids should not be doing, or getting away with certain things.

[DrFaroohk]

I feel that way about anyone not qualified to give such advice. Like people who don't even have a license telling me how to drive. Or people who aren't doctors trying to trump a real doctor in advice giving. Or non-lawyers.

Same as why no one wants to listen to an entry level employee bitching about the way the company runs. Like me. Sure, to me it makes perfect sense for the company to do things my way. And I bet that, given the information I have, my way would work best. But that's not counting the information I don't have, which is probably why the company does things it's own way. There's something I simply don't know that would make my idea useless. Hence why I keep my mouth shut at work despite how stupid I think the bosses are.

[crashhelmet]

I feel that way about anyone not qualified to give such advice. Like people who don't even have a license telling me how to drive. Or people who aren't doctors trying to trump a real doctor in advice giving. Or non-lawyers.

Same as why no one wants to listen to an entry level employee bitching about the way the company runs. Like me. Sure, to me it makes perfect sense for the company to do things my way. And I bet that, given the information I have, my way would work best. But that's not counting the information I don't have, which is probably why the company does things it's own way. There's something I simply don't know that would make my idea useless. Hence why I keep my mouth shut at work despite how stupid I think the bosses are.

Being stubborn about things tends to lead to being blind about them too. Especially when it comes to changing them. Just because you have a license and a 12 year old doesn't, it doesn't mean that they can't tell if you've run a red light, are speeding, or failed to signal properly. Just because someone has been doing a job for a lesser time than you have doesn't mean they can't be right about something and you wrong.

Yes, things like a doctor's is hard to trump. But someone that's been a doctor for 30 years as opposed to someone fresh out of med school doesn't always know more. They can be too stubborn and set in their ways to see or try anything new.

People that have this attitude need to pull their heads out of their asses before their egos cause their heads to swell up and get permanently stuck.

CH

[McDreidel09]

Out of curiosity,I am going to ask.I am guilty of putting in my advice about parenting, even though I am not a parent, but I have had a huge role in raising my sister. I fed her,made sure she got her homework done, taken her where she needed to be, made sure she was clean and had clean clothes, taught her pretty much all she knows about living independently, everything else a parent might do.

My question is this: would it be annoying for someone who had a huge hand in raising a sibling to give parental advice?

[jackfaire]

My question is this: would it be annoying for someone who had a huge hand in raising a sibling to give parental advice?

To me it is never the advice that is annoying it is when the person expects you to treat their advice as if God reached down and just gave you the ten commandments.

Advice is good just don't ever assume that yours is golden.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I don't have kids; however, I used to help my mum out all the time back when she was a childminder; I have been a child, and I used to babysit all the time. Also, a lot of parenting advice is common sense.

A lot of people who refuse to hear advice from non parents just want to be allowed to let their kids run riot and eat the yellow snow. -.-

[Fryk]

What's wrong with yellow snow? Are you saying it's NOT lemon flavored?

[guywithashovel]

I don't have kids, and honestly, I have very little interest in kid issues. I don't understand why other people in my camp feel the need to dish out unsolicited advice. However, I think a lot of unsolicited advice from any subject is bullocks.

[Wingates_Hellsing]

What's wrong with yellow snow? Are you saying it's NOT lemon flavored?

NOT AT ALL!






It's actually kinda gag-inducing, horrible-tasting, tasteless, chalky kinda taste. Like French food only without that air of superiority, or hours of bizarre effort.