non-parents giving parental advice

[KnitShoni]

The issue is not really the advice itself. I think it's more that it's unsolicited, and tends to be given in the "You're doing it wrong, you're supposed to do it this way" tone. No parent wants to hear that. No parent wants to be told, for example, that if their child isn't potty trained by age 3, the parents are lazy/not trying hard enough/not doing the right things. Yes, some parenting issues are common sense. However, many aren't. There are some things that, no matter how many other people's children you've helped raise, you don't learn until you have to raise one yourself.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Like what? Everyone has been a child, and has experienced parenting. For example, my brother and sister in law let my niece stay up til ten. Both my parents agree with me that it's far too late for a kid who's only just a year old to stay up that late; when I was that age, I was in bed and asleep, and had been for hours. A lot of parents seem to have this superiority complex where they believe that just cuz they popped out a child, they automatically have this inner knowledge that no-one who hasn't spawned has. -.- If that was a fact, then there wouldn't be so many cases of child neglect thru ignorance.

I will make the point that I won't offer unsolicited advice to a parent unless it's something that affects me personally; for example, a child running riot in a restaurant. Even then, I'll have to be extremely irritated before I approach the parents directly.

[KnitShoni]

Thing is, you don't know WHY they let her stay up that late. My four year old goes to bed at 9:30. She wakes up at 6:30. When she was a year old, she went to bed at 11:00, because, any sooner than that, she'd be up at 3am and be unable to go back to sleep. The problem with a lot of advice is, each child is different. What works for one may not necessarily work for another. It's not about parents thinking they know all as soon as the child is born. It's more that the parent is the one learning how to parent their child. They are the one learning their child. Give advice. That's fine. But understand that you don't know their child, and your advice may not work for their child.

Being a child and raising a child are two different things. Babysitting a child and raising a child are two different things. I was a child. I've been babysitting and helping raise children since I was 4 years old. I have a child. I have issues with people who have not been in my shoes, i.e. dealing with my child 24/7, telling me how to raise her, that I was a bad parent because she wasn't walking by 9 months, she was still breastfeeding at 6, 12, 18, 24 months, and she was 2 before she was fully potty trained. This is where a lot of parents are coming from when they say they hate non-parents giving advice.

As far as children allowed to run riot: that is my biggest pet peeve. Parents who allow that aren't being parents.

[guywithashovel]

In regards to this topic, I think it bears mentioning that parents can often be just as bad about giving out unsolicited parenting advice. Like KnitShoni said, a lot of parents have different situations and routines with their kids, and just because something works in one person's home, doesn't mean it will work in another home.

[Boozy]

For example, my brother and sister in law let my niece stay up til ten. Both my parents agree with me that it's far too late for a kid who's only just a year old to stay up that late; when I was that age, I was in bed and asleep, and had been for hours.

I don't see a problem with letting babies stay up late, as long as they're getting enough sleep during any given 24 hour period. Babies have weird sleeping patterns anyways.

If letting her stay up until 10 works with her parents' schedules, is it really an issue? She doesn't have to be on a school schedule for another three or four years yet.

[Lace Neil Singer]

It is an issue, cuz she's always overtired and badtempered the next day. She still wakes up at six am the next day, regardless of what time she goes to bed.