People Who Can't Take Jokes

[Greenday]

My girlfriend and I are currently fighting because she thinks no joke should ever involve race/sex/religion/hair color/nationality/etc. I personally disagree. As long as a person is making a joke in an attempt to be funny, I don't really care about the subject. If it's something that bothers me enough, I'll say something about it. Sometimes I'll let a joke go, as, after all, it was made as an attempt to bring humor into our bleak existences. But if someone cracks joke after joke about the same group/what have you, I'll say something.

But this is something that bothers me. If you don't like a certain type of joke at all, and one of your friends/SO makes one, just say you don't enjoy hearing jokes about that. There now, that wasn't so freaking hard, was it? Maybe I'm just too damn logical. Not everyone is perfect. I don't expect every joke to be an amazing one. I guess just forgiving someone for a crappy joke is a horrible thing?

[Sylvia727]

Coming from the other side of this issue, I have racist/sexist/bigoted relatives. They adore telling these kinds of jokes. At first I responded maturely, either with a "wtf?" look or by politely requesting them to stop. But then it became a game: "Who can disgust Sylvia the most?" So now I tend to rant whenever I hear an offensive joke. It's a bit rude of me, I know, but the bigot is the greater problem.

[Boozy]

But then it became a game: "Who can disgust Sylvia the most?"

That's horribly rude. The joke has become making someone feel uncomfortable and unwelcome. Once you said you were offended, they should have shut the hell up.

Personally, I like certain kinds of risque jokes. Family Guy, for example, usually has me in stitches.

I agree with Greenday - just speak up and say you don't find it funny. Until then, I'm not going to censor everything I say on the off chance I'll offend.

[Sylvia727]

Well, there's a difference between not finding it funny and being offended by it. My problem is that I now over-react to the notfunny jokes, treating them as offensive jokes. Maybe the girlfriend has this problem too. I tend to cut slack with people who get offended easily, because I assume they're reacting to me as they would to a genuinely hateful person.

A lot of Family Guy's humor comes from a tiny grain of truth. In one episode, Joe shows the guys around his new police van. The white guys each step into the robocop's circle and get politely handcuffed. The black guy steps into the circle, and an alarm goes off: "Minority suspect!" Robocop starts beating him. I was cracking up the entire time, but this joke is based on police bias, which is a real problem in many areas.

Terry Prattchet had a quote in one of his Discworld books, "Some crimes solved themselves, like finding a person of the right species within 10 miles without an alibi." I laugh because on the surface it's ridiculous. But buried beneath that is the implication that this does happen sometimes.

[blas87]

Some people would say I can't take a joke. I'm not one to get offended or hurt easily, it's just that I hate having jokes played on me/told to me that are about me, speculated about me...stuff that annoys me. For instance, at work. I hate jokes about me being worthless or training people wrong.

[Lace Neil Singer]

I tell all sorts of jokes, about everyone; I don't see the point in being offended, it's just a joke. My solution is to top a joke with a better one; for example, a guy who was telling blonde jokes one day soon was defeated by my endless repetoire of better, funnier blonde jokes.

I agree with what Greenday said; if you don't like certain jokes, just say so calmly. don't start screeching and kicking up a fuss; if you do, that'll just encourage certain people to do it even more.

To me, a joke's a joke, end of.

[Seshat]

I sometimes have problems with jokes. The first case is when I simply don't recognise that it's supposed to be a joke: that's my own fault, and I try to deal with it myself. I apologise when I realise it's happened.

Another time I have a problem with a joke is when it's intended to be divisive. Sometimes a joke is said with the specific purpose of offending people who are 'not in the group' or 'not like us'. Sylvia727's relatives did that to her.

The last type of 'joke' I have a problem with is the type where it isn't really a joke at all. Someone says something intended to offend, and when the target turns on them, says 'can't you take a joke?'

That last type has happened to me often enough to (a) make my inability to identify jokes worse, and (b) make me overreact to the phrase 'take a joke'.

[Gawdzillers]

I used to do that, even on CS (Ree remembers me quite fondly, I'm sure), but now I just shut up.

[Greenday]

Another time I have a problem with a joke is when it's intended to be divisive. Sometimes a joke is said with the specific purpose of offending people who are 'not in the group' or 'not like us'. Sylvia727's relatives did that to her.

The last type of 'joke' I have a problem with is the type where it isn't really a joke at all. Someone says something intended to offend, and when the target turns on them, says 'can't you take a joke?'

I don't even consider that joking. Joking is meant to be funny. That just sure as hell isn't funny.

[Seshat]

Mmhmmm. But I may have Aspergers - I certainly have difficulty reading peoples' intent. So sometimes I have difficulty distinguishing things which are intended to be funny but happen to be hurtful, from things which are intended to be hurtful. It certainly doesn't help when the reaction to hurt is identical in both situations: the old 'can't you take a joke?'

Over time I've learned to use other cues to distinguish 'meant to be funny' from 'meant to be hurtful', but I didn't have the skill to do that during my childhood and young adulthood - and 'meant to be hurtful' is incredibly common on the playground.

Even worse, on the playground if you say something like 'I don't like jokes about X', the kids make a point of deluging you with them. So the child/teenager learns not to react the exact way you recommend - it just doesn't work. Unlearning that lesson as an adult takes time, and only happens if the calm response is actually effective: which even among adults, it often isn't.

So yeah, I've ended up being one of those people who can't take a joke. I try to remember to make the calm request as my first response - but the usual reaction I get to that sort of request is a demand to justify it or an assertion that it's okay to make jokes about "those people" because "they don't mind".

I thought you might like one explanation of why some people react in the way you find so difficult to accept.

[crazylegs]

Mmhmmm. But I may have Aspergers - I certainly have difficulty reading peoples' intent.

As do I (I have dyspraxia) There are plenty of people who I cannot tell if they are joking or not, and I tend to dislike them as I feel they are constantly being negative towards me, however those who I gravtate towards have very articulate faces and are much easier to 'read'.

[ArenaBoy]

Thick skin. Enough said.

[crazylegs]

Thick skin. Enough said.

Maybe, but when you think everyone is having a dig at you for weeks solid (because you can't interpret their humour) even the thickest hide can wear thin.

[Seshat]

And if you keep a thick skin for years on end, it becomes a prison.

[Greenday]

So, I can now say that this thread sums up my beliefs on that Pizza Delivery thread on CS where the OP posed as a cop.