Falling for someone you can't have

[Plaidman]

I have gay friends, both male and female. Other then the guys constant need for attention of talking about cocks and cum, (Which they have been MUCH better now then they used too, which is a good thing) ya really couldn't tell they were /gay/ by sterotypical signs. One of them wrestles, full beard, rough-acting at times, loud. He is a bear as he once told me.

Though all of them are a little shocked that if I meet people in person, I've got a 99 percent rate on gaydar, and its better then some of them. (To be fair, that 1 percent did end up being gay, but he commited suicide rather then face the stygma of that due to his family heavy antigay stance).

I'd tell how I do it, but no-one gets it and calls it bullshit and a myth, but it's been pretty fucking accurate.


EDIT: Oh yeah. Me falling for someone I can't have. That happens to me alot. Like, at least ten times a year. Only recently have I gotten more and more courage to feel that I do deserve someone in the future. Strangely enough it was due to alot of people here and at cs, on both sexes. No secret I did have two boyfriends before, but it was kinda more for want of attention and love, even though I did love those two guys in a strange way ><. Stupid twisted Plaidman logic.

[Red Panda]

One of them wrestles, full beard, rough-acting at times, loud. He is a bear as he once told me.

Your example of somebody who isn't a stereotype sounds like a stereotypical bear.

[Hobbs]

Haha, I was gonna say the same thing XD

[jackfaire]

A hardcore sense of fashion may also be a dead giveaway. Bonus points if he can tell one designer from another.

Meh I am lucky if my socks match.

[Plaidman]

Your example of somebody who isn't a stereotype sounds like a stereotypical bear.

That much is true, but many many of my customers, many of my other friends don't get that. They only think gay men as super skinny, super high pitch voice with hand gestures, constant calling people bitch, super fashion sense etc.

Sorry, should have been more specfic.

[LadyBarbossa]

The best I can recommend is to continue being his friend and do what you can to show him that there is more than getting wasted on the weekends.

Most people like him are self-destructive like that because it blocks their acknowledgment of their own pain and/or depression. It sounds quite possible that it's the same for him.

Give him an ear and a shoulder. Get him to hang out outside of work doing things that will keep him sober, or at least less wasted for now. Help him come out of his shell. Things just might be different then.

CH

Arighty, it's been a while, but I'm still dealing with all this mess. Despite being told that all the positions were filled and they probably wouldn't hire him, this guy was given a permanent position shortly after I was and for the most part, seems happy working the produce department. Our schedules are constantly getting flipped and rotated, so we aren't able to break together every day like we did on remodel, but if we're both on break at the same time, we'll hang out and just talk about this, that, and whatever. Since produce is right up front, we see each other from a distance often and shoot little smiles back and forth. I can't walk past him without him popping out of the aisle and following me for a while or stopping me to chat. Sometimes I'll sit on the bench by the time clock on lunch and he'll clock out to go home, but then come and sit down with me for a few minutes instead of racing for the front door like he usually does.

However, he still spends his days off laying around in bed with his friend Bud Light and posting pissed off statuses online about the guy who got him in trouble last winter. I get it Billy (name changed to protect the . . . not so innocent), you screwed up, someone got you in trouble, and you're mad. I'd be upset too. But dwelling on it constantly like this? I mean geez.

Every now and then we'll have the same day off, but he tells me happily that he plans on doing absolutely nothing or staying in bed all day. I haven't exactly gone out of my way to ask him out someplace because in all honesty, I don't want him to think I'm asking him out romantically, because I think it'd spook him at the moment, and I don't want things to be awkward. I really would like to get him out of his bed/funk and show him he can have some fun for a change. But I have no idea how. I mentioned on Sunday I was going downtown to the lake for the annual fireworks, but again, he said he planned on going home and doing nothing.

HOW do I get him out and about without seeming like I'm coming onto him? He's already got at least two female coworkers who regularly hit on him or grab him on his way into the men's room and introduce him to their friends as their 'future husband', and I don't want to turn into one of those.

[Exaspera]

Just a little hint-don't mess with alcoholics. Wait until they reach their own "rock bottoms" and decide to get help. Otherwise, you'll be stuck with lying, cheating egomaniacs who hate themselves. Really, this and drugs are real dealbreakers.

Gee, how do I know all of this?

[blas87]

And also bear in mind that rock bottom isn't always just one DUI or one arrest. I fear my bf isn't going to really think about how bad his problem really is until he either ends up in the hospital with alcohol poisoning or gets in a serious car accident. (He does not drive after drinking anymore, but he's still dumb enough to let a drunk friend drive if I'm not around).

Hell, he has a friend who drove drunk with another friend, the car crashed and exploded, the other friend died, the friend driving got 4 years in prison, he's out now, and he whines and complains about being on parole!

It's a disease. A bad disease.

I read on another site, alcoholics and drug addicts are not capable of having normal, healthy relationships. They care too much for their addiction to care for another person.