Selfish Brides

[AdminAssistant]

HYHYBT, I realize that it's impossible to plan around the lives of all of your guests, but you should know your guest list well enough to get a time that works for the majority. If it's a farm family, the wedding will probably be in early summer or winter, as that's when farmers are least busy. If most of your guest list lives in X state or Y city, it would be best to have the wedding there or as close to there as possible. If one of the members of your wedding party is a college student, you should definitely not plan the wedding during their finals week. (There's some flexibility with other tests that does not exist with finals.)

Yeah, it's a lot to be aware of. But if one of your primary concerns is making sure that as many people as possible can attend the event, then it's something to think about. On the other hand, if having the wedding at a certain locale or a certain time of year is more important...then okay. But be understanding of those who can't attend.

[Greenday]

Do you *really* think that weddings should be planned around the preexisting schedule of everyone who is attending?

If they are expecting a lot of people to show up? Yes.

[Ladeeda]

I would never, NEVER ask my guests to pay for their own dinner! That's the complete opposite of a guest. That's a customer. Charging admission to a wedding.

I think I'd like a cute tea for my wedding instead of a full meal. Little sandwiches (of many kinds) and other h'ordeuvres, then instead of a monster cake, a regular-sized cake for each table set there after the bride/groom cutting. Save the hassle of a line.

Also, not only tea. Tea, lemonade, club soda, maybe coffee.

Nice, simple, tiny, and CHEAP! Ain't no way I'd spend $200 for a wedding dress, or ask anyone else to do so. I'd probably just find some light colored (blue, perhaps) tea-dress and get a veil to match.

Odds are, no one else would be wearing a veil. What ho! I stand out without having to wear white, the most impractical color on Earth.

Fun fact: white wasn't the thing for wedding gowns until Queen Victoria wore a gown of white lace for her wedding to boost the sale of British lace.

[guywithashovel]

Is isn't possible to cater to everyone's schedule. However, if I understand correctly, Admin's friends group of attendees have M-F jobs, for the most part. So having the thing on a Sunday night and wanting them to spend the night was a little inconsiderate.

[blas87]

Now, if the wedding party was purposely trying to disuade certain family members or friends from coming (I have some genuinely nasty, horrid mannered relatives), it would be one thing.

People who do not value other people's time are not worth it in my opinion. Double points if they don't value that not everyone is well off right now.

[HYHYBT]

Sorry, I was a bit confused when I made my previous post, thinking this was the thread on excused/unexcused absences.

I would never, NEVER ask my guests to pay for their own dinner! That's the complete opposite of a guest. That's a customer. Charging admission to a wedding.

Would it still be wrong if the wedding were located in a *place* that charges admission, and buying your own ticket and meal (totaling, together, say $25 a person) counted as your gift? All theoretical, but my imaginary wedding would involve that.

[AdminAssistant]

Would it still be wrong if the wedding were located in a *place* that charges admission, and buying your own ticket and meal (totaling, together, say $25 a person) counted as your gift? All theoretical, but my imaginary wedding would involve that.

The wedding etiquette police would say no. First of all, you shouldn't expect your guests to pay for anything.* Second of all, saying that their admission would be their gift is dictating what kind of gift they give you, which is also bad form.

I'm not saying I agree (I think it depends on the situation). But from what I've been reading, traditional etiquette would say no.

*The issue of open bar/cash bar is still a bit tricky, but most say either open bar or a select group of beers/cocktails, but anything extra is cash. A completely cash bar is considered tacky and rude.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Nice, simple, tiny, and CHEAP! Ain't no way I'd spend $200 for a wedding dress, or ask anyone else to do so. I'd probably just find some light colored (blue, perhaps) tea-dress and get a veil to match.

Odds are, no one else would be wearing a veil. What ho! I stand out without having to wear white, the most impractical color on Earth.

Fun fact: white wasn't the thing for wedding gowns until Queen Victoria wore a gown of white lace for her wedding to boost the sale of British lace.

Ugh, I hate white as a colour anyway; I only ever wear white t-shirts or tops in summer and I'd never wear a white dress anyway. Certainly not a meringue style dress. I've already talked about the kind of dress I'd like and it would certainly be red or burgandy; those colours suit me very well. Seeing as I'm pale, a white dress would not be flattering at all.

As for not expecting people to buy their own drink; tough shit. I will of course be supplying champagne for people to drink my health and that of my husband, but if people want to get shitfaced they can do that on their own damn money. I'd hold the reception in a pub function room, so that there's a bar there for people to buy drinks.

For the record, I've been to loads of wedding receptions where there's been a bar, and no-one ever considered that to be the least bit tacky. I certainly don't; after all, the bride and groom can't provide for everyone's palate, and at least if there's a bar where people can buy their own drinks, they can choose whatever drink they personally prefer.

My brother's wedding reception was a "dry" reception; there was no alcohol whatsoever, cuz neither he or my sister in law drink much. That's all very well, but it had me, my brothers, my older cousin and my fiance rushing off to find a pub right afterwards. XD

[blas87]

I agree with Lace. I'm sorry what the etiquette experts say, but they obviously aren't from podunk farmville Wisconsin. Free beer or drink with dinner is fine, but I will not let people get trashed at my wedding on my dime. I'm hell bent on forbidding anyone from getting drunk because I've seen some weddings just go the wrong way when guests or bridal party members drink too much.

I saw a groomsman get so drunk he was dancing with his pitcher of beer, he completely ripped and destroyed his rental tux, the groom was so sloshed I doubt he could have even satisfied the bride that night.

[AdminAssistant]

the groom was so sloshed I doubt he could have even satisfied the bride that night.

There's no sex the night of the wedding. Everyone...Everyone I've talked to says that you're far too tired to be bothered. Exception here is if you're part of the 3% of people who are actually virgins on their wedding day. (Then, hey, it'll only take a minute anyway.)

Note that I wasn't giving MY opinion on cash/open bars, just saying what I've read.

Personally, we're not having booze. We can't afford a totally open bar, and I'm uncomfortable with a completely cash one. (I like the "have a few beers and cocktails available, everything else is charged" policy.) Even a champagne toast would be really pricey. Add to that - our families consist of either Southern Baptist teetotalers OR alcoholics and....it'll just be easier not to have any. I've tried to let my friends know this in advance, but surely it wouldn't be that great of a disappointment anyway.

I'm wearing a white dress, but probably with some element of color (either a light blue or purple). I'm pale, but I don't really care. Next summer I do need to make sure I wear more tank tops so that I don't have such a severe case of farmer's tan. I kinda want the white dress (although NO train, NO strapless, NO excess tulle), and Mom's going to be buying. Soooo...yeah.

Urg, we still have to pick colors. Good thing this is still....21 months away.

[blas87]

No sex on the wedding night?! Gee, no wonder I'll never get married. I always thought it was because I'd never keep a guy long enough to get to that point, or there wasn't a dumb enough guy alive, but the truth speaks for itself!

Too tired? Too drunk, in most cases around here I'd bet.

It was just such a nightmare at my friend's wedding. At my bf's sister's wedding, which was quite recent, naturally my bf got drunker than Charlie Sheen in Vegas, and he stepped on and ripped his sister's uber expensive dress. Not that I agree with buying a dress worth as much as a newer used car, but daaaamn I'd be pissed as well. It's bad enough if someone accidentally spills on you or steps on your dress, but when they are drunk and wobbling around. Eck.

By the way Admin, I used to be as white as the walls, and I always wore blues and purples. Fair people have a hard time pulling off very bright colors, but not lighter or pastel colors, and certainly not plain old blue or purple. If it was neon blue or fuschia, that'd be a different story.

[Greenday]

No sex on the wedding night?! Gee, no wonder I'll never get married. I always thought it was because I'd never keep a guy long enough to get to that point, or there wasn't a dumb enough guy alive, but the truth speaks for itself!

Screw that. My wedding night there's going to be sex at least a couple times. Sealing the deal is one of the most important parts of a wedding damnit.

[AdminAssistant]

Yeah, but GD, in most cases the deal was sealed long, long, lonngggg, ago. If I've been running around since 9 am with not a lot of food and we finally get to the hotel room that night and I'm tired, dammit, I'm going to bed. We can have sex in the morning.

[blas87]

Sealing the deal? Haha. That's only after you pay her father and give him two cows and three sheep and half of your family's earnings of your brewery business.

[IDrinkaRum]

Sealing the deal? Haha. That's only after you pay her father and give him two cows and three sheep and half of your family's earnings of your brewery business.

Hahahaha Blas! That made me laugh. And quickly put down the drink I was about to take a sip from.

The dresses I bought @ JC Penney outlet were on the sale racks. These were the prom/dressy party/early summer wedding dresses that needed to be gotten out before the shipment for the late fall/winter weddings/christmas events dresses were shipped in.

As for sex on the wedding night? My husband & I were living together and we still had sex on our wedding night! However, we did make a quick run to the local Burger King to grab food 'cos I don't remember eating much at the reception.

And I wish to God, I had had a wedding with little to no alcohol. My parents wiling shelled out for carafes of wine to be served at the tables (but after those carafes were gone, no more). My MIL insisted on an open bar. Our wedding is still talked about ... not because it was a nice wedding but because of the open bar and everyone got trashed.