Since the engagement (ooh, shiiinnyyyy), I've been flipping through wedding magazines, planning books, and budget guides. I've only been super-involved with one wedding, my sister's, and that was 8 years ago. I haven't even been to many weddings, so I've been doing what any academic does: reading about it. And frankly...it's ridiculous.
First of all, the insulting way most books and mags treat secular/civic ceremonies. A civic ceremony doesn't have to be a few people stuffed in a judge's office. Just because I want to get married by a JoP apparently means that I don't want any of my family or friends to attend the event. I'm sorry, but WTF? I still want a nice ceremony with music, family, and friends. The only difference will be that a civic official will be standing up there instead of a priest.
Also...so-called "etiquette guides" offer advice that I find insulting and rude. Like one bride bitching that she had to feed the photographer, DJ, videographer, and other "staff." That it was unfair that these people actually wanted to, y'know, eat at some point during her 5 hour long reception. And the editor suggested that she order a separate, cheap "staff meal" from the caterer and serve it in a back room. WTF??? I know catering is expensive, but I find it incredibly rude to shove lovely food under people's noses and then say, "No, you can't have that. You have to eat the cold sandwiches in the kitchen."
Also, the issue of children. Yes, you have the right to a childfree event, but you shouldn't throw a hissy because some people then won't be able to come because they can't someone to watch their kid...especially if they're coming from out-of-town. And if you forbid other people to bring kids, then don't have kids in the wedding. I don't like the idea of, "Oh, no, you can't bring your bratlings, but my adorable niece is okay." Kids or no kids.
What I've noticed more than anything is the pushing of, "It's YOUR day. Do what YOU want on YOUR day." First of all, I'm assuming that there's a spouse involved somewhere, and it's their day, too. I expect to involve my fiance with a lot of the decisions...how much to spend, what kind of food, booze or no booze, do the guys wear tuxes, etc. And he'll get a groom's cake that can be anything that he wants. Which, right now, is Warcraft. I think it's awesome, but some of my friends are all, "OMG, you'd let him do that?" What? "Let?" I'm sorry, he's my fiance, not my puppy, and if he wants a neon orange, strawberry flavored cake with monkeys on top, that's what he'll get.
And, y'know...it's not just you and your fiance...it's two families coming together. And I think making a few compromises in the name of family sanctity is fine. His cousin has a few young daughters - boom. Flower girls. He has a super-religious nut for an uncle, but I'm still going to invite him. My father will likely get drunk and make a scene, but I wouldn't even consider excluding him. (I'm going to make sure he has people to baby-sit him, ditto Mom. With a supply of happy pills and tranquilizers in her case.)
And that's not even how much shit costs. Good lord. There was a point where I thought a sit down dinner might be nice, but after reading up on it....I think we may be settling for Ritz crackers and Cheez-Whiz. And y'know what? We'd still have a good time. I'm reading through all of this shit thinking, why do people care so much? I don't! I don't care if the cake cutter has a ribbon on it or if my nephew spills punch everywhere or if my brother-in-law shows up in blue jeans and cowboy boots. Getting caught up in all the little bullshit...the dress codes*, the band, the favors...it all distracts from the whole point of the damned thing. To get married to the one you love.
*Again, I think it's rude to dictate what your guests have to wear. Ditto being overt about registries.
First of all, the insulting way most books and mags treat secular/civic ceremonies. A civic ceremony doesn't have to be a few people stuffed in a judge's office. Just because I want to get married by a JoP apparently means that I don't want any of my family or friends to attend the event. I'm sorry, but WTF? I still want a nice ceremony with music, family, and friends. The only difference will be that a civic official will be standing up there instead of a priest.
Also...so-called "etiquette guides" offer advice that I find insulting and rude. Like one bride bitching that she had to feed the photographer, DJ, videographer, and other "staff." That it was unfair that these people actually wanted to, y'know, eat at some point during her 5 hour long reception. And the editor suggested that she order a separate, cheap "staff meal" from the caterer and serve it in a back room. WTF??? I know catering is expensive, but I find it incredibly rude to shove lovely food under people's noses and then say, "No, you can't have that. You have to eat the cold sandwiches in the kitchen."
Also, the issue of children. Yes, you have the right to a childfree event, but you shouldn't throw a hissy because some people then won't be able to come because they can't someone to watch their kid...especially if they're coming from out-of-town. And if you forbid other people to bring kids, then don't have kids in the wedding. I don't like the idea of, "Oh, no, you can't bring your bratlings, but my adorable niece is okay." Kids or no kids.
What I've noticed more than anything is the pushing of, "It's YOUR day. Do what YOU want on YOUR day." First of all, I'm assuming that there's a spouse involved somewhere, and it's their day, too. I expect to involve my fiance with a lot of the decisions...how much to spend, what kind of food, booze or no booze, do the guys wear tuxes, etc. And he'll get a groom's cake that can be anything that he wants. Which, right now, is Warcraft. I think it's awesome, but some of my friends are all, "OMG, you'd let him do that?" What? "Let?" I'm sorry, he's my fiance, not my puppy, and if he wants a neon orange, strawberry flavored cake with monkeys on top, that's what he'll get.
And, y'know...it's not just you and your fiance...it's two families coming together. And I think making a few compromises in the name of family sanctity is fine. His cousin has a few young daughters - boom. Flower girls. He has a super-religious nut for an uncle, but I'm still going to invite him. My father will likely get drunk and make a scene, but I wouldn't even consider excluding him. (I'm going to make sure he has people to baby-sit him, ditto Mom. With a supply of happy pills and tranquilizers in her case.)
And that's not even how much shit costs. Good lord. There was a point where I thought a sit down dinner might be nice, but after reading up on it....I think we may be settling for Ritz crackers and Cheez-Whiz. And y'know what? We'd still have a good time. I'm reading through all of this shit thinking, why do people care so much? I don't! I don't care if the cake cutter has a ribbon on it or if my nephew spills punch everywhere or if my brother-in-law shows up in blue jeans and cowboy boots. Getting caught up in all the little bullshit...the dress codes*, the band, the favors...it all distracts from the whole point of the damned thing. To get married to the one you love.
*Again, I think it's rude to dictate what your guests have to wear. Ditto being overt about registries.
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