You lying bastards

[Ladeeda]

I only found this out recently. 12 years ago, my mother died. My sister and I were only 15 and 13 respectively. We ended up living with my grandfather and his second wife.

She's a real bitch. Very passive-aggressive, critical, manipulative, bigoted, stifling, emotionally abusive, and all around hateful. And has my grandfather in the palm of her hand.

One of her FAVORITE tactics was pointing out that no one else in the family offered to take us in. If it weren't for them, we'd be in foster care.

I only found out a few months ago that this was a big, fat, bastard of a lie.

My mother's twin and his wife aren't well-off, but would have been able to take one of us. My mother's sister and her husband offered to take the both of us. They are both educators with large salaries who live in a NICE area of California. We'd have had much better schools, lived in better neighborhoods, not had as big a generation gap, and generally been better OFF. Instead we both ended up going to the ghettoist school in the city, lived in an unsafe neighborhood, and had to live with someone using an outright LIE to try and keep us in line and groveling.

And she wonders why after we moved out, neither of us are keen to visit.

[Plaidman]

While it was horrible and sick of them, look n the bright side of things.

Your a better person then them. You had a crappy life. But because of that, you came out a better person.

Yeah, other places might have been better, but would that have made your character better or worst? It could made you spoiled or entitled or worst. (It's a maybe, not for sure).

Just... a way to look on bright side of a horrible deal.

[Ladeeda]

I doubt it. The entire family has a very Work For Everything mentality, and I'd likely have had to pay for my own college anyway. Difference being I'd have been paying for a better school.

The difference is that my sister and I both missed out on better education, a non-abusive environment, a safer neighborhood, and in all likelihood, a social life since we wouldn't have been living with retirees who insist we come straight home after school and never accept invitations to anything.

[Jack]

Many people seem to think that hardship in itself somehow builds character or makes someone a better person. While experiencing nothing but a lofty life detached from real-world problems can be damaging to development and perspective, there's nothing wrong with having the resources and environment to be safe, happy, and healthy.

I would be glad to be a better person despite what happened to you, but I would never think it was because of it.

[Ladeeda]

Many people seem to think that hardship in itself somehow builds character or makes someone a better person. While experiencing nothing but a lofty life detached from real-world problems can be damaging to development and perspective, there's nothing wrong with having the resources and environment to be safe, happy, and healthy.

I would be glad to be a better person despite what happened to you, but I would never think it was because of it.

Not even sure I am. I have very few friends and rarely leave the house. Terrible in social situations, and have trust issues. If anyone does something nice or just a favor, I'm always looking for ulterior motives, since I'm used to my own family screwing me over for the fun of it.

[Kimmik]

I am so sorry to hear that your mother passed when you were young. I understand how hard that is. I think that woman thing needs to be beat. I can guess why she wanted both of you and wanted to makes sure that you were in her control.

My guess would be the death benefits that she would get in your and your sisters name. I have seen that in my family.. it is always sucktastic and cheats the kids that already have to deal with the loss of their parent(s).

[Rageaholic]

Sorry to hear that. She sounds real toxic and unlikable. At least you know you'll never have to deal with her again.

[Ladeeda]

I am so sorry to hear that your mother passed when you were young. I understand how hard that is. I think that woman thing needs to be beat. I can guess why she wanted both of you and wanted to makes sure that you were in her control.

My guess would be the death benefits that she would get in your and your sisters name. I have seen that in my family.. it is always sucktastic and cheats the kids that already have to deal with the loss of their parent(s).

I can honestly say her interest was not financial. All the money from my mother went into Certificates of Deposit until we were each 18. That and a part time job (and going to Community College first) let me get through school without taking a student loan.

My opinion is she just needed someone to control and try to mold in her image. All her kids take after her. Passive-aggressive, racist, talk down to anyone. My cousin, her daughter's son, has tried to lecture me about how my sister is going to have a horrible life because she's living with her boyfriend without marriage. They've been together 5 years. Whereas he talks down to his lovely wife and lets their kids act like jerks to her.

She was never happy that my sister and I have our own ideas about what's right, though it took a while for me. Had to live at school before my own opinions started developing.

Sorry to hear that. She sounds real toxic and unlikable. At least you know you'll never have to deal with her again.

Toxic is a good term. She's already alienated most of my grandfather's kids. Mom's twin was really only staying in contact for our sake. After that cousin lecture I just mentioned (Thanksgiving), he and his wife came over for Christmas, and he wanted to make sure I wasn't being turned against my sister.

He didn't know I had left the room when the lecture started and spent most of the day in my room away from them.

So it's not just us.

[crashhelmet]

I don't want to threadjack this too much, but I want to make a point about something that others have been commenting on. That point is "you never know."

I was raised and trained as a kid to be "the ultimate soldier." My dad and my Godfather had this grand scheme that they'd train me to follow in their footsteps and go into the military. They figured if I started early (I started training at 6) I could have my pick of whatever SpecOps group I wanted. Listening to their stories and dreams for so long, they quickly became mine as well. In addition, I loved the military life. I loved the travelling, base life, all of it. Then, when I was 15, I shattered my ankle and had it reconstructed with a plate and 8 screws. After 6 trips to MEPS (Military Enlistment Processing Station) and a BuMED waiver, the military finally told me to not the door hit me where the good Lord split me.

I was just as shattered as my ankle was and spent a little over a year looking for a reason NOT to kill myself. Obviously, I didn't but back to my point...

IF I never shattered my ankle and I was able to enlist, or possibly even earn the Commission to Annapolis I was shooting for, would I be alive today? Would I be one of the many casualties from the wars and skirmishes we've fought since I graduated in 1993?

Then I stop and think about the friends I had made along the way. I think about my soon to be 4 year old son whom probably wouldn't be born if things were different. I think about my 3 Goddaughters whom I never would've met. The experiences I've had, good and bad, would've been replaced by a different set. I wouldn't want to give these up for a new set. Sure, life may be easier. it may also be harder than it was. As I already pointed out, life might not exist at all. You never know...

Ladeeda, I'm sorry that you had to put up with that bitch of a woman. I'm not saying that you have to forgive her, but take the time to try and find some goodness out of all of it. Whether it be an experience, a friend, a lesson, or something within you. Something worth the pain. Things could've been better or worse with your aunt and uncle. You never know... Just hope that one day she learns her lesson and reaps what she sowed.

CH

[Jack]

I think about the same things too. July 2008, when 17, I joined the Navy. Got a medsep on 6-5 day, barely over a week before graduation. I actually ended up staying at RTC waiting for separation 17 days longer than it would have taken me to graduate, barring my issues with passing the physical. I tend to think what if I had made it through. I might not have had the two boyfriends I loved dearly, got this job I don't love so dearly but it's probably one of the best I'd get in my situation, met the people and had the experiences and done the things I've done. I might have gone off and got myself killed or had an even less fulfilling life than this one cooped up in a carrier, coming up to repair planes (I was going to do avionics). My general attitude is that I don't regret doing it, but I'm not upset it didn't work out either.

[telecom_goddess]

Not even sure I am. I have very few friends and rarely leave the house. Terrible in social situations, and have trust issues. If anyone does something nice or just a favor, I'm always looking for ulterior motives, since I'm used to my own family screwing me over for the fun of it.

That really sucks...and I have the same issues for the same reasons. I didn't live with grandparents but did live with my mother who was old enough to be a grandparent, did the same thing to me that yours did to you....had to come straight home from school, couldn't have friends over, couldn't go out anywhere, I had to live in my room 24/7, and I started that from birth.

I avoid social situations as much as possible, and rarely leave the house. I go to work, go shopping sometimes...that's IT. Otherwise I'm a hermit.