Cleaning out the toybox

[Peppergirl]

I only asked my bf to get rid of his pictures or momentos of his exes (not burn them or trash them, but at least put them in a folder online or real photos in a box somewhere) because I don't think you need to have reminders of their exes all around you. I put away the necklace that one of my exes gave me.

I think this is perfectly reasonable.

It's the shrieking harpies that make their men give up all their hobbies and aren't allowed to do anything...they're the one's that piss me off.

'Course, it works the other way too - men making their gf's give up stuff they like, but I'm sad to say it seems MUCH more prevalent in reverse.

My ex sister in law was like this. She had my ex-husbands brother SOOO whipped, it was awful. Then again, I tend to hold alot of blame on the men themselves, for *allowing* the gf/wife to boss them around and/or make them give up all their hobbies.

My ex-husband would have laughed me out of Dodge if I had attempted to curb his motorcycle activities, fishing and dart throwing. He definitely wasn't p-whipped.

[Boozy]

Translation: "My wife is a fucking bitch who won't let me do the things I like to do."

Now wait a minute...not necessarily. In this case you're probably right because you've got more information on this couple than we do. But asking your partner to get rid of a few things isn't always unreasonable when you'll be living together.

You did describe the miniature collection as a "metric fuckton", so I have to assume these items were taking up a lot of space. That space belongs to both of them, not just him.

I asked my husband to get rid of about half his books before we moved in together. We simply did not have the space to store them all.

[AdminAssistant]

I asked my husband to get rid of about half his books before we moved in together. We simply did not have the space to store them all.

Mmhmm. I may well have to get rid of some of my books when I move in with Fiance. On the flip side, he has to get rid of his cat. I'm allergic and have no desire to have a pet right now. Besides, the thing is a little ball of terror.

[Red Panda]

I guess I'm in the minority but I think its perfectly legit to get somebody to get rid of things or stop hobbies in a relationship. Being a couple is like a business negotiation. Both sides lay down terms and can decide to walk away. The person being asked to give something up needs to decide what is more important to them, the other person or what they are giving up

[Plaidman]

I guess I'm in the minority but I think its perfectly legit to get somebody to get rid of things or stop hobbies in a relationship. Being a couple is like a business negotiation. Both sides lay down terms and can decide to walk away. The person being asked to give something up needs to decide what is more important to them, the other person or what they are giving up

Of course, whenever I hear this, it's typical from a person who demands their other to get rid of lots of their hobbies, and refusing to give up any of there own.

[KnitShoni]

I guess I'm in the minority but I think its perfectly legit to get somebody to get rid of things or stop hobbies in a relationship. Being a couple is like a business negotiation. Both sides lay down terms and can decide to walk away. The person being asked to give something up needs to decide what is more important to them, the other person or what they are giving up

At the same time, the person asking the other to give up something needs to examine their motives for doing so. If it's a space issue, as Boozy pointed out, that's something that should be considered. If I ask my husband to get rid of something because we don't have room for it, and he refuses, I'm going to resent him for this crap being in my way, and he's going to resent me if it gets broken.

If, on the other hand, they're asking the other person to give up something simply because they don't like it, that's not acceptable, in my opinion. They're not going to like every activity another person is involved in. My husband likes to hunt, fish, and play golf. I don't. I'm not going to ask him to get rid of his gear just because it's not something I want to do. It also has the added bonus of giving us some time apart.

The person asking the other person to give up something needs to decide what's more important to them, the other person, or what they're asking them to give up.

[linguist]

The person asking the other person to give up something needs to decide what's more important to them, the other person, or what they're asking them to give up.

exactly. i cave, my wife is claustrophobic and won't go near caves. i've been caving since long before we met, and she has never and would never ask me to give it up, because she knows how much i love it. that's not to say there haven't been compromises; i used to go out on survey expeditions several times a year, now i go on maybe one per year, in addition to going underground once or twice a month just to keep my skills sharp. i also assist in cave rescue operations as needed (but thankfully those are few and far between). she has things she loves to do that i don't, and i wouldn't dream of asking her to give them up. as far as i'm concerned, someone who would expect their partner to give up doing something they love altogether is not worth being in a relationship with.

as for the money, my wife actually encourages me to spend, since caving can be a dangerous activity and she wants to make sure i have the highest quality gear i can to keep me safe--when there's nothing between you and 200 foot drop but a 10mm piece of nylon, you want to make sure it's the best you can get, and climbing rope is expensive.

[Hobbs]

I was immediately reminded of this thread when I saw this on failblog.

[anakhouri]

Now wait a minute...not necessarily. In this case you're probably right because you've got more information on this couple than we do. But asking your partner to get rid of a few things isn't always unreasonable when you'll be living together.

Oh, I understand. I have posted about this couple before, and she has done many, many other things that make it obvious she doesn't want her husband to have any kind of life outside their relationship.

('metric fuckton' was relative; it didn't take up that much space, we found room in our little apartment for it!)

[Nyoibo]

See, my girlfriend hasn't asked me to get rid of my porn, she sometimes teases me that I have fomething like 60+ gigs of it, but that's all, she doesn't want me to give up gaming and I'm not going to ask her to give up any training, she has photo's of her ex but it doesn't bother me, although none of "those" photos... (at least that I know of) we're extremely accepting of each others stuff and hobbies, probably helps that we have many of the same ones though, although I will admit to being whipped.

[Ladeeda]

I will admit to being whipped.

Pics or it didn't happen.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Get rid of toys? Hell, my fiance actually paid for a new "toy" for me! XD As for porn, as long as it's in a cupboard somewhere and not on view, I couldn't give a toss. Any person who makes that kind of demand obviously has serious issues with their self esteem.

As regards hobbies; my fiance likes to play golf. I find it as boring as watching paint dry; however, I'd never ask him to give it up. He's going away with his brother and a few mates for a golfing trip this week; whereas some girls would have insisted on coming along too, the very thought makes me shiver. I'd just be bored out of my skull the whole time.

I have a bit of Kiss merch; comics and action figures. My fiance would never try and make me get rid of them. The comics can be stowed away in a drawer somewhere, and he plans to have the action figures put around the house when I move in. He especially loves this Gene Simmons one I have, of Gene in full Demon gear, which will have pride of place.

[Peppergirl]

. He especially loves this Gene Simmons one I have, of Gene in full Demon gear, which will have pride of place.

I'm jealous!

I have never before uttered this phrase:

"This thread is useless without pics!"

[tropicsgoddess]

I never have nor would I demand that somebody stop looking at porn to get in a steady relationship with me. With SO, I could care less if he looks at porn or not, as long as it doesn't get to the point where it's addicting and replaces the sex in the relationship.

[Kaylyn]

This is why I'm glad I married a guy that has similar interests. When we got together, it was like we each added to our own collections. And I don't have a problem at all with him looking at porn, as I look at it too, though our porn preferences are quite different. XD