I Hate Overuse of "Retarded" on CS!

[Saydrah]

I signed up over here on the advice of Broomjockey mainly so I could say this.

Will everyone PLEASE stop using retarded as a synonym for:

Sucky
Stupid
Dumb
Lame
Rude
Entitled
Bad Driver
Nitwit
Addled Adolescent
Lousy
Having No Manners
Shitty
Piss-Poor
Drunk
On Drugs
Aggressive
Inept
Incompetent
Freaky
Scary
Weird
Crazy


Approximately one in seven people has a disability. Many of those are cognitive/developmental/learning disabilities. At one time, most of those were lumped under the label "mental retardation." Chances are, whatever you post, someone will read it who has a label that, 50 years ago, would have been the catch-all, "retarded."

Having a disability that affects the mind does not make someone stupid. In fact, many such disabilities hide true intelligence. When children with Autism are given IQ tests that assign high value to verbal skills and other skills generally not the top of the list when Autism is involved, they score lower than neurotypical children; however, when the IQ test is modified so as to measure the same capabilities without requiring the verbalization or eye contact the standard IQ test does, the average score of a child with Autism is HIGHER than the average for neurotypical children.

It was not so long ago that it was at least marginally socially acceptable to call someone, "Niggardly," if he was cheap. Would any of us dream of doing that now? Of course not! What a horrifically racist term! What about saying, "I had a customer who was being a real Jew last night- he counted out his change down to the last penny before he would leave." Is that acceptable? OF COURSE NOT!

So why on Earth is it that I still see at least one thread a day where someone described a customer who acts stupidly as, "retarded?"

If your customer has a disability, say so, and cut them some slack.

If not, call it like it is- STUPID.

[Boozy]

The word "retarded" has become largely decontextualized.

You have done a good job pointing out all the other things it has come to mean. For me, this makes the word non-offensive. English is a living language, and these things happen.

The meaning of the word has now been stretched to mean almost anything disagreeable. For example, I've heard teenagers say things like "I hate these shoes because they're really uncomfortable. They're so retarded." The word doesn't even mean stupid when used in this context.

I admit to using the word "retarded" to refer to stupidity or general silliness. I don't use it to mean a mental handicap. I also don't use it on forums or in public, because I understand that for some people, the word still carries with it negative connotations.

When I use it around my husband or close friends, they understand that my intent is not cruel. I am using the decontextualized version of the word, as it were, and its no big deal for us.

[Pedersen]

Here's another one where the word has been taken and mangled: Hacker.

From wikipedia: In computing, a hacker is a person who delights in having an intimate understanding of the internal workings of a system, computers and computer networks in particular, as defined by Request for Comments (RFC) 1392 [1]. More specifically, there are several different hacker subcultures:

Also from wikipedia: Nowadays, mainstream usage mostly refers to computer criminals, due to the mass media usage of the word since the 1980s. Unlike the definition in the RFC given above, this includes script kiddies, people breaking into computers using programs written by others, with very little knowledge about the way they work. Free software hackers consider this usage incorrect, and refer to security breakers as crackers.

Basically, hacker was a title of prestige that was given to people highly skilled with computers. Now it's an insult.

[Saydrah]

The word "retarded" has become largely decontextualized.

[snip]

I admit to using the word "retarded" to refer to stupidity or general silliness. I don't use it to mean a mental handicap. I also don't use it on forums or in public, because I understand that for some people, the word still carries with it negative connotations.

When I use it around my husband or close friends, they understand that my intent is not cruel. I am using the decontextualized version of the word, as it were, and its no big deal for us.

The thing is, the "no big deal" label gets slapped on THIS offensive term. It's decontextualized. It means stupid now, not having a cognitive/learning/developmental disability. Sure, that's all well and good, but does it still sound as inoffensive if you switch minorities?

"I admit to using the word 'gay' to refer to stupidity or general silliness. I don't use it to mean homosexual."

Okay, we hear that one all the time- it upsets me, because the use of "gay" to mean "bad" stopped my best friend from coming out for a long time. But it's pretty common, not the most offensive thing in the world, right?

How about:

"I admit to using the word 'nigger' to mean stupid or silly. I don't use it to mean Black."

I cringe just typing that word- that's how much it's drilled into our heads that we aren't supposed to say it. It's even word-filtered out of many forums, so I'm not sure until I post this if it'll even show up.

How many Americans are part of the minority that term describes?

Approximately 13%.

How many Americans have one or more disabilities?

Approximately 14.2%.

I mean, if you use both those other words casually, I can't exactly accuse you of hypocrisy- but if you don't call stupid people n-words and stupid things gay, then why is it okay to say something that's been used to label, degrade, and justify violence against this particular minority, but not others?

[Boozy]

The "N word" has not been decontextualized, and therefore is a whole other ball of wax.

[Greenday]

The "N word" has not been decontextualized, and therefore is a whole other ball of wax.

It hasn't for white people, but apparently there's nothing wrong with black people saying it. They've decontextualized it for themselves.

[Seshat]

I think you're fighting a losing battle on this one, Saydrah. I do agree that it shouldn't have become a general-use term for stupid. I believe that 'moron', 'idiot' and 'cretin' shouldn't be general-use terms for stupid, either.

There are people living today who have had the terms 'retarded', 'idiot', 'moron' and 'cretin' used as the medical definition for themselves or their close family.

While many of those people don't understand mockery, many of them do, and almost all of their parents, siblings, cousins and other relatives do. And have had to live with seeing their disabled relative mocked, and felt the pain of the casual misuse of the terms that define their relative.

To spare those people, I would have preferred to see 'retard' kept as a term synonymous with delay. Cretin, idiot and moron could have simply faded out of the language and become anachronisms.

Unfortunately, that hasn't happened. Instead, John Citizen, ordinary person without any mentally/intellectually disabled relatives, has the words in his common-use vocabulary as synonyms for 'stupid'. And he uses them in complete ignorance of the pain he is causing.

I think it's a case of choosing our battles. I think it's more important to work for John Citizen seeing my mentally disabled family and friends as ordinary people who happen to have a medical condition - as being equivalent to Norm Neurotypical over there with the funny leg.

However, none of my relatives have the particular type of mental illness which would have sensitised me to those words. If the misuse of those words is that important to you, go ahead and fight that battle.

[Saydrah]

Thing is, John Citizen probably DOES have friends and relatives with developmental delays or other disabilities that affect the mind.

They're probably just not telling him because he's always using "retarded," to refer to stupidity, so they don't feel comfortable sharing that information with him.

Something that shocked me the other day was a friend of mine saying, "It's okay to say _______ (insert derogatory term here) as long as none of them are around to hear it." Really? So only people who are part of a particular oppressed group are allowed to get upset about using a derogatory term?

It shows an absolute lack of intelligence and originality to use terms like "retarded" and "gay" to describe stupidity, when there are so many other more interesting words in the English language- ones that were made up TO describe stupidity, not words that describe a group of people negatively.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I will say that personally, it doesn't bother me at all. I could be given that label, plus the label of "nuts" "freak" "weirdo" and "loony" cuz of the way I dress and also cuz I have suffered from mental illness (depression) in the past. In my opinion, words only have the power to offend if we give them that power. Making a huge fuss just hands that power to the person using the term; treating it like it's no big deal means that power is lost, and the person using it isn't getting the reaction. Some people use words like "retard" to get a reaction; not getting one might well mean they don't use it. Anyway, that's my take.

[Saydrah]

I've used that argument, too, and at one point I believed it.

But I don't believe that any more because we are verbal creatures. We communicate verbally, and through the subtext attached to our verbal communication. Words that have been used to denigrate people and justify violence don't fundamentally change, and if it's harming one or two people to use it, and it won't harm any people to stop using it, the ethical choice is to stop using the word.

[Boozy]

John Citizen, ordinary person without any mentally/intellectually disabled relatives...

Its wrong to assume that no one with a mentally disabled relative would use the word "retarded".

Just as most people can differentiate between the meanings of "cricket the sport" and "cricket the insect" depending on the context of the conversation, I can easily differentiate between "retarded" meaning silly and "retarded" being used as a horrible insult. We all do this every day with thousands of words.

Rarely do I fret about etymology in my daily conversations. Frankly, those of us who deal with mental disabilities in the family day in and day out have bigger things to worry about.

[Seshat]

Its wrong to assume that no one with a mentally disabled relative would use the word "retarded".
<snip>
Frankly, those of us who deal with mental disabilities in the family day in and day out have bigger things to worry about.

I meant to imply that those with no mentally challenged relatives would be the least likely to see a need for the change.

However, I agree with you on the second point of the two I quoted. My immediate family consists of one with major physical disability, one with major mental disability, and one with a rare cardiac condition that causes occasional syncope attacks with seizures. Mostly, we're just too busy living to deal with how others perceive us.

[BroomJockey]

Stupid - someone slow to understand
Dumb - someone who is unable to speak
Lame - someone who is disabled so that movement, especially walking, is difficult or impossible

In your list, I managed, without trying, to find 3 words whose meaning has been changed through constant usage from what they were to weak insults.

I find more than a few flaws in your reasoning, first of which the words I listed prove "retarded" to be your pet cause. You say "1 in 7", but that's for all disabilities you also say. Retarded only covers people with mental. Seperate physical disabilities and what does that number drop to? The term applies to only part of the group you claim to be protecting from slander.

Why do you imply that saying "lame" is okay, and "dumb" is okay, by saying "don't associate retarded with these words," but both are defined as relating disabilities?

Why do you choose THIS word, but NOT those? Why should we take THIS seriously, but not THOSE? I find it hypocritcal at best to pick out retarded, as demeaning to disabled people, but not others.

In fact, retarded has a definition completely untied to mental disabilities, which means to slow or hinder. So with a small change, a person can still use the word. "Damn it, you're being a retard, making it take forever!" What if that's the meaning I mean, and not the insult OR the mental disability connotation?

My mother worked at a school for severely mentally handicapped children. She also would run a day home to watch one or two when their parents needed some time away. My best friend growing up had a brother with downs syndrome. I know the terms in general use, and that community has discarded the term "retarded" for the largest part. Why can't the general populace take it and do with it as they will? It's not like the average person is saying "Damn man, you're such a damned idiot, you need to go wear a hockey helmet and drool on yourself in the corner" when they use the word retarded. You MIGHT have a point to me if that was the case. Instead, they're talking about a bone-headed, but not critically-so, action. I'd think that would be an improvement over some of the terms used not so long ago.

[Saydrah]

You're assuming a little- a lot- too much. I didn't say I think ALL of those words are okay. Personally, I think a thesaurus would do 99% of posters on CS some good, and I tend to use "sucky" or "rude" in my own posts (and synonyms for rude) much more than I use stupid. I don't say "lame" because it doesn't make sense to me as a horse person- lame is a horse that's not sound. I don't say "dumb" often, mainly because I volunteer for an organization with "dumb" in the name (an animal shelter) in a way that refers to inability to speak. I listed those words not as acceptable alternatives, but as UNACCEPTABLE ways to use the word retarded.

If the r-word is so decontextualized, why is the ARC- one of the largest charities in America, which operates my favorite thrift store- an acronym for American Retarded Citizens? Why is it okay for kids to giggle at their trucks because they think it's a charity for people who do stupid things? And yes, I do use stupid, because nobody's come up with a better catch-all term for "just plain stupid, intrinsically not intelligent, not due to any disability or condition," and stupid has NOT been used as a medical term for much longer than the others mentioned. Why is it okay for kids NOT to know that retarded was once a word for people with certain disabilities, that some charities still use it, and that saying it or laughing at it hurts feelings?

If the r-word is so decontextualized, why did a woman sidle up to me the second to last day at my old job and ask for help finding a scratching post for her "retarded adult son's sweet little cat?" She used it as a medical term, unabashedly so, and she gave me a glare only a very small woman defending her family can give, practically daring me to giggle or to scold her for the use of a medical term that likely was her son's original diagnosis a couple of decades ago.

I respect the right of any community to define itself. Maybe in 50 years, retarded WILL be a decontextualized term. But is "colored" an acceptable synonym for "idiot" now, because it hasn't been used to describe black people in a while? Remember, the C in NAACP still stands for colored- like the R in ARC still stands for retarded. I don't think it's okay to use that word casually. Perhaps in small gatherings of friends who agree on the decontextualization, though I find it personally distasteful and tend to avoid people who use that word, along with people who use "gay" as a synonym for "bad." But on a public forum with this many members? Not okay yet. Not okay with me. And, surely, not okay with many of the members who aren't here on Fratching raising a fuss because they're just not fuss-raisers.

Well, I am. I don't listen to people use what I consider to still be a form of hate speech and not say anything.

If I saw at least one post every couple of days using the word "faggot" or "nigger" in any other way than when quoting a customer, I'd say something. It's not the only word I object to. It's not my pet cause- I'd wager on any other of the several forums I can be found on, the subject has never come up. Disability rights IS one of my pet causes but, again, many people who know me don't know that, because I rarely need to bring it up in casual conversation.

The fact is, on Customers Suck! specifically, "retarded" is a grossly overused word, and that usage is inappropriate in that setting. I personally feel it's inappropriate in any setting, but I'm not going to break down your door, come into your living room, and tell you to stop. On a public forum where I'm a member, though, I AM going to come into your "living room" so to speak and tell you that the use of "retarded" as a synonym for stupid shows a lack of education, it shows disrespect for those still living who were abused with the label of "retarded" as a justification, it shows a poor vocabulary, and it bothers me on a personal level.

There you have it.

[BroomJockey]

You're assuming a little- a lot- too much. I didn't say I think ALL of those words are okay. Personally, I think a thesaurus would do 99% of posters on CS some good, and I tend to use "sucky" or "rude" in my own posts (and synonyms for rude) much more than I use stupid.

No, not there we have it. You failed to address any point in my post. Why RETARDED and not the others? Why are you using the statistics of every single person to "deviate from normal" to back you up, rather than the ones merely relating to what you're saying? You use "disabled" and "black", but "disabled" and "non-white" would be closer analogies, statistically (not that I'm saying white is normal, but we're talking comparing spectrums with spectrums here, not a spectrum with a single group).

You don't use the word retarded, fine. But by saying ways that you felt people were using it, and including lame and dumb, you were tacitly endorcing the replacement of retarded with those words.

Again, I ask you, why should we take your personal crusade against this one word seriously, when you don't have a problem with people using other words referring to the group of disabled people? You're free to hate the word all you want, but I'm also free to call your quest retarded, as politically correct speech does more to hinder the fixing of problems than it helps, since it only confuses the issue. You're coming off as the person who decries the use of ni**** (a word you've been more than happy to spell out, but have switch to "r-word" which you say is just as bad. Obviously it's worse, if you're willing to spell ni**** out, but not retarded), but then turns around and say "Damn spa***, lazy por**mon***s"