assumptions of my decisions

[LexiaFira]

just because i chose to be a stay at home mother doesn't mean I am happy with it. Why did i chose this you ask? because at the time I knew for at least until DD would turn a year old it would help me and keep her safe to an extent.
IE FOR HER BENEFIT.
I may not like the choice and when I have a chance and a schedule to work with in getting a job I will take what I can get and work with it.
This also means that NO, I don't like what I chose HOWEVER its not about me, its about DD and that as much as I dislike the choice it DOES NOT MEAN I am an automatic hermit because I cannot/do not drive. Or even semi-hermit. It just means life threw some difficulties at me and I learned to deal with it and move on.

SO when you text me about stuff you are doing or enjoying. Thank you for assuming that I cannot come with you. No i don't want to get sloshed but I do want to go out to have a drink or two as I can leave daughter with so that I can join you.
Yes I am a parent but I CAN go places without my daughter if plans are made ahead of time for me to make plans for her.
Why am I so peeved? because I keep hearing stuff about oh man you would have loved to go lexia too bad-
too bad what that you didn't think to ask me in advance so I could maybe GO WITH YOU!? yeah. don't talk to me for a while. I like having friends too but would rather have honest considerate friends who visit my house - even though it may not be a great house or they can't stand it, at least they come visit out of consideration.

and let me clarify this isn't the first time this happened. these said "friends" drunk call and text me. or text and say they are bringing the booze or whatever out then call later drunk or whatever state they are in and I'm of the mind I cannot talk to this person like that because they are not sober or themselves and won't remember a word.
no, this is the fifth or sixth time actually, just a different day

[Sage Blackthorn]

Sorry to hear you are upset Lexia. Sounds like your friends are being rather insensetive.

I'm a great fan of quotes from people older and wiser than myself. So I keep a few on my keyring. Most every one of them has to do with happiness. Maybe they will help....

"The Mind is Everything. What I Think, I Become."
--Buddha

"If I Change My Mind, I Change My Choices. If I Change My Choices I Change My Life. "Be The Change You Wish To See In The World."
--Mahatma Ghandi

"Life Is As It Should Be, Always! Find Perfection In Every Moment."
--Deepak Chopra

Changing your perspective can sometimes have a tremendous effect on your outlook. Looking at situations from a different point of view may help to take away your annoyance. Personally, I've never liked going out to get sloshed. For one, I intentionally drank to much one time to see what would happen..... I didn't like it, I became very sick to my stomach. For another thing, over the years I've noticed that alcohol has had less and less of an effect on me. So that it takes more and more of it to produce even a mildly pleasant feelings. In short, it's to expensive now and there are other things I'd rather spend my money on. I still drink occassionally, but now it's for the flavor of the drink and not for the inebriation. I look at people who go out and get plowed and act stupid and I just shake my head and sigh. Especially after reading about that birthday party in Cleveland, Ohio. Talk about an excellant arguement for sobriety and moderation. So if my friends were pestering me to go out and get drunk, I think I'd decline in favor of staying at home with a good book, which to me, is a more enjoyable time.

[LexiaFira]

just shoot me please and remove this entire topic. I can't stand this anymore
the whole of me trying to make friends and a new life here just got wiped away in one fell swoop with the now ex' friends cruel and stupid action. i have no friends and now i'm "a horrible mother" so no one will talk to me. I loathe this town i live in

[anakhouri]

I stay at home too (I enjoy it though) and I know it's kind of depressing to always be around a baby and never adults. I also have trouble making friends, always have. Luckily the friends I do have seem better than yours in that respect, they will sometimes say, "Hey, we are doing this on this date and know you probably can't come but thought we'd ask just in case." That gives ME the option of finding childcare and saying yes or no.

Can you just straight-up tell your friends, "Look, if you're going someplace I like then ask me, I might just be able to go."?

I know you don't drive but is there a park or library or bookstore you could walk to or take a bus to? Striking up conversations with other parents is surprisingly easy and you might find some friends who are also parents and will understand your position (not that you should ditch your non-parent friends, but it's nice to have both).

From all your posts you just sound really isolated and that's kind of dangerous for stay-at-home parents I think. Too easy to turn inward and go crazy.

[Sage Blackthorn]

just shoot me please and remove this entire topic. I can't stand this anymore
the whole of me trying to make friends and a new life here just got wiped away in one fell swoop with the now ex' friends cruel and stupid action. i have no friends and now i'm "a horrible mother" so no one will talk to me. I loathe this town i live in

I hope it wasn't anything I said. I'll just shut up now.

[Mytical]

Lexia, know it doesn't help much but you do have friends. Remember I am just a Private Message away.

[LexiaFira]

no Sage_Blackthorn it wasn't you
I may have ppmd (hope i got the abbreviation right) which is that out of control hormones that come with pms and the monthly etc. and if this is true it would explain why each month has been increasingly difficult for me on top of everything else going crazy over here. before i start rambling i'll leave it at that. and i am trying very hard to not post every little detail of every crisis here because thats just overkill imho however its difficult for me as it feels like i have no control over my own emotions. its very upsetting

and anakhouri, thats all i wanted of them. the few parent friends i do have are sis in law and hubs friend's family. but uhm...she worries me as well...i don't dislike her but her choices in life...concern me. such as uhm...how can i say having four kids barely two years appart one after the other and NOT going crazy but getting close to that and seeming a tad scary yet still nice without sounding mean or touchy? seriously i was concerned for her because it would be her fourth c-section maybe

now i feel like an attention whore with all these threads. ignore me! (no not really but someone smack some sense into me)

[Sage Blackthorn]

no Sage_Blackthorn it wasn't you
I may have ppmd (hope i got the abbreviation right) which is that out of control hormones that come with pms and the monthly etc. and if this is true it would explain why each month has been increasingly difficult for me on top of everything else going crazy over here. before i start rambling i'll leave it at that. and i am trying very hard to not post every little detail of every crisis here because thats just overkill imho however its difficult for me as it feels like i have no control over my own emotions. its very upsetting

>-----snip--------<

now i feel like an attention whore with all these threads. ignore me! (no not really but someone smack some sense into me)

Usually every month, my wife will go through an overly emotional couple days. A good month involves a crying fit and then she feels better. A bad month involves (rarely) us having a fight over something stupid that really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things. It doesn't matter what it is, sometimes it's the emotional release that a person needs.

[blas87]

You always have us. Remember that.

[LexiaFira]

i keep that in mind. is just a hug (hug NOT huge) needy person
i have kept people at bay for ages before considering them friends or trustworthy mostly for the basis of the fear that the person or persons will either betray that trust, hurt me emotionally or something bad will happen. When I finally do allow them close proximity beyond a normal hug its a very good thing. So its not a personal thing against everyone here its just how I am.

which losing the friends I recently made at home hurt because i trusted them enough to try and was betrayed. Something i take seriously. and my family wonders why I'm anti-social. riiight dad's side of the family aren't a-holes uh huh

[blas87]

I understand how you feel. I haven't any kids, but I've lost several friends in recent times, and I know how it feels to be left out or flat out forgotten just because you are more mature or ahead in life than others, or live a different lifestyle or make choices that others cannot accept.