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MY toys, dammit!

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  • MY toys, dammit!

    I take part in a number of hobbies- cosplay, poi dancing, swordplay, and the like.
    I've got a friend who is something of a wannabe at these things.
    She wants to spin poi, so I made her a set of furry tribble-poi to play with.
    She almost never practices, so her spinning is clumsy at best- flailing, really.

    Sometimes I like to bring glow-poi with me to various nighttime events. For the record, LED-driven glow poi are rather expensive, if you want well made ones with replacable batteries. On average, they can cost between $40-60 for a pair.
    At some of these events, my friend has pretty much insisted on being allowed to play with my poi. I don't like this- one, she is a poor spinner, and I'm worried she will either damage my poi or hit somebody. And two- if I say no, then she will be upset and offended, making me out to be stingy for not sharing.

    This past week, we had Bridgewalk in our city. One of our two suspension bridges gets shut down to traffic, and pedestrians get the run of the entire deck. It's fun, and my friends and I love to go in full cosplay. My friend and I wore our Jedi robes. Now, my friend seems to have misplaced her lightsaber, and could not find it in time.
    I have a really nice pair that I got recently- copper hilts that I wrapped in leather. They're the latest additions to a decent sized saber collection, and I was planning to bring them both (I'm a dual-wielder).
    The night before bridgewalk, my friend asked if she could borrow a saber in case hers didn't turn up. But it was how she asked that got under my skin. "I can just use one of yours, right? After all, you have two!"
    Like I said, this irritated me. I was planning to bring two sabers for a reason, and on top of that, I only recently got them and it was my first time bringing them out for a cosplay. So I wanted to enjoy them. But the manner in which my friend asked annoyed me- it came across as entitlement- "what's yours is mine, and if you refuse, you're selfish".

    Now, I did find another saber for my friend to use- an older plastic-hilted one. I mentioned I do saber-spinning? My friend is NOT good at it at all, yet a few times during bridgewalk, she tried anyway, usually when I was out of sight. She only fessed up later that she had dropped my saber onto the bridge deck several times while playing with it. That pee'd me off. If it's not your toy, then don't use it for practicing tricks you can't do, especially when your practice involves repeated drops onto a hard surface. Luckily my saber's not damaged.

    And now we're probably going to go out again this coming week, being buskerfest and all. I don't know if my friend will cosplay, as it's supposed to be warm. If she does, she's gonna want my sabers again, and this time I may have to tell her no. They're my brand-new toys, and I don't want them dropped or broken. That and I would really like to enjoy them myself.

    Am I being stingy and mean, or does my friend need to get a job and buy her own toys, and quit manhandling mine?
    (She's on assistance, has not worked in years)
    Last edited by Amanita; 08-07-2010, 08:38 PM.

  • #2
    Hun personally I would tell your friend to stop being a mooch.. and explain to her that they are expensive and you really can't afford to replace them easily if they were to suffer an accident. Part of any hobby is to gear yourself. I know that I would feel horrid if I borrowed something that I couldn't afford to replace.

    what is POI? If you dont mind the question

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    • #3
      Poi is a dance form which involves swinging and spinning of balls on cords or chain- it started with the maori people of New Zealand, and they still practice a traditional form of the art, where their dances tell stories.

      However, it has been picked up by others, and the form that most people practice has evolved into something completely new and different. You can read more at www.homeofpoi.com

      My friend has been on welfare the entire time I've known her. Aside from her welfare check, she is used to other people providing for her. Her father gives her food and cooks for her, for one thing. I don't mind lending things out, to a certain extent. But when somebody mishandles things, or adopts an almost confiscatory mindset (I'll just take one of yours) then my feathers get ruffled.
      I think that she honestly believes I am made of money. I'm taking a trip to NYC in september, and that's costly. But I've been working and saving for that money for many months now. Because my monthly pay is more than her welfare check, she seems to think I'm loaded.

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      • #4
        I've never seen saber-spinning. Only the lightsaber duels on Youtube. But it sounds really interesting, and I wish we had people who cosplayed like that where I live >.>

        Oh, back OT, I do think your friend is being a mooch. I'm in no way close to even being a casual cosplayer (only done it twice) and I would find it to be a rudeness to expect other people to provide props for my cosplay. However, if a friend gave me a hand-me-down cheapy, I'd be grateful

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        • #5
          if she asks-I'd just simply say "No." It is a complete sentence, and as it's your property, you don't owe anyone any kind of explanation for why you won't let them borrow it, it's not selfish to do so. If you want to be snarky, you can explain that you'll let her borrow them when you decide she has learned to respect the property of others. If she asks what you mean by that ask her where hers is, she'll reply "I don't know"-and you can say something to the effect of-"so you don't know where your $20 saber hilt is because you don't take care of it, but you want to borrow one of a $200 matched set that I bought as a set due to being able to double wield, and you don't see a problem with this?
          Registered rider scenic shore 150 charity ride

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          • #6
            Nice one To make matters worse, my friend's saber hilt actually cost over $100 when we bought it a few years ago. And since she is on assistance, she cannot afford to easily relplace it.

            Another friend says that she is like this due to enabling- she can barely cook, because her mom or dad have always provided the food. She knows little of how to care for her clothes, because her mom always did that stuff. Now she's beginning to wonder if she left her saber somewhere and lost it. Sadly, that would not surprise me- she left one costume I made for her in a bag on the bus! Luckily for her, somebody was honest and turned it in.

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            • #7
              I don't think that you're being stingy or mean at all. She has obviously proven time and again that she is not responsible with other peoples' property, or with her own. It's not like she accidentally dropped your saber once because someone bumped into her and she wasn't gripping it tightly enough... she was actively practicing something that she is not good at while using your property. Her doing so while you were not around proves to me that she realizes it is not the right thing to do, yet she did it anyway. You are the one who bought the toys - said toys are not cheap - you have no obligation to lend them out if you don't want to. Just because she has never learned to fend for herself doesn't mean she is owed something by her friends. Like others have said, she is being a mooch, and an entitled one at that.

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              • #8
                There was some Star Wars cosplay in town Friday night. Bunch of people just in Jedi and Sith robes by town hall with their lightsabers. It was pretty awesome.

                I just tell people no when they want to borrow something I don't want them to borrow. It's my stuff, I choose who uses it.
                Violence has resolved more conflicts than anything else. The contrary opinion that violence doesn't solve anything is merely wishful thinking at its worst. - Starship Troopers

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