People Who Act Totally Insecure But Then Blow YOU Off

[Sableonblonde]

Friday night I met up with a friend of mine, Paul, for dinner. He ended up bringing this other friend of his, who I've met a few times over the past year or so. I was attracted to him that first time I ever saw him, but we never really talked much as he seems kind of shy and I'm not the most outgoing gal myself.

Well, on Friday my friend left after we all ate since he's an early riser. So then me and his friend ended up staying and hanging out together all night, which I was SO psyched about. Even though he is really quiet and shy and we didn't talk very much, we were playing games and such and I felt like something was growing between us.

I ended up going back to his house, and after watching TV for awhile, we began fooling around. (I didn't plan on being intimate, so I figured I'd wait to see if he made a move and he eventually did). We didn't have sex though, since neither of us had a condom. But he kept asking me if I would come back over some other time, and I kept saying I would. Like, he must have asked ten times. So before I left I asked for his number and he gave it to me, and made me promise to call, saying he was going to trust me to call since I had his number and he didn't have mine.

So after all that, I call him the next day - and he doesn't answer. Normally I would have left it at that, but I have a problem - I took my rings off at his house and ended up forgetting and leaving them there. I feel naked without all of my rings, plus most of them were gifts and have a lot of sentimental value, so I freaking would like them back. So I called him three more times over the course of the day and he never answered. Plus he doesn't have a voicemail or answering machine so I couldn't even leave a message.

WHAT THE HELL. I mean, it's one thing if you go home with someone and there is the understanding that it's going to be a one night stand. You can just walk away and life goes on. But why would someone keep asking you to see them again, and act so insecure and seem so desperate and keep making you reassure them that you want to see them again and then flippin' BLOW YOU OFF?!?! I can't wrap my head around it.

[the_std]

I understand your panic at getting your rings back, but someone not answering their phone for one day doesn't really constitute blowing you off. Life happens, maybe his phone died, maybe he ended up having to go out all day... Now, if this happened over the course of a week, I'd agree that he was blowing you off, but one day really shouldn't be enough to be called blowing off. Don't write him off yet, give him a chance to get back to you.

[Sableonblonde]

Thank you for your reply - you have a good point. Yet, I have to admit I don't quite get it. I never take that long to get back to a person (unless I don't want to get back to them). Especially if I like someone I am not going to put them off. At one point when I called his line was busy (I assume that means he was on it) so I tried ten minutes later, and it rang this time but no answer.

Maybe he just had a big change of heart...maybe he was really drunk and regrets the whole thing. (We were both drinking but I really don't know how drunk he was). I hate not being able to read minds.

[Plaidman]

You could just go to his house.

[Sableonblonde]

I know, Plaidman, and I have considered doing just that (especially because I can practically see his house from mine) but I'm really afraid to. I guess I am kind of embarrassed. If he is purposefully ignoring me then the last thing I want to do is have to go knocking on his door and see him. That would be so uncomfortable.

[the_std]

But it would get you your rings back (your main reason for needing him to get back to you today, is it not?) and it would also give you some kind of answer. It just might not be the answer you want.

[Sableonblonde]

At the point I'm at right now, I don't even care if I don't get my rings back - I just don't want to try contacting him again.

I'm not looking for an answer, though - the way I see it, if he doesn't want to see me anymore than I don't need to have an explaination. It's fine. What makes me upset about it is that it was HIM who kept bringing up seeing me again, and HIM who wanted to be sure I would call him. I felt a little bad for him, seeming so insecure, and I was eager to reassure him that I do like him, but then it turns out he drops me. It's just that it was unexpected, and I don't understand the sudden switch.

[Peppergirl]

I know this seems a little childish, and I'll probably get flamed for it, but have you considered telling your friend Paul to get in touch with him and see about getting your rings back?

Unless it would be uncomfortable for Paul to know.

Does he have text on his phone? Maybe you could text and tell him you need your rings?

Just a thought.

[Sableonblonde]

I did try texting, but got an error message and found out that it is a landline phone, not a cell phone.

I did think about asking my friend, but then I really don't want to bring him into this. He had no idea I was even attracted to his friend...and I like to keep my personal business to myself.

[Greenday]

I'd give him a couple days/not call as much. Usually if I get a number I'll wait a day or two before I think about calling. That's all it might be. He probably didn't expect a phone call so quick.

But considering you left stuff there, even if he was no longer interested, having you show up to pick it up wouldn't be a big deal for him so don't worry about it bothering him one way or another.

[MaggieTheCat]

I agree that you should give it a day or three and try calling back, or try calling at different times each day. He may have been at work most of the day. The time you called and got a busy signal and then called back and no answer, may have been that he was being called in to work, or a friend called and needed help with something, or he had to go out for some other reason. Heck, maybe he was in the bathroom and didn't get to the phone in time.

And really, I don't see why you think he's purposely blowing you off after one day of not talking to him. If he has a land line and no answering machine, it's entirely possible he doesn't have caller ID and doesn't know you're calling. Even if he does have caller ID, he doesn't know your number so he still may not know that it's you calling.

[Sableonblonde]

Not to be arguementative (because I REALLY appreciate all of the responses) but as far as him not answering because he doesn't know my number - well, he knows I have his number but he doesn't have mine, so how else would he know I was calling unless he answers an unfamilliar number? I never answer numbers that I don't know, BUT if I'd given my number out then I would answer all calls just in case.

Normally I would not have called someone so soon, but I did it only BECAUSE he seemed so worried that I wouldn't. I figured if he was anxious about me calling then I didn't want to make him wait around wondering whether I would or not.

[Plaidman]

Sableonblonde: Take it from a guy who is that guy your calling. (I'm not him, but I been in his shoes. Alot).


He may not be answering because he had to work, other chores, etc etc.

Or he may generally be afraid to answer it. Remember, you were both alittle drunk by your own admission, so his thought process is (and I've experenced it) she only said she liked me and made out with me becasue she was drunk. Now's she calling to tell me I'm scum and never wants to see me again. I do not want that heart ache again. If I ignore, she'll go away, and I'll be safe from the pain that women can cause.



Your best bet? To go to his house, and talk to him. I don't know if you are considering dating him, and if you are, it will be rough. Trust me. He won't trust you for a while. He may not ever belive that you generally like him due to how ever many years of rejection he had. In a ficitional sense, years down the lane, you are at your wedding night with him, your the happiest you ever been and he is your perfect match, he might still, geniually belive that you are just pulling his leg and teasing him about pretending to like him.

It's not a unknown prank. People do it, and after being the reciving end a few times, it just fucking hurts to the point you just don't want to try anymore unless there is a slim chance of hope which you rarely see.


Just try talking to him, in person.

[Sableonblonde]

Plaidman - maybe I am hopelessly naive, but why would someone pretend to like a person, as a prank? What kind of person would do something like that?

[Plaidman]

Why? Well in my experence and what I've been told from by the people that did it to me or others I know.


1: It was funny.

2: I did it to get your confidence up so you'd go away.

3: I was paid to do it

4: I wanted to get more popular and it was a way to do it

5: I wanted revenge on my boyfriend for cheating on me, and if he found out I was dating you, he'd go balliastic that I'd go to you of all people

6: Nothing better to do

7: Just wanted to feel better about myself for a few minutes. (The attention she and/or he would get from a person desperate for that kind of attention)

8: You had money and I wanted you to buy stuff.


There are much more, but the above were reasons I was given from the people that did it to me from the ones I demanded to know why before I eventally just gave up trying.


The first one was my most common. The second one was just once, but it did hurt damn near the most. Glad I figured it out pretty quickly before I spent much money on her.