Depression stereotypes/Medication side effects

[Giggle Goose]

Ick. As much as I didn't want to, I decided to talk with my doctor about going back on an antidepressant since the mood swings were getting unbearable and were starting to affect my work and personal relationships. I was weaned off Wellbutrin and Zoloft (generics) back in March, and was doing fine for a while.

So I started on the 50mg of Zoloft yesterday. Part one of my gripe is that I'm an idiot and took my first dose at 4pm in the afternoon. Even when I KNEW the first time I took Zoloft later in the day, I couldn't sleep for shit. So not only did I get 4 hours' sleep last night, but now I have nausea and headaches out the wazoo (and another not-so-pleasant symptom that kids on the playground used to sing about but I will not mention by name ) I know from Hemi's recent thread on sleep that there's some folks that need minimal sleep, but alas, I am not one of them. I'm chugging the coffee this morning, but that's not really helping the headaches/nausea so I gotta stop....hopefully this will only last a few days as my body adjusts. My vision also seems a bit blurry, but that might be because I'm wearing glasses to rest my eyes, and I always see better with contacts. Just thought I'd throw in some more whining while I'm here

The other part of my gripe is certain people's perceptions of what it is to have depression. I was diagnosed withdysthymia at 14. In a nutshell, I have mild depression that can sometimes get out of control when certain events trigger it. Interestingly, my life is the best it's been for a while: I'm eating healthy, exercising regularly, have a good job, I'm going back to school part-time soon, and I have an amazing live-in SO.

"SO WHY ARE YOU DEPRESSED, GG??" Wish I could tell ya. I have been through some extremely tough shit in my life, so I feel a lot of guilt since I know there's many people who probably think I'm a whiny spoiled brat. It makes it that much harder to talk about, so I just get more isolated. My boyfriend also can't seem to understand why I "need to take pills to be happy." He's never been depressed before and just can't seem to understand. He thought I was doing fine without meds, and I was for a while. But it just got to a point where "fake it til you make it" was just NOT working. I can't concentrate at work, I'm anxious all the time, my mood would change for no apparent reason, and going out for social events and having to maintain a bubbly, "can-do" attitude at work DRAINED me emotionally. Which sounds ridiculous, doesn't it???!!! But it is what it is, and I'm sorry if other people think I'm weird or if I need to have some traumatic event in my life happen to "make" me depressed.

I've only told a select few coworkers and friends (including my SO, of course) about my situation, and they all seem to be perplexed and say "Whyyyy?" when I tell them that I had to go to the doctor for meds. Going to see a therapist soon, too.

Just thought I'd vent....having a rough day, sorry for the length!

[Hobbs]

My ex had depression, probably, and I could never really understand it. I mean, I understood her reasons for it (long story short, her dad's a Jerk-Ass) and that what she went through was real, but I could never help her. In fact, I started to get depressed the more I tried to help, and she seemed completely untrusting of professional help (which I urged her to seek). I dunno, I still feel bad that I couldn't help her. In a scathing letter (which I recieved when I got back from training) she ripped me one and said she was happy with someone else. So I guess that's something.

[Plaidman]

Nobody that has depression will ever understand what its like it. It drains you. It makes you feel horrible. To put it in perceptive, it's like someone murdered your entire family, got away with it, is dancing and laughing at you at their funeral while cops shrug and say oh well, then you get fired from your dream job that same day, your house burns down, your pet runs away after biting you because you didn't give it a treat, your bank looses all your money and go oh well, then everyone is laughing at you the entire time as you walk down the street.

That's what I feel like every fucking day.

And I shouldn't. I mean, I have a home. Few friends. A mother and sister and aunt that loves me. But many things about me depress me.

No SO. Yeah. I know you don't /need/ that. But it's fucking nice to be felt loved by someone other then family.

Poor intelligence: Been proving that wrong, but after many years of thinking differently, it's still hard to not think otherwise.

Bad Health: Bad hip, scolosis, several tumors all over and in body, double vision, etc.

Plenty more, but school about to start.

[DrFaroohk]

I feel ya, dog. I've been fighting it my whole life - went on citalopram during the winter, felt great, then I ran out. Just recently got some again, about a week ago. I think it's just starting to kick in a little bit. Usually takes about 2 weeks for me.

The mood swings....oh the damned mood swings. It's like riding a rollercoaster than never ends. Then there's the irritability, snippiness, general sadness, laziness, and everything feels WRONG. Then there's coming out of it briefly, realizing what an ass I've been, and then hating myself for the next few days, until I hit the downslope again and it starts all over.

And then you get stupid judgemental pricks who are like "You think you're sad? Look at that guy - his life sucks worse than yours! So GET OVER IT!"

Yeah, if I could just "Get over it", I wouldn't need medication now would I?

"Yeah, well I get sad too, but I just move on."

That's why you don't need medication. Your brain functions normally and produces all the right chemicals in the right amounts. Mine doesn't. No matter how much I try to "get over it", it'll never work. Call me weak if you will, but I need this little while oval shaped pills to keep my brain functioning normally so that when things go wrong, I can just "Get over it" too.

[Rageaholic]

I believe that despite having more knowlege of depression, people are still ignorant of it. It's easy to point your finger at someone and say "Ah he's depressed because his mother died, and he's depressed because he lost his job and can't support his family". Those are real things people go through that are horrible and can cause emotional termoil. Depression is more inner termoil that can't always be traced to some event.

When I'm depressed, I just can't be happy, and can't get motivated. I can be completely happy one day, down and unmotivated the next. Not much needs to change either, I just start getting down on myself, feeling like I'm not achieving much, blaming myself for everything, and just finding everything uninteresting and hopeless. When I'm at that point, I can easily become my own worst enemy.

That is why I hate, fucking HATE, people who have to judge and look down on me or anyone for it. When I'm feeling like there's no hope, the last thing I need to hear is how much worse other people have it. In other words, how much worse things can get. But oh I'm selfish for thinking like that and should think about other people. Yay! More guilt and burden, just what I need! Instead of actually offering support, they just reinforce what I'm already feeling.

Some people just do not understanding how fucking horrible it is to be depressed. What may seem minor to one person could be the last straw for someone else. If they could just keep their self righteous judgmental comments to themselves and show some fucking compassion, than those who are depressed can at least know they have some support.

[Exaspera]

I should be a poster girl for Efexxor! What a huge difference it has made in my life.

You don't take these medications to make you happy, you take them to BE.

[Plaidman]

I always found it kinda amusing, that people with depression are alot more supportive alot of times with other people with depression. Well, they can be. I know a few people that aren't. One /used/ to be depressed, then got over it with some help, but she didn't feel like helping me and just told me to move on, and the other is my friend who think he is depress, but he isn't.

... I know, you can't tell when people are depressed, but ... it's.. different. I know alot of people with depression, and it feels like, well, he's pretending to be depress to get attention.

[Cassandra]

I don't know how bad the depression is for you, but I found SAM-e to work really well. It's an over the counter that has no side effects. It's a chemical that is made in your brain naturally so it's pretty safe to take.

I have cyclothymia, which is rather mild, but I was getting some wicked mood swings. I mean I would be happy-go-lucky one minute and throwing a ragefest the next, then crying wildly the next. The therapist said that I was not a good candidate for most of the prescriptions out there so she suggested SAM-e.

I have a friend who is clinically depressed and has been on every drug on the market and can't find one that works. I remember when she was on Wellbutrin and how it made her into a zombie. She would be able to function day to day, but she was so quiet and spaced out. When she came off of that one, she sprang to life. She was bubbly, talkative, personable, and had tons of energy. Sometimes it's just experimenting with your doctor and some of the meds that are available in order to find something that works. Unfortunately all prescription meds have side effects, some are truly worse than the affliction they are supposed to help.

[protege]

The mood swings....oh the damned mood swings. It's like riding a rollercoaster than never ends. Then there's the irritability, snippiness, general sadness, laziness, and everything feels WRONG. Then there's coming out of it briefly, realizing what an ass I've been, and then hating myself for the next few days, until I hit the downslope again and it starts all over.

That's *exactly* why I don't want to take pills for depression again. I'm not about to deal with that shit again. I didn't like the mood swings, nor did I like sometimes not remembering things. For example, when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was put on Prozac. Then the trouble started. Sure, I could concentrate better in school...but for other things, it made them worse. How? Well, my then-girlfriend said that I'd punched her. Pretty fucking scary, since I had no memory of that. The only reason I know...was that she told me After that, I had to get off Prozac, and onto something else.

I forget what medication I was on, but it wasn't much better. More mood swings, plus the added bonus of the occasional 'zoning out.' Sorry, but fuck that. No more pills, dammit!

[Hobbs]

Hmm, I was just wondering. Does anyone else think it's interesting at the amount of people on this board that suffer from depression? Sorry, just wondering aloud and thought I'd share.

[Plaidman]

Hmm, I was just wondering. Does anyone else think it's interesting at the amount of people on this board that suffer from depression? Sorry, just wondering aloud and thought I'd share.

Why do you think that?

Life sucks. Pure and simple. You never ever get what you want, and you see plenty of people all around you who mostly just have to take a giant fart, and what you want, comes right out of their ass, which they then show off to you of course, and then toss it the side like it was uttery worthless. As you stare at the broken pieces of your dream as the raw seething arrogance of others who never ever seem to understand their incredible precious gift, you just lose it. You'll never understand others, and they can just so happily tramp all over what you want, shove it in your face "HA HA HA HA! I get to do what you want and you never get it no matter what you do cause you suck and no-one loves you! HA HA HA!"


And then so on and so on, and you try to live it up, and people tell you to just wait and be patient and it will happen. You ask for a date, and they tell you no-one knows when it'll happen. So basically, they just trying to make you feel better when you just want proof of it. Because who want's to waste the time and energy, if it'll never happen. That, and others generally love to see others in misery, so of course they'll say whatever they want to make it so you get to suffer. It's amazing the human race ability to love misery.

[Hobbs]

I just meant, it seems like there's a lot of people on this board that suffer from Depression. I didn't even mean it like that Plaid.

[Giggle Goose]

Maybe because a lot of us came from CS, and a lot of us work/have worked in customer service before, which is plenty to make one depressed? I kid.

In all seriousness, I notice it too, Hobbs. I've noticed a few members here and there over the years mention being depressed, anxious, or on meds. But I thought that might be not be such a bad thing, since there may be a lot of folks here that understand what I'm going through. (That HAS helped, btw...thanks guys )

And maybe it's because there are more depressed people out there than one might think. But we're more apt to share about it on the Internet...I know I am since I don't know anyone here personally. *shrug*

[DrFaroohk]

That's *exactly* why I don't want to take pills for depression again. I'm not about to deal with that shit again. I didn't like the mood swings, nor did I like sometimes not remembering things. For example, when I was first diagnosed with depression, I was put on Prozac. Then the trouble started. Sure, I could concentrate better in school...but for other things, it made them worse. How? Well, my then-girlfriend said that I'd punched her. Pretty fucking scary, since I had no memory of that. The only reason I know...was that she told me After that, I had to get off Prozac, and onto something else.

I forget what medication I was on, but it wasn't much better. More mood swings, plus the added bonus of the occasional 'zoning out.' Sorry, but fuck that. No more pills, dammit!

Actually I meant the mood swings are regular - taking the pills helps stifle them.

[McDreidel09]

No-one ever believes that I have depression because most of the time, I'm pretty bubbly and happy. My depression comes whenever it damn well pleases. For a while, it was dormant, but it's been coming more often. Luckily, I made some friends who have proved that they are really there for me through thick and thin and have been helping me out.

The past two weeks were especially terrible. I didn't feel like doing anything, when normally, I'm always on the go. I hardly saw my friends. That has changed these past few days and now, I'm back to my bubbly self.