My mother

[MaggieTheCat]

When I moved from my hometown in Wisconsin to Texas to be with my (boyfriend at the time) husband last year, I left a lot of my stuff with my parents. Mostly furniture, because we didn't have room for it at the time; my husband was living in a small 2 bedroom apartment that he had been in for over 4 years when I moved in, so it was completely furnished with his stuff. We were all cool with this at the time; my parents had no problem keeping my stuff since they had the room, and my husband and I were planning on buying a house together at some point, at which time we'd get my stuff moved down here to help furnish a bigger place.

Well, we bought our house in April. My parents were all excited because now I could use all the furniture left behind, and they wanted to come see us after we moved in anyway, so they said they would bring my stuff with them when they came. Awesome.

So first, they were going to come this fall. Like September-October-ish. I don't remember the reason, but that idea got nixed pretty fast, which is fine, 'cuz honestly this part of the country is really nice in the winter, especially coming from Wisconsin where it's ass-freezing cold. So then they were thinking of coming around Christmas, which would have been nice since we've already told everyone in both our families that we're staying home for Christmas this year and spending our first Christmas in the new house...at the new house. Then they decided they'd rather come sometime after Christmas, maybe in January or February, which is fine too. Honestly...we don't care when they come. Except now they don't want to drive, they want to fly. Which is great for them, except they still have all of my stuff, and they're not going to be able to bring it on a plane.

I understand if they don't want to bring it all down here. It's fine. It's a lot of work and I don't blame them for not wanting to do it. We never asked them to bring it all down here; they offered, after we got the house, to bring it themselves when they come to see us. They kept insisting they'd bring it. They even bought a bigger vehicle to bring it all down with (which, again, we never asked them to...they went way overboard with that and didn't even tell us they were buying this rig until it was bought and paid for.) Now they're nixing that plan and coming without any of my stuff.

Oh, they're still going to drive sometime, and bring my stuff with them. Maybe in a year or so.

Excuse me? A year? My stuff isn't THAT important, but among other things, I have a REALLY nice futon that I want ASAP, and they know how badly I want it. We have two completely empty bedrooms upstairs right now, empty because they're supposed to be furnished with MY STUFF, the futon being one thing that's going up there. And we're really eager to get it, because we have friends stay over from out of town fairly frequently, and right now whenever someone spends the night, they have to sleep on the floor.

Oh, my mom's excuse for not driving right away is great. See, they got two dogs a bit over a year ago, two dogs that they had complete intentions of bringing with them whenever they come to see us, which would have been fine with us. Then they decided that the big dog would be too much hassle to bring that far, so they started looking at what they would do with him if they wanted to leave him behind. They found a kennel that they liked and started bringing the big dog there just to get him accustomed to being there. Then they decided that even the little dog (she weighs maybe 10-11 pounds?) would be too much hassle so they started bringing her to the kennel too, so they could leave both of the dogs behind when they come see us.

Now they're concerned that if they drive, it'll be too long of a time for the dogs to be in the kennel without them. It's AT LEAST a two day drive to get down here from where they are, and that's if they really push it, which they won't. So probably at least three. And more likely it'll be four, because 1) they don't want to stress themselves and 2) they want to stop and see the sights whenever they pass by something interesting on the way here. So we're looking at a minimum of 6 days travel time, possibly 8 or even more depending on how much they dilly-dally. And they don't think the dogs could handle being in the kennel for more than 10 days...14 absolutely tops. So now they think flying is a better option.

Why don't they hire a pet-sitter, you ask, if they're going to be gone for an extended period of time and are concerned about their pets? Oh, dear readers, let me tell you why. My parents are paranoid freaks. They don't want anyone except their immediate family on their property, let alone in their house. And even then, they don't always like to have my one brother and his family over, and they absolutely refuse to let my grandmother come over. And that's while they're HOME. Nevermind when they're gone. I think they would freak the fuck out and have heart attacks if they knew a STRANGER would come over and be in their house ALONE. What about friends? Ha ha ha! My parents have no friends. No, I'm not kidding. No, I'm not even exaggerating. They literally. have. no. friends. They never socialize with anyone. My mom used to be part of a local quilt guild, but she got so fed up and pissed off and annoyed at every single one of the members that she quit and now doesn't speak to any of them. They used to go to dinner with a former co-worker of my dad's sometimes, but then they decided that those people are too depressing and annoying to be around. So they literally doesn't socialize with anyone except themselves.

So, when my mom dropped this bomb on me, that they were flying and not bringing my stuff, I was obviously less than pleased. I didn't say anything specific, per se, but she could obviously tell from the way the conversation was going that I was disappointed and a little upset...and she got mad at me for it. Told me I didn't understand what it was like having two dogs (true, we have three cats) and trying to plan and organize this and blah blah blah.

Her: "Well, when you and (husband) ever want to take a trip for 10 days, you'll figure out real fast that it's not as easy as you seem to think it is to figure out what to do with your cats!"
Me: "(husband) came to see me several times when I was still living in Wisconsin, for 10 days or even 2 weeks, when he had the two cats. He had Paul take care of them for him"
Her: *splutter* "Well -- well, isn't Paul moving next spring!? What will you do then! Huh!?"
Me: (thinking wtf does Paul moving have anything to do with this conversation) "Then we'd get Bill to watch them. Or even Ken. Or any of (husband's) other co-workers. I'm sure there are several of them who wouldn't have a problem stopping over here once a day to feed and check on the cats."
Her: "Well, would the cats be okay for that long, in the house all by themselves all the time?? Did you ever consider that??"
Me: "I'm sure they'd be upset, but they'd be fine. It'd be better for them to have someone coming over here every day than for us to kennel them, after all."
Her: "Well, maybe for YOU. WE couldn't do that."

Oh right, I forgot I was talking to the paranoia queen here. She'd rather never see me again than have to let someone in her house while she's away, if she couldn't kennel the dogs.

Anyway, sorry for the mega-rant. I'm just really peeved right now. I know I could probably hire a moving company to get all my stuff and bring it down here for me, but 1) back to the paranoia bit, my parents wouldn't let a group of movers in their house, even if they were home, to get my stuff, and my parents probably would not set all the stuff out in the driveway for them, and 2) my parents would be HIGHLY OFFENDED if I tried to take this into my own hands. They said they would bring my stuff down here for me, after all. They even went out and bought a new vehicle to do it with! Shame on me for trying to do it myself! It just has to be 100% on their terms and their schedule, that's all!

Oh yeah, now I remember the other reason I moved 1500 miles away from my family.

[HYHYBT]

Just *reading* this has me wanting to tear my hair out! Let's see:

*You cannot hire movers because they will not let strangers, nor even many family members, onto the property.

*You cannot get your things yourself, not only because of the distance, but because after buying equipment of some sort supposedly to do the job themselves, they'd take offense.

*They aren't actually *going* to do it themselves either... at least, not within any useful time frame, and probably never.

I'd be awfully tempted to get them to mail me a box of whatever smallish personal items you can get them to send and then think of the rest as having been lost in a fire or something.

[MaggieTheCat]

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. They'd let my husband and I come get the stuff without much of a problem, if we could get there. It's the getting there that is a problem for us. And just to clarify, with my one brother who I said they don't like much, they WILL let him in the house, on their terms. It has to be when and how they want it, though. If he calls up and says he has a weekend off (rare, 'cuz he works for the post office so he works a lot of Saturdays) and he wants to come to town for the day or couple of days to see them, they'll only agree if they're in the mood. Which isn't always. Sometimes they've got other stuff going on, but other times, they're just "too tired" to deal with company. I guess my bro is considered "company" and not "family" because when my other brother wants to come visit, it's never a problem (he's "family.") Then they complain that they don't get to see my one brother very often and they never get to socialize with his kids.

Sorry, that's a whole other rant in and of itself (I may have even posted about it here once before.) My mom's already sent me some of my little stuff, but a lot of it is kinda delicate and she was waiting to bring it with her when they drive down here so it doesn't get busted up in shipping. I can always get the little stuff whenever I go visit them again sometime (in which I would fly, so I could get little things but not furniture.)

[blas87]

My parents refuse to kennel Bear the Dog when they travel. And since my Nana died and my mom got her share of the estate, they've traveled a lot.

"But she doesn't like it!" they protest about kenneling the dog. I don't like shots and gyno exams.

The last time they went on a trip, they demanded that I either move back in for the week and a half that they'd be gone (BIG NO NO, if I am gone for more than 2 days and don't tell my landlord and they find out, I'm evicted. No lie. Seriously. And I may be paranoid myself, but you guys have heard me bitch about my neighbors, do you think I'd let any of them in here to check on things?), when that didn't fly, they demanded that every day I come back into town two or three times to take the dog out to go potty and feed her. NO. At the time, my car was falling apart and besides that, I work night shift, so waking up every few hours to drive 15 miles to let the dog out?!

After a huge fight over that, they let my brother talk a friend into taking care of the dog during the day, and I'd let her out and feed her before/after work at night and in the morning.

[protege]

As someone who leaves his kitties behind when he's on vacation...it's not all that bad. For the most part, they don't give a shit My neighbor's 11-year-old daughter comes over to feed them, play with them, and take care of the litterboxes. Of course, she gets rewarded with a box of salt-water taffy, a T-shirt, or some other small item.

As to the furniture...my parents couldn't wait to take over my old bedroom If they'd have made excuses why I couldn't have my things...I'd have taken care of it. I'd have borrowed (or rented) a truck, loaded up my crap, and that would have been the end of it. Granted, I was only moving a couple of blocks. But, if I'd been given the runaround, I'd simply wait until I knew they weren't going to be home, and things would start finding their way down the street

[telecom_goddess]

The last time they went on a trip, they demanded that I either move back in for the week and a half that they'd be gone (BIG NO NO, if I am gone for more than 2 days and don't tell my landlord and they find out, I'm evicted. No lie. Seriously.

Ok I realize this is off topic but WTF??? You can't leave for more than 2 days? What if you ended up in the hospital, would they evict you then?

[blas87]

Sorry for the threadjack but it's in the lease, a part that I merely skipped over when I signed it because I needed to get away from my former roomie, so I actually didn't even read all of the fine print and all of the stupid rules. One would think I had an HOA instead of a property management company. When we get our winter nasty-grams taped to our doors reminding us about the plowing policy, it also notes their "policy" about if you are gone for more than 2 days you must inform the landlord or assign a neighbor to stop by your place and check on stuff for you, otherwise you could be evicted.

Uh huh. Yeah right. Well, my downstairs neighbors just have friends or family stop by if they are ever gone for more than a couple of days, and they've never gotten in any trouble. I've never told them when I've left for 2 and I never will. I guarantee there is nothing that needs to be checked on.

Anyway, back on topic, Bear the Dog does get seperation anxiety and the last time my parents went on vacation, we had some awful stormy weather in Wisconsin at the time, it stormed at least 2 days that they were gone, and Bear hates storms as it is, and I couldn't be there every moment with her, so nowadays if it storms, she is unbelieveably annoying and you have to pretty much hold her until it stops or she won't quit shaking and crying. Of course, that is my fault, too. Only my Dad will admit that maybe they should have kenneled her or had her stay with someone with all that stormy weather, and perhaps it was good enough that I was there every day, but I couldn't be there all day or make several trips to and from.