Bitter, angry women

[jackfaire]

As a woman I say if you're having trouble with your man then you are to blame. You picked him. If you're letting him walk all over you then grow a spine.

Thank you. Whenever I say that I get told I am being a sexist ass. Even though I have heard the friends that call me a sexist ass say that about guys.

[evillebee]

I'm reminded of the conversation my mother and I had. She was going on and on and onnnnn bashing my father (her ex) and when she made one too many disparaging remarks about how I was like him, I turned to her and said that she chose him and that I did not have any choice in the matter. Shut her up quick and she never again bashed him to me because she knew I was sick of listening to it and would call her out on it from that point forward.

[Skelly]

As a woman I say if you're having trouble with your man then you are to blame. You picked him. If you're letting him walk all over you then grow a spine.

Reminds me of something I overheard on the bus last week. Two girls, maybe 18-19 years old discussing things. One of them was apparently going back to her old boyfriend, despite him having beaten and abused her emotionally, because, as she said: "He doesn't have anyone else in his life". No shit darling, there's probably a good reason for this.
I wonder if she was born with a victim mentality or if she decided to develop one. I have little sympathy for idiots. I should've said it do her, but I'm too polite to admit that I'm listening to other people's conversations. She'll likely end up a statistic in some way. I don't care really. She admitted that he was an asshole, and yet decided to let him back into her life.

[jackfaire]

What's really bad is if you mention an individual woman is an idiot for staying in an abusive situation then suddenly all of your female friends, that called you an idiot for staying in an abusive situation, suddenly defend the other idiot because she is female.

[Skelly]

What's really bad is if you mention an individual woman is an idiot for staying in an abusive situation then suddenly all of your female friends, that called you an idiot for staying in an abusive situation, suddenly defend the other idiot because she is female.

I've never experienced this myself, but I belive you.

[Rebel]

Reminds me of something I overheard on the bus last week. Two girls, maybe 18-19 years old discussing things. One of them was apparently going back to her old boyfriend, despite him having beaten and abused her emotionally, because, as she said: "He doesn't have anyone else in his life". No shit darling, there's probably a good reason for this.
I wonder if she was born with a victim mentality or if she decided to develop one. I have little sympathy for idiots. I should've said it do her, but I'm too polite to admit that I'm listening to other people's conversations. She'll likely end up a statistic in some way. I don't care really. She admitted that he was an asshole, and yet decided to let him back into her life.

My sister is like this. She didn't always used to though, she used to be an awesome person who had fun dating. Later, for some reason, she decided that she needed to grow up and could only date in a serious way. For her, this seemed to be with guys that were older than her and that treated her badly (psychological abuse). We would tell her that she deserved better, but she would always go back to them because they "needed her". Now she's trying to blame the way she was raised on how she approaches men. Um, no! Everyone else in my family has this little thing called self respect, you did this to yourself!

[Skelly]

My sister is like this. She didn't always used to though, she used to be an awesome person who had fun dating. Later, for some reason, she decided that she needed to grow up and could only date in a serious way. For her, this seemed to be with guys that were older than her and that treated her badly (psychological abuse). We would tell her that she deserved better, but she would always go back to them because they "needed her". Now she's trying to blame the way she was raised on how she approaches men. Um, no! Everyone else in my family has this little thing called self respect, you did this to yourself!

Ok, so obviously not a born victim. Then why the hell would you choose to become one? (rhetorical question)

[Rebel]

Ok, so obviously not a born victim. Then why the hell would you choose to become one? (rhetorical question)

I'd say, at least in my sisters case, that her first 'real' boyfriend treated her like she was older and more mature than she really was. The abuse didn't start for a few months into it. She might have developed a skewed idea that this is how an adult relationship goes, and that the reason it eventually broke down was because of her (which was in turn my dads and brothers fault for some reason). That and I blame her therapist.

Fact is, she allowed herself into the situation, and now she's trying to blame everyone else but herself. Like Red Panda said, she's letting the guys do this to her, no-one is forcing her to stay with him.

Hmm...kinda answered the rhetorical question, but only for this case. Who knows why other girls do it. An emotional need maybe?

[jedimaster91]

Who knows why other girls do it. An emotional need maybe?

You may be onto something here. I'm making a gross generalization here, but women have this fundamental need to feel needed and skeezy men take advantage of it.

And I will admit to being attracted to bad boys. I think most women are on some level and it gets us in trouble.

[Skelly]

I'd say, at least in my sisters case, that her first 'real' boyfriend treated her like she was older and more mature than she really was. The abuse didn't start for a few months into it. She might have developed a skewed idea that this is how an adult relationship goes, and that the reason it eventually broke down was because of her (which was in turn my dads and brothers fault for some reason). That and I blame her therapist.

Fact is, she allowed herself into the situation, and now she's trying to blame everyone else but herself. Like Red Panda said, she's letting the guys do this to her, no-one is forcing her to stay with him.

Hmm...kinda answered the rhetorical question, but only for this case. Who knows why other girls do it. An emotional need maybe?

Could be the old "trying to fix him".

[AdminAssistant]

I stayed in a psychologically abusive relationship for a year and a half, so maybe I can shed some light. At first, everything is peaches and roses. He was sugary sweet and life was wonderful. Then, he wants you to spend more time with him. Okay, that's not unreasonable. Then, he gets you to start doubting family and friends, slowly. Over time, he will isolate you from friends, get you to hate your family, and convince you that no other man would give you the time of day. I honestly thought that being treated like dirt (yelled at, cussed at, date raped) was better than being single. Although I did leave him, the effects were long lasting. The rest of my dating life was a series of screw-ups, hookups, and friends with benefits (worst idea EVER). Until I met my current SO, who is just...amazing.

It was his manipulation that got me to stay, not necessarily my weakness. Don't blame the victim, blame the aggressor.

[Red Panda]

Unless there is a seriouse threat of violence blame lies with both parties. He treated you wrong but you could have left at any time if you didn't fear being single.

[KnitShoni]

I would think date rape would count as a serious threat of violence, myself.

[Greenday]

I would think date rape would count as a serious threat of violence, myself.

I'm pretty sure it isn't a threat. It is violence.

As far as I know, a person may stay in an abusive relationship for a multitude of reasons. Nowhere else to go, fear of what might happen if they try to leave, etc.

[Red Panda]

I would think date rape would count as a serious threat of violence, myself.

But the threat of "If you leave me I will date rape you" is hard to follow up with.