Inattentive Parents

[jedimaster91]

Or in this case perhaps downright neglectful. There's a girl (hereafter known as K) at the end of our block that is always hanging out in our cul-de-sac. It would be one thing if she had some parental supervison, but she doesn't. It's not just our cul-de-sac either. I've seen her bike parked at houses as far as two or three blocks away from where she lives. I wonder if her parents even know where she is half the time. The theory among the neighbors is that the parents tell her to go out and play and don't come back till dark. And this child is somewhere between 6 and 8.

The other problem we have with K is that she's rude. I'm not altogether sure if she's just never been taught proper manners or she doesn't care. My guess is the former moreso than the latter. She has a tendancy to march up to someone's front porch without being invited and is always trying to go into other people's houses. The other kids on my cul-de-sac are mostly preschool age or younger (with a trio of boys middle school age), and she often gets the younger kids to ask their parents for stuff for her. Stuff like juice, popcicles, toys (not long ago it was the sprinkler and the slip 'n slide), and if she can come in and play on a game system. She bosses them so much it makes me want to throttle her.

K is also...hefty. The older boys tease her mercilessly about it, but I don't think she really understands what's going on. Personally, I think she has a developmental delay, which would explain why she prefers to play with the younger kids. I think she relates to them better. But she also doesn't get that she's too big to play with some of their toys. It's not unusal for the little ones to ride each other's bikes and motorized cars (like the Barbie or Hot Wheels Jeeps we had growing up). K got upset yesterday because my neighbor, J, told K she couldn't ride J's son's 4-wheeler. It's not a new rule. The device is built for toddlers; K is simply too big for it and would be even if she wasn't overweight.

Last night kinda took the cake, though. We have cul-de-sac parties now and then, and last night was one of them. Everyone brings a dish and we play games, chat, and have a good time. There's also copious amounts of alcohol. It's one thing for the kids who live here to be around while the adults are drinking. That's their parents' call and while I don't like it, I can't say anything about it (although they don't get really trashed until the kids are in bed for the night). K has no business being down here without a parent when the alcohol's out. I know a couple of the neighbors have told her mom that there are adult beverages at these get togethers. The mom doesn't seem to care. This is at least the second time K's been in the cul-de-sac when alcohol was available. The first one was another (adult) neighbor's birthday party. The adults flat told K to go home and not come back that night because of the drinking. Alcohol turns K's presence from an annoyance to a liability. And even though I don't drink, it's one I refuse to be responsible for.

The icing on this lovely cake of fail? K's parents weren't even home last night. An older cousin was supposed to be watching her, but the babysitter was asleep on the couch. I doubt they even knew she was outside.

And of course, her mom once tore a neighbor a new one because the neighbor's puppy had scratched K. Yup, she's one of those who doesn't bother to watch her kid and then screams when the kid gets hurt due to her inattentiveness.

[LexiaFira]

I would not hesitate to have cps on the phone the next day or business day because of that. Not just for the fact of her inattentive parents but also because of the developmental delay and that nothing is being done about it for K's benefit.
She is getting food - not accusing or saying negative about it - OR has a thyroid or weight issue from birth or somewhere along the line thus the heftyness. Just the fact that everyone else feels obligated to watch her or doesn't and she is out in danger around the cul-de-sac.

I suppose my rant is not just her bad parents but that everyone else too. Its not their responsibility to watch K but someone should have said something by now if not to the parents, then the proper authorities.
Yeah I know K's mom would tear the person who called cps a new one, but thats just it, thats part of the issue, it wouldn't have happened if K's mother was just that, being the mom she is supposed to be.

[jedimaster91]

The reason I hesitate to call CPS is I don't know the whole story. I don't know if anything is being done to help her possible* delay or her weight issues. I suspect not, but I can't say for sure. I do know one of my neighbors has called CPS on another family who's 4-year-old was wandering around improperly dressed for the weather, but I never heard what came of it. Although I think I've only seen that little girl once since then.

I do believe someone has said something to K's mom at least about the alcohol being out. But K's mom wasn't home yesterday (holiday weekend, I understand going out without the kiddies). I couldn't tell you if she cares or not. My impression is "not".



*based on my complete and utter lack of a psychology/psychiatric degree.

[BlaqueKatt]

The reason I hesitate to call CPS is I don't know the whole story.

that's the job of CPS-not you-you call and report possible child neglect-they investigate and determine if there is-it's not a case of having to know the whole story. Right now it seems everyone is doing more of a "I'm not getting involved because I can't be sure/can't be bothered/don't know the situation/someone better qualified than me should do something" It's called "bystander effect"-how would you feel if K were abducted/murdered/raped/molested during her wanderings? It takes a village to raise a child means-do something, don't just ignore and say "well I don't know, I'm not sure, I'm not qualified" CPS is qualified-and they'd rather go investigate 100 cases of "nothing wrong here" than miss a case of abuse or neglect because it wasn't called in.


edited to add:

I suffered through years of neglect and abuse,(neglect from my mom, abuse from stepdad) because "no one wanted to get involved". Yet when the EMTs were hauling me out of my house on a stretcher, because my step father had thrown me down the stairs after choking me into unconsciousness -everyone had a story to tell the cops about what they had witnessed/suspected. Yeah guys/gals thanks for helping out before it got to this point. The cops were pissed, and rightfully so-anything said by the "witnesses" was now hearsay and too old to be investigated.

[LexiaFira]

agreed. plus if you really want backup ask info from the other people or when you do call mention everyone else that has seen or has had a hand in this as that may mean they will go knock on everyone's door involved for info.

I have yet to call cps on someone but from what I do know is this: if the child is being cared for as in his or her needs are being met EVEN if it isn't by the parent (food, shelter clothes etc and by shelter I mean a permanent place to sleep and stay not whomever houses her for the night) then there isn't much they can do but the parent will be called into question now if the parent or others involved are not caring for them then the child will be taken away. IE since K isn't being cared for the parents will get major fines and jail time.

[KitterCat]

As another person who grew up with neglect, call CPS. From the sounds of it K is only surviving due to the good will of neighbors and dealing with out right neglect from her parents. If its some other reason cps will find out. If her parents simply don’t know how to bring up a child they will teach her. If I remember correctly child neglect laws have also changed from when I grew up so cps actually has a few more teeth and legal ability to take a child away due to neglect at least in the state of MD.

From my own experiences I’ve found that when my gut is telling me something just isn’t right, its generally telling me the truth. Follow that feeling and call, at the very worst you’ll find out that your wrong and K’s parents do know what’s going on and are trying to fix their daughters manners / attitude.


As Edmund Burke said “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”

[blas87]

This is going to sound really mean, but I hate kids like that. Not picking on her weight or mental problems, just the annoying kid that is always on your property or trying to get into your house thing. There is no easy way to go about it.

Down the block from where my parents live, there's a stay at home dad (that family is pretty trashy) who doesn't get off the damn couch. His three little can rats (my parents call them that because they always want aluminum cans) are always out and about around the neighborhood, going onto people's yards and once or twice they've tried to get into my parents' house! Why? Because my parents weren't answering the door to give them more aluminum cans! So now my parents have to lock both doors and jimmy the back screen door locked just because of them. The entire neighborhood is so sick of those dumb kids and their worthless father. Their mother is never around. You only see her in the early morning.

Edit, again, I am NOT making fun of the OPs child in question or mocking her problems of neglect. That is totally different. Just venting about annoying kids. I'm sure something like that has happened to everyone.

[Greenday]

blas, I have family friends who have dealt with that. Kids actually trying to just get in the house. Sadly it actually worked once. The wife came home from work and the kid was sitting there watching TV. I don't get how he could have thought that was acceptable.

As for the OP's situation, it sounds a lot like neglect which definitely warrants a CPS call.

[blas87]

Right, back on topic.

Think of what would happen if you DON'T call. It's not as if you're some nosy busy-body or someone with an old axe to grind with the mother, you are a real concerned citizen. You have some real concrete evidence that there is some real negligence on the mother's part, I'm sure at least one of your neighbors would back you up and be able to elaborate with you.

If you don't do anything, you will at least a few times later on, wonder what will happen because you didn't. Katt has a very saddening story on what happens when you just keep it to yourself. You don't want all this fresh proof to become old hear-say.