Falling for someone you can't have

[Boozy]

Well shit I am screwed because my tastes for both friends and romantic partners are the same. If they are a friend 9 times out of 10 I would date them too. I have the same standards for both.

I'm in the same boat. If I can't be someone's friend, than how could I possibly think about getting romantically involved with them?

I think you guys are misunderstanding me.

Of course you should be friends with people you date. But there's a difference between liking your romantic interests as friends and liking your friends romantically.

Jackfaire - Are you seriously saying that you want to sleep with every single one of your friends?

All I'm saying is that if you want to sleep with someone, and can't for whatever reason, don't hang around with them platonically. Move on.

[smileyeagle1021]

None of them were drunks or had any problems of that kind, but I understand the title very well: everyone I've *ever* fallen for has been straight

Most annoying.

Oh, how I can relate... I can remember in high school be head over heals over a guy, absolutely most perfect guy I could have hoped for... straight as a fucking arrow (or so I thought, would you believe it, he came out two years after I moved 500 miles away ) Then in college fell for a mormon guy... oh yeah, straight as an arrow. Then there was ONE gay guy I feel for... oh yeah, he was in a committed relationship. Wasn't until I finally met the guy who is my current boyfriend did I get that combination of someone I was interested in and was gay and was available

[Greenday]

Greenday, don't even bother "waiting" for this girl. You will be wasting time that could spend on meeting a girl that is interested in YOU and only you.

That'd be no one at the moment. The only person that could have been interested in me was just telling me last weekend that she found a guy she wants to date at her job. So I'm kinda knocked back to no one right now.

[jackfaire]

Jackfaire - Are you seriously saying that you want to sleep with every single one of your friends?

All I'm saying is that if you want to sleep with someone, and can't for whatever reason, don't hang around with them platonically. Move on.

Just about yes.

But do you mean want as in if it happened that would be cool or want as in I am pining away for it?

[Boozy]

I guess I mean pining for it in such a way that it bothers you or gets in the way of your friendship.

I recognize that a lot of men (and women) are "good to go" with any not-unattractive person they know and like. But that's different than falling for someone.

[Red Panda]

Oh, how I can relate... I can remember in high school be head over heals over a guy, absolutely most perfect guy I could have hoped for... straight as a fucking arrow (or so I thought, would you believe it, he came out two years after I moved 500 miles away ) Then in college fell for a mormon guy... oh yeah, straight as an arrow. Then there was ONE gay guy I feel for... oh yeah, he was in a committed relationship. Wasn't until I finally met the guy who is my current boyfriend did I get that combination of someone I was interested in and was gay and was available

It seems like gay guys fall for straight guys alot which I find strange becasue straight guys and gay guys tend to act differently. If it a physical thing?

[blas87]

Same reason gay girls fall for straight girls, although I've found that there isn't a lot of difference in gay and straight women when it comes to their hobbies and interests, other than who they are attracted to.

[HYHYBT]

It seems like gay guys fall for straight guys alot which I find strange becasue straight guys and gay guys tend to act differently. If it a physical thing?

Hard to say, but sheer chance would account for a lot of it: depending on who's doing the estimating, between 90 and 98% of the population is straight. Which means that chance alone would say that if I develop an interest in 50 people then only between one and five of them will even be gay. And I'm nowhere near up to 50.

Of course, *after* finding the gay one, you still have as much chance of their being not interested for other reasons as anyone else.

[Boozy]

It seems like gay guys fall for straight guys alot which I find strange becasue straight guys and gay guys tend to act differently.

In my experience, gay men act the same as straight men.

Television and movie portrayals aside.

[jackfaire]

It seems like gay guys fall for straight guys alot which I find strange becasue straight guys and gay guys tend to act differently. If it a physical thing?

Meh I don't act differently than straight guys.

[Red Panda]

I've always noticed gay men acting gayer then straight men, even if it isn't obviouse. Every guy who I've later found out was gay I had already suspected based on their behaviour .

[smileyeagle1021]

It seems like gay guys fall for straight guys alot which I find strange becasue straight guys and gay guys tend to act differently. If it a physical thing?

As others have mentioned, a lot of it is a numbers game, you are much more likely to find a straight guy than a gay guy. Also, it is yet another area that homosexuals are exactly like heterosexuals... we want what we know we can't have. Straight men fall for married women, lesbians, women who just aren't interesting in them, etc... straight men happen to fall into the largest category of that which we cannot have.

eta- and could you clarify exactly what you consider gay behavior?

[blas87]

It doesn't help when most TV shows/movies portray gay males as over the top flamboyantly gay....hand movements, lisp, etc etc etc.

[Red Panda]

^ Thats how all the ones I know act

[Greenday]

eta- and could you clarify exactly what you consider gay behavior?

Asking me to define gay behavior, besides showing an interest in only men, is something I can't do. But for me, it's basically a 6th sense. Any guy I got to know that turned out to be gay, I just knew he was gay before he confirmed it or someone else did. For instance, I have a gay friend that when he first joined my group, he had never come out to anyone. He especially hung out with one of the really cute girls in my group all of the time. I knew for a fact that she liked him. And yet, something was amiss. While he acted like he liked her, I could tell it was just that, an act. Then it hit me: he was gay! A few months later, he came out to us, no one cared in the slightest, but I was the only one not surprised.

I don't get it. In my experience, every gay guy I've met is just not as masculine as most other guys. Don't get me wrong, I've never met one that acted completely feminine or anything, but they just don't seem to ever fit into the majority of male stereotypes. A hardcore sense of fashion may also be a dead giveaway. Bonus points if he can tell one designer from another.