having to resort to upside the head*

[Mishi]

I had this problem. I explained to my husband and my B-I-L that when I ask for something to be done, it's not laziness. It is genuinly something that I can't do, due to health or time constraints. I also reminded them that I'm not asking them to do something that I wouldn't do myself. I'm not trying to push distasteful chores off onto them, otherwise I'd make them scrub the bathrooms. I work all day, looking after and teaching our kids (sometimes my B-I-L's kid as well) and the dogs as well as doing housework. It took a few repetitions of that, and the fact that I rarely get downtime like they do because even when I'm not 'working' I am on call 24/7, to sink in.

[telecom_goddess]

I had this problem. I explained to my husband and my B-I-L that when I ask for something to be done, it's not laziness. It is genuinly something that I can't do, due to health or time constraints. I also reminded them that I'm not asking them to do something that I wouldn't do myself. I'm not trying to push distasteful chores off onto them, otherwise I'd make them scrub the bathrooms. I work all day, looking after and teaching our kids (sometimes my B-I-L's kid as well) and the dogs as well as doing housework. It took a few repetitions of that, and the fact that I rarely get downtime like they do because even when I'm not 'working' I am on call 24/7, to sink in.

what do you do that you're on call 24/7?

[LexiaFira]

it took me taking his psp away for him to get that yeah he needs to help me because i pointed this out.

Me: when did you start playing this game?
Hubs: at about 1pm?
Me: and WHAT time is it now?
Hubs: 5pm. *expression of the time dawning on him* what did you need me to do?
Me: not a damn thing since I did it all already, thank you. for the umpteenth time. Did you save?
Hubs: Yea?
Me: good *takes psp, checks that he saved, turns it off and puts it away. please watch our daughter so i can lay down as she has decided its ok to scream today and i have a migraine.

that was two days ago. during my mental break down cause i just couldn't take it. I was wrong for being mean, but after dealing with lisa screaming because she was teething it wore on me, and having the house clean for two hours before dad came home and trudged mud in from work. lovely

[telecom_goddess]

I don't think you were wrong for being mean he needs to get up off his ass and do his share....instead of playing his psp like a 15 year old.

And Dad needs to go clean up the mess he made too!

There's nothing more annoying than to work your ass off cleaning the house just to have everyone else trash it and leaving it for you to clean up.

[LexiaFira]

we have come to this resolution as now that lisa is crawling maybe i DO need help as i can't even keep the floor swept and let her crawl on it let along play. i haven't had a chance to vacuum her play rug either. hah

yeah both are helping me. but i wonder if someone has to get hurt for them to understand sometimes. or to the point that hey yeah the floor is a mess and if i put her down she WILL try to eat the stuff on the floor.
at least the adjustment to the new car seat went well

[Hobbs]

so when she doesn't do it, its now come to that I have to bop her upside the back of the head. not hard. somewhere between the force of a spitball or how a person would tap an animal on the nose and say no, its that kind of force.

Okay, I edited this to show why I have trouble with this conversation. If it was myself or some male saying that, I'm 100% certain I, or he, would be labeled an abuser, despite the proposed amount of force. This double-standard about a man not being able to strike a woman, yet women are given carte blanc, really irritates me.

I do think it's bad how inattentive your husband seems, but I just had to point out this one problem I had with the OP.

[LexiaFira]

Fair enough. I didn't take that into consideration. If he did tap or hit me I wouldn't cry abuse I would hit back. However for example if i hit him first then by all means I expect him to retaliate by either returning blow for blow or calling the cops. I can assure you that as much as I wanted to I have yet to hit. I don't know why I seriously thought about doing it beyond being frustrated.

I started doing a chart, writing down for my benefit some of his behaviors when he gets home in the morning. He has a pattern but he doesn't realize it. He comes home and just crashes in the effect that he either goes to the comp or his psp and unwinds and loses track of time. HOWEVER he does do things if i ask him to, for me its the issue of having to ask him to do it every day when its been the same three things for two years is all.
But then I did this when I was younger so I decided to lay off and remember his mind works differently than mine.

And yes I admit there have been times I probably should have been smacked upside the head and am thankful I wasn't.
Not trying to argue but show that yeah you have a point and I remit that I was wrong but that it is frustrating. At worst i poke him in on the arm