Cleaning out the toybox

[Ladeeda]

Not sure where to put this, so it's going here.

People who, when going into a steady relationship or moving in with someone or getting married or whatever commitment-type thing, ask their partner to get rid of porn or sex toys.

I keep hearing this nonsense about girls who ask their boyfriends to get rid of or stop looking at porn. That's just dumb. And they're gonna look at it anyway. Better request would be delete your browser history and hide your porn where I won't have to see it hopefully ever. Or hey, separate computers, and keep them password protected.

Ditto with girls and their sex toys. If a dildo was a boyfriend replacement, she wouldn't have a boyfriend, period. And i have to wonder about the sanity of ANY girl getting rid of her toys. Nevermind if the relationship doesn't work out, she's got to replace all those things! Why not have the same stipulation? Keep them where he won't find them.

I'm using these examples because it's the most common version of the scenario. Don't think I've ever heard of a guy asked to get rid of... whatever sex toys a guy would have, or a girl to get rid of her porn stash, since not many girls will admit to having a porn stash (mine's all on the computer, plus one innocent-looking DVD).

I can understand how someone might be uncomfortable or feel threatened by say the perfectish porn stars on the screen or the always-satisfying B.O.B.s, but expecting someone to stop using them is as silly as comparing your partner to the screen bunnies and bits of plastic (and anyone who does that should be dropped, anyway).

*huff* Thank you. *steps off soapbox*

[Plaidman]

It's been my experence that girls look at porn just as much as guys do.

Sex is such a fundmental base part of human biology.

Granted, not everyone puts as much focus on it as others, and others don't seem to care about it at all, others care only about sex, and others want sex but can't have it for various reasons, (Health issues, lack of another, mental blocks, self-confidence etc).

It's stupid to ask to get rid of porn to a guy as much as it's stupid to ask to get rid of a girls' toys.

Besides, a long time ago, I read a study that is very unusual in how most people agreed too.

Most guys want to BE a great lover
Most girls want to HAVE a great lover.

Yeah, dildos might be considered a /replacement/ but if it helps make the girl feel that much better, especally if you yourself are horrid at sex for various reasons, (Inexperence, Stamina, lack of size (Width or length). Yeah yeah, I know size doesn't matter, and it usually doesn't, but if you only have a inch or two long penis, and those do exist in RARE people, your not going to do much are you. Same goes for having TOO big, it's going to smash against the crevix and that'll hurt the women. (Or for those girls that like it, and gay males, that can only go so far before it starts to go into the descending colon, which goes in different direction).

If anything, some guys may like using toys on girls. Mostly because it can and does extend the women's pleasure, which should be the main goal of most causal sex.

[AdminAssistant]

After my little rabbit broke, my fiance said that he would pay for the replacement. Now, part of that is that we're long distance, but...we use toys in bed. It's fun. I get my orgasm, and he gets the thrill of giving me the orgasm. *shrug* And I know he looks at porn. I don't care. I'm the one he's sleeping with.

[joe hx]

I could understand the get-rid-of-the-sex-toy thing if it's a toy they used with a previous partner...

[Ladeeda]

I could understand the get-rid-of-the-sex-toy thing if it's a toy they used with a previous partner...

Well, that's just sanitation.

Yeah yeah, I know size doesn't matter,

*cough* Yeah, it does. Can't stand the long-dong myself.

After my little rabbit broke, my fiance said that he would pay for the replacement. Now, part of that is that we're long distance, but...we use toys in bed. It's fun. I get my orgasm, and he gets the thrill of giving me the orgasm. *shrug* And I know he looks at porn. I don't care. I'm the one he's sleeping with.

You both sound like keepers to me. ^^

Never used a Rabbit myself. Too pricy and not sure it would be worth the cost and hype.

[anakhouri]

I have seen this, but not with porn! My husband's best friend gave him a metric fuckton of gaming miniatures (I mean, entire Warhammer 40K armies), cards (Magic and stuff) and other geeky treasures "because he had no place to put it". Translation: "My wife is a fucking bitch who won't let me do the things I like to do."

Neither of us had sex toys to speak of, and all our porn is on the computer too, but either way we wouldn't ask the other to get rid of something we love.

[Ladeeda]

I have seen this, but not with porn! My husband's best friend gave him a metric fuckton of gaming miniatures (I mean, entire Warhammer 40K armies), cards (Magic and stuff) and other geeky treasures "because he had no place to put it". Translation: "My wife is a fucking bitch who won't let me do the things I like to do."

... oh that's just sacrilegious. Separate a geek from his games? Might as well cut off a leg!

*clings to comic books* No one shall ever come between us, my preciouses...

[AdminAssistant]

Never used a Rabbit myself. Too pricy and not sure it would be worth the cost and hype.

They're pretty amazing. I got one off babeland for $60 and it was totally worth it. I just like it because it's an "all-in-one" package, y'know?

Oh, word of advice for those who are not monogamous - don't buy toys made of elastomer, as they can't be fully sanitized. Truth be told...mine didn't break, I had to toss it out after an STI scare.

Translation: "My wife is a fucking bitch who won't let me do the things I like to do."

While I don't agree with making a guy (or girl) get rid of their playthings, there do need to be limits. When I move in with my fiance, he'll probably cut down a bit on playing WoW...we both will. If he were to start raiding for hours every night, then we would have a serious problem.

[protege]

I have seen this, but not with porn! My husband's best friend gave him a metric fuckton of gaming miniatures (I mean, entire Warhammer 40K armies), cards (Magic and stuff) and other geeky treasures "because he had no place to put it". Translation: "My wife is a fucking bitch who won't let me do the things I like to do."

...and I'll bet that the wife bitched and moaned about his hobbies, yet refused to give up something *she* enjoyed. Pardon my French, but that's fucked up. That's why, whenever I was with someone, I always told her up front about my hobbies. Sorry, but I'm not giving up my model cars, trains, the MG, etc for anyone. That stuff helps preserve what's left of my sanity. If they can't handle it, tough shit. There's the door

[KellyHabersham]

I've only experienced/witnessed this happening a few times, and it happened to involve something other than porn.......a guy whom my brother-in-law worked with had two cats whom he was really attached to, and was forced into giving one of them up because he (for some reason) married a woman who hated cats.

And then in my own experience, it happened that an ex and I had initially gotten in touch because we had a mutual interest in a particular rock band, but after he stopped being a fan of the said band, it caused all sorts of problems because he decided that my being a fan translated into being "obsessed". (where it got frustrating is that I had a female friend kind of suggest that I should stop listening to this band to make the guy happy)

[Amanita]

We were talking about this on a forum dedicated to lightsaber replicas once. One guy mentioned that his girlfriend was starting to give the stink-eye to his saber collection, and people started to talk about girlfriends making their guys get rid of their toys.

I'm a woman and I think it's a fucked up mentality- the idea that women make men give up their "toys" is insulting to both genders. It's insulting to men because it suggests that they are "Peter Pan's" who need somebody to make them grow up, by cutting out their fun. And it's insulting to women, because we are no longer equal partners, we're nags, killjoys, disciplinarians, mother hens, you get the idea. That somehow, it's all on us to make our men "behave" and grow up.

If a guy were to pressure a girl to give up something she loved, a lot of people would see that as a precursor to abuse, or at the least extremely controlling and not a good thing. But when a woman makes a guy give up his hobbies, it's accepted. Now- if the guy were spending an inordinate amount of time and money on his toys, to the point where it was cutting into money needed for essentials, or he was hardly spending time with his S/O, then she would be right to tell him to cut back. But to insist he give up his hobbies altogether, that's just not right.

[Ginger Tea]

makes me glad im single
I only started getting lego Starwars late last year, (mostly battle packs for the stormtroopers/clones) but I one day aim to make a mini hoth diorama, saw a huge one on moc pages once.

it was bad enough giving up all save my ewoks and chewies (had a few) and a gazzillion legos when I was around 10 (parents agreed that if they knew the price of starwars toys in the future they wouldnt have donated em) I kept my transformers though battered and broken as they are

[Hobbs]

I'm glad my gf isn't like this. In some respects, she's a bigger nerd than I am. I'd be sad if she made me give up my dream of building an M-41.

[protege]

If a guy were to pressure a girl to give up something she loved, a lot of people would see that as a precursor to abuse, or at the least extremely controlling and not a good thing. But when a woman makes a guy give up his hobbies, it's accepted. Now- if the guy were spending an inordinate amount of time and money on his toys, to the point where it was cutting into money needed for essentials, or he was hardly spending time with his S/O, then she would be right to tell him to cut back. But to insist he give up his hobbies altogether, that's just not right.

I actually spend very little on my hobbies. Well, relatively speaking anyway I like my sports car models, but I don't spend silly money on them. I don't buy any cars, trains, or MG stuff...until the rest of the bills have been paid. Nor do I spend every weekend at the hobby shop, unless I'm out of something. I could literally spend hours checking out the new kits, BS-ing with the owner, putting ideas together, or even chatting with fellow hobbyists.

Unfortunately though, there will always be people, who see *any* sort of hobby as "expensive," or "time consuming" and will try to insist that their partner has to give it up. All that does is breed resentment.

[blas87]

I only asked my bf to get rid of his pictures or momentos of his exes (not burn them or trash them, but at least put them in a folder online or real photos in a box somewhere) because I don't think you need to have reminders of their exes all around you. I put away the necklace that one of my exes gave me.