People who bitch about their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband.

[Eisa]

*blinks* *blinks again* Ok then...

Personally, I love my SO. He feels like the other half of my soul. He fills up places I didn't even know existed until I met him.

That does not mean I'm not allowed to be like, "Yeah, that was annoying" to someone else. That does not mean I don't accept him exactly as he is.

Maybe you could consider that perhaps you [generic you] might not always want to vent to your SO directly because you know it will make them feel like they have to change it. And they don't need to change it, it's just that it bothered you and you need to get that out.

Doesn't mean I or anyone else is ungrateful or that I only "like" him or that it's only "lust."

Also: you would actually attempt to make someone single if they vented about their SO? What?

[Ree]

I love you, Plaid, but it's flawed thinking.

As I said, I do understand the theory, but it's just not rational.

Are you familiar with the way a pressure cooker works, Plaid?

They have a release valve in them for a reason.

If a person doesn't vent occasionally, stress and pressure and resentment build to a dangerous level, and then a person explodes, saying or doing something they really don't mean, and then regret.
It can cause an irreparable rift.

[the_std]

People through the ages have learned to ignore plenty of stuff, from people being murdered/raped right in front of them, people being beaten in schools, homeless being hungry and sick all the time, children that are abused, you sure as hell can ignore the fact that husband leaves seat up, or wife makes more money then you, or husband prefers smoking pot over watching kids, or wife gambles too much, flaws in them, a part of who they are.

But whatever makes you happy. To me, it will always show how ungrateful they are, how lucky they are, and me hoping, praying, and maybe even attempt to make them single. See how happy they are then. No need to vent about their SO, just at the cost of said SO. Let's see which is the better deal. The SO, or the venting of SO.

These two examples from your last post showcase perfectly that, no matter what we say, you are going to keep thinking what you're thinking. Power to ya, buddy, but don't expect anyone here to stop bitching and complaining about their SOs. It's just so unrealistic an expectation that it is not going to happen. This is one case where "if you don't like it, don't read it" really applies. If you know you hurt so badly just from the mention of someone else having a significant other, stay away and don't torture yourself.

Personally, I've been thinking love hasn't existed in a long time. THere's lust. There is liking others, but this thread has envolved to mostly people clamouring for their rights to complain about people that love them, then the fact that they are indeed extremely lucky to have a person that can accept them.

Personally, I'm sure your idea of love doesn't exist outside of fiction and people who are paid to pretend they love people the way you think they seem to. Romantic love is a fairly new belief for people to embrace - before the 1800s or so, most people accepted that you just partnered with people who helped you get through life, love or no love. Only the very rich and privileged had the time or the luxury to waste on the ideas of 'romantic love'. So I'm not too sure where you got the idea that love really ever existed at all.

[Cat]

Are you familiar with the way a pressure cooker works, Plaid?

They have a release valve in them for a reason.

If a person doesn't vent occasionally, stress and pressure and resentment build to a dangerous level, and then a person explodes, saying or doing something they really don't mean, and then regret.
It can cause an irreparable rift.

I was gonna use a volcano as a reference But blas did say it best....ya don't vet, you explode.


EDIT: and you can easily love someone and complain about them....please do not assume I do not love my bf. Complaining does NOT be you hate something about them.

[Plaidman]

Fine.

Venting is ok.

Thanks for pointing something out for me.

[guywithashovel]

People through the ages have learned to ignore plenty of stuff, from people being murdered/raped right in front of them, people being beaten in schools, homeless being hungry and sick all the time, children that are abused, you sure as hell can ignore the fact that husband leaves seat up, or wife makes more money then you, or husband prefers smoking pot over watching kids, or wife gambles too much, flaws in them, a part of who they are.

First off, I'll agree that griping about a toilet seat being left up is stupid.

But how in the world can you, in good conscience, compare that to people being murdered and raped? And children being abused? And people neglecting their kids for drug use? Those things aren't even in the same ballpark as leaving the seat up.

In a way, Plaidman, I feel weird arguing with you on this, because I really do see where you are coming from, and to some extent, I agree with you. I guess it's just that when the conversation on this board turns to relationships, your posts tend to take on a very lofty tone. Maybe I'm reading more into them than is really there---I'm certainly not going to claim to be an expert in your life---but you really seem to think that you are a step above everyone else in terms of kindness and generosity towards others. Sometimes, I get the impression that you think everyone except you is an insensitive jerk neglectful and ungrateful of his/her friends and family, and that every single man except you objectifies, takes advantage of, and oppresses women.

I don't mean to step on your toes, but that really is the impression I sometimes get from your posts. Maybe I'm wrong. Hopefully, I am.

[Ladeeda]

This is not an either/or situation. You absolutely can love someone and complain about them.

Plaid, in that relationship you had with that girl you're still friends with, do you think SHE never complained about YOU?

[Ladeeda]

She still does to this day.


I never once thought I was better then others. It's the opposite. Everyone is better then me. Be it brains, strength, skills, everything.

Just means that, even with venting, no-one could deal with me as a SO obviously.

Dude, that's one relationship. One of, how many? One? MOST relationships don't last.

Might want to try therapy yourself. You have some severe self-esteem issues, and no one finds that attractive.

[Ladeeda]

Glad that your the masters of relationships. I'm sorry for ever thinking I had a voice or opinion in the matter.

Pot, meet kettle.

[HYHYBT]

Exactly. You still love them. So it really is no need to vent, since in the end, you still love them and vice versa.

Why? You accept them, and love them. Your not going to kick them out, or break up with them over it.

Hold on, now, that's exactly wrong. I love them and accept them, and will not stop doing so or throw them out, but that does not IN ANY WAY AT ALL mean that I cannot, or should not, complain now and then. Again, please, PLEASE show a logically necessary connection between "I am not willing to break up over this" and "I must not say a word of complaint about this, ever." You've so far avoided even acknowledging that such a connection is not self-evident, despite virtually everyone else in the thread disagreeing.

[guywithashovel]

I never once thought I was better then others. It's the opposite. Everyone is better then me. Be it brains, strength, skills, everything.

Just means that, even with venting, no-one could deal with me as a SO obviously.

Obviously, this is more about you feeling frustrated and hopeless over not being able to find someone rather than people griping about their SOs.

No, other people aren't better than you. Well, I guess everyone's better than someone else at something. Almost everyone is better than I am at sports, for example. But they aren't better than you in terms of being superior or having more overall value than you do.

I can definitely understand the frustration you feel about dating and rejection. We've all been snubbed before, and we all have our crosses to bear and physical imperfections to deal with. For example, I'm shorter than average, and I look quite a bit younger than I am. Looking considerably younger than you really are isn't usually a good trait for guys, and so I get passed up a lot for it. On top of that, I wear thick glasses. Heck, I'm currently on an online dating site, and this site has members go through stages of communication with each other. The site also allows you to choose to only allow people to see your pictures once you get to a certain stage of communication. One time, I decided that I wouldn't allow people to see my pics until the second stage of communication. Guess what? Several women closed communication with me as soon as they got to that level. The reason was obvious.

Why am I telling you this? I guess just to show you that I know how you feel.

[guywithashovel]

Name one thing that I'm good at. (That's good. Being a dick with twisted views that people hate isn't a good trait)

Well, I don't know you personally, so I really can't tell you anything that you're good at.

You seem pretty skilled at sparking lively debates on internet forums. I can say that.

[BlaqueKatt]

As for making people singlejobless? Sure. Why not. They can vent about ex SO'sjobs all they want then. Complaining about them was more important then the person themselfworking.

Again, you start datingworking, you've accepted they have the job flaws. It's the loving the person for who they areparts of the job/paycheck, the whole reason your datingworking.

Your typically not finding people to datejobs/work so you can complain about them/it.

If your not accepting the personjob, or rolling with their flaws annoying customers that irk you, then your not really loving the person grateful to have a job at all.

See what I did there?

understand?

yup I love my husband, doesn't mean his refusal to cook, or feed the cats/clean the litterbox doesn't annoy me. I've accepted it, it still annoys me at time

[blas87]

You are a friend to me Plaid, but I have to respectfully disagree with you.

I think there is a distinct difference between someone who can find a fault with every single little thing their S/O says/does and is obviously not happy or just trying to find stuff to bitch about, and someone who needs some healthy venting so they can calm down and not say something they don't mean later.

[Peppergirl]

You are a friend to me Plaid, but I have to respectfully disagree with you.

I think there is a distinct difference between someone who can find a fault with every single little thing their S/O says/does and is obviously not happy or just trying to find stuff to bitch about, and someone who needs some healthy venting so they can calm down and not say something they don't mean later.

QFT. Times 2