Needy Women

[blas87]

My mom and I were out to dinner a few weekends ago, and as we were gossiping about family stuff, I had one of those moments where a blonde totally realizes something and her whole face lights up. Aww it was beautimous.

"Mom, I just realized something.....on both sides of the family....there seems to be a lot of needy women. What the hell is up with that?"

My mom grinned and replied "Do you understand now why I rode your ass so hard while you were growing up? It continues to be an on-going thing, and I wasn't about to raise a daughter who had to depend on a man or be so needy that she couldn't function without having a man around."

A lot of women in my family, both sides as I said before, are just so damn needy, some are emotionally needy, others are just needy because they don't want to have to work or do anything.

I have several cousins/aunts who only marry for money or purposely go after older more well-off men because they can get away without working and getting whatever they want. One of my cousins was with this one guy for a few years, he was the sole inheriter (is that the word?) after his parents were killed, and this guy was loaded. He was your typical overweight dorky looking guy, so it didn't take much for people to realize my cousin was using him. I'm not sure if this guy was just so happy to have someone that he didn't mind being used, or if he was just plain missing a few nuts and bolts. Needless to say, once he bought her her very own salon, shortly after, she dumped him. That was after she'd gotten a car from him as well.

One of my cousins on the other side of the family is 26, and just married a 40 year old. That may not be that big of a deal or a shocker, but would it shock many of you to hear that this guy is very well off? Of course not. This guy has his own business and it's booming, he is set for life.....so of course, this spoiled rotten princess who never had to do anything for herself her entire life went for the jackpot. Every time she posts something on Facebook about being married or in love, I want to laugh, then puke, especially when others "awww" comment back. Yeah, uh huh. You're married and in love with money and the fact that you never have to work or do anything again.

Another one of my cousins (the sister to the first cousin I spoke of) has, for the last 10 years, been on and off with this divorced guy with a kid. He has NEVER made any kind of, even a hint thereof, a real commitment to her. Of course not, this guy has always just wanted a new mom for his kid, because his ex wife is a total waste of skin who has since been lost in the system. My cousin has spent so much time and money on this kid that isn't hers and all this energy on this guy who will most likely never propose to her or do anything for her, but when they are having rough patches, she goes into deep depression and moods that last until it's over because she's so scared of being in her 30s and still not married and without kids, and she cannot be a spinster or live life alone!

Oh, and before anyone gets on me, I am not bashing stay at home moms. When I say my cousins don't want to work or do anything, I mean it. They don't want to do a damn thing but just want to have money. None of them even have kids anyway, so it isn't even part of the equation.

[Greenday]

I know a few people like that. "Hm, let me find someone rich so I won't have to work and I can continue to do whatever I want!" It's disgusting. And I never really figured out why anyone puts up with it.

[muses_nightmare]

Sounds like my father's wife. Her whole family has a reputation for screwing the system. I know people who have personally heard her say, before they got married, that she was looking for a guy with a big paycheque. She's 20 years younger than my father. Her kids get everything, while I was screwed out of the one thing I had ever expected from my father, my school tuition.

She doesn't work, and isn't even educated enough to get anything more than a minimum wage job. (she didn't even finish grade 10). Gee, I wonder what she's with my dad for...

Sorry, sore subject.

[Exaspera]

Maybe the men got what they were looking for, too. It's not all one-sided.

[blas87]

Well of course it isn't all one sided, but I didn't want to get going on a rampage about my thoughts about idiot men who allow themselves to be used by women, or the losers that do it just because they'd rather have that than be alone.

That can be a different topic for a different time.

[Hobbs]

I don't think someone's a loser for not wanting to be alone.

[Giggle Goose]

Hehe...is it any coincidence that I'm watching "Bridezillas" as I happened upon this thread?

[blas87]

A person isn't a loser for not wanting to be alone, they are a loser when they allow themselves to be taken advantage of monetarily by someone. Sure, sometimes the marriage is enough to keep the person, but like with my cousin, once she had her car and salon, poof she was done with that guy.

Guys who are willing to spend all the money they have to keep a girl just so they aren't alone ARE losers.

Can we please get back on to the main point of this thread, or can someone start their own thread?

[Hobbs]

I thought we still were focusing on the main point. And some people have deep-rooted problems that make them want a person to be with them. Not a "loser" in my book, just someone who maybe needs a boost in confidence or a new drive.

[Cassandra]

I have two women in my life that are like that. My sister and a long time good friend. My sister has always felt that she needs to be with a man, weather for emotional or physical reasons. She now has a daughter from this "man" who treated her so badly and is basically a player. I love my niece to death and the fact that doctors told my sister that she wouldn't be able to have kids and now she has this little girl is something wonderful. But it took this guy who is 19 years my sister's senior leaving her and the baby in an empty house they were working on over an hour away from home for her to realize that she does not NEED a man in her life.

My friend is similar in that she feels that she needs to be with a man just because she feels that it's what she's supposed to do. She has been in "relationships" with men from around the world on the net. Thing is, she gets so upset when she finds out that the man is sleeping with someone else. Mind you, she is in NJ and the men are in Ireland, England, South America somewhere, and the like.

I just can't stand watching these two go through guys like I go through underwear just because they feel like they need to have a man. I hate needy women like that because it makes the rest of us look bad.

I went through a bout of neediness when I was in high school I dated a few guys, one after another, then realized that I had so many other things to worry about. Then I went through a really bad break up in college and decided to just be me and stay away from relationships for awhile. A few months later I got serious with a really good friend who is now my husband. I try to tell my sis and friend that they just need to take time and be themselves, but they just don't listen.

As far as the women who end up with older men for their money, it kinda pisses me off. You should be with someone because you love them, you love being with them, you love to talk to them, not for money.

But, hey, to each his/her own right?

[aurelemsrealm]

Sadly, it's not just women who are that way, and money is not the only motivation. I seem to notice a lot of people who are dependent on having someone because they think it's the only way they can be happy. I don't understand it, myself, as I tend to go toward the other extreme of distancing myself from most everyone, especially when feeling down. In fact, my wife often accuses me of being anti-social when I'm having a bad day because I withdraw into my own world.

If being with a special someone truly makes you happy, then that's all well and good. I just don't understand the people who think they have to have someone else in their lives in order to feel complete.

[BigGiant]

Something to consider:

Just because the man is rich and the woman is young and hot doesn't mean the man is automatically being used for his money.

It is many times a two way street. The woman is being used as arm-candy and for sex, and the man is being used for money. Many times it is as simple as that. The moment the guy loses money, or the moment the guy finds better looking arm-candy, the "relationship" (I like to think of it more as a transaction) is over.

I just wanted to voice that since I've seen a few posts saying that "the man was being taken advantage of because of his money".

Also: Sometimes when you have a lot of money, you get used to buying everything, so it doesn't seem so strange to "buy" a wife also.

[Red Panda]

If a woman wants to be taken care of and a guy just wants a lady I say good for them. Nobody is being taken advantage in that situation, they both know what the deal is and thats what they want. I think it would be dumb to not go into a situation that would make you hsppy based on somebody elses idea of what marriage should be.

[tabbyblack13]

If woman think they need a guy to be whole then that is there belief and only they can change it.

That said I think it is a load of bullc***. My mom and dad made sure that I was self sufficient when I became an adult. She grew up in a time period that the woman had to depend on the man in her life. My mom's family was dirt poor because of it and she promised herself that she wouldn't be the same way. She always had at least 1 job until she was laid off over a year ago. She is in her early 60's and she finally found a job a few months ago working for a local hospital with attached assisted living/Alzheimer care center as a dietary aid.

I never want to depend on someone like that. The strange thing is that I have coworkers with 4 year degrees that seem to act like they have to have a guy in there lives to be fulfilled. I would rather be with someone that loved me for me then to be with someone that thinks they have to be for them to be fulfilled.

[Ladeeda]

The main problem with being financially dependent on another person who wants you for youth, looks, and sex is that you get older, looks fade even (especially) with cosmetic surgery, and sex can get boring. Especially if there is no other reason to stay with the person.

If there's nothing else to keep the relationship together, the sweet young thang will get dumped once they are no longer a sweet young thang, or are replaced by a sweeter, younger version.

And that's just not practical.