People who bitch about their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband.

[Greenday]

I do hate it though when people bitch about really small things constantly. If it's not a big deal by any measure, just shut up about it.

[Boozy]

I really feel this is more of an etiquette issue.

As I said in my first post, there's nothing wrong with griping about relationship problems. Just because a relationship isn't perfect doesn't mean that it's worth throwing away. Sometimes blowing off steam with friends makes all the difference.

I don't kid myself; I'm sure my husband makes fun of some of my more annoying "quirks" when having a beer with friends. I don't mind, because when he comes home, he doesn't blow up at me for the small things. He just shrugs it off. Good relationships may depend on communication, but they also depend on ignoring the small stuff. If a bit of griping behind the scenes lets him do that, more power to him.

So the real problem here is that Plaidman's friends are being insensitive. His friends should know how he feels about being single, and they should pick someone else to complain to about their significant others.

On the other hand, if Plaidman hasn't told his friends that this bothers him, they get a pass. Plaid, you should just say something to them. They may not know this bothers you.

[Ipecac Drano]

The damnedest thing of all is that a person who bitches about their significant other has more right to bitch than a person who bitches on Internet forums.

[HYHYBT]

I've looked at people in committed relationships and thought, "Gee, you really don't know what you've got."

Funny; I tend to expect them to have a far better idea of what they hav than I, as someone outside, do.

If you bitch alot, then it's obvious that the cons far outway the great pro.

Would you mind clarifying exactly how the one supposedly leads to the other? Some people get annoyed more than others do. Some people complain out of habit. Some people complain about the little things, *knowing* they're little. Who are you to set rules for everybody, such as that if they want to complain they need to break up?

But bitching to others? What's the point? Venting to another person is NOT going to solve what it is your bitching about.

Doubly wrong. First, the assumption that complaining is always *intended* to solve problems; most often, it does in fact solve the only one it's meant to, which is the usual relief people feel after venting. Second, when it IS meant as a way of finding a solution to a problem, it sometimes works!

I, too, lack a SO. So my example may seem overly simple, but it DOES apply. Really. I have cats, and love them dearly. I wouldn't give them up for anything, short of actual force. BUT: they're still annoying sometimes. If they've had a particularly strong run of bringing in critters (not all dead) and throwing up on the carpet, I'm going to complain to *somebody.* Not because I expect it to do any good, not even really because I want them to be different than they are, but because it feels good, or possibly just because I don't have anything else much to talk about.

[T]hat mistake [you're] venting about is not worth breaking up over[, so] it's not even remotely worth venting about[.]

Please provide a logical connection showing that the second statement must in all cases follow when the first is true.

[blas87]

If I can't bitch, I'll explode.

[Kimmik]

I bitch about my husband... he can be right fucking annoying sometimes.... but you know what... I vent so that hate doesnt grow, I vent cause it is healthy to do so, I bitch because I understand that what ever is annoying me is part of what I love.

He watches some of the most idiotic shows in my view... I will bitch about it to friends or on forums... but I wont bitch to him about it because that is a part of who he is... and I love him but for his sanity and mine I vent so I dont misdirect frustration and annoyance where it doesn't need to be.

I am secure in my marriage and my love for hubby, so I understand that venting is normal and most who do it do so because while they are venting about something that irks them they are also aware that it is only someone that you love who can annoy the hell out of you and still have you love them.

It irks me when he leaves the seat up, or when he leaves the bread open, or when he has to qoute a movie line a bajillion times... but just as those irk me and i bitch about them... I also get a smirk cause I know that it is just who he is.. and that makes him all the more lovable.

Why bitch at him about shit that annoy's me when I can vent on the net feel better and go back to snuggling...

[protege]

The more I think about this, I do kind of see what Plaid is saying.

I have one acquaintance who does nothing but bitch about her husband.
It's constant. Every time I hear yet another complaint or example of his faults, I wonder why they ever got together in the first place, and why she stays with him, but she does. In that case, I want to say, "Put up or shut up. Is he really as bad as you're saying, and if he is, why are you still with him? Quite frankly, I would have kicked his ass to the curb ages ago."

Ree, I had to *live* in a situation like that. Yep, my parents. Whenever something, no matter how minor happened, there was usually plenty of screaming and nasty comments thrown around, usually by my mother. For years, I got to listen to one of them bitch and moan about the other one. In fact, that's the main reason I moved out. After 30 years of near-constant bitching, I got tired of working 9-hour-plus days in a noisy office, and then coming home and being subjected to their latest argument. Even now, it's not unheard of for them to be trading barbs in front of guests, and yes, I have said that I'm tired of hearing it.

That's probably why even now, my brothers and I are in our 30s, and really don't have an interest in settling down with someone. Unfortunate, but being subjected to that shit for so long, has bent my views on such things

[telecom_goddess]

What about Therapy? If there is one place that one can bitch safely it should be therapy right? What do you all think of that avenue....it's a supportive place to complain and get all the negativity out without destroying the relationship yes?

[blas87]

I consider this place and CS as therapy, actually. Not in the literal meaning, but as my own personal form of it.

It helps me a lot to be alone and talk to myself and vent away, but sometimes I need a little more, and I want it to be read, but not by someone who personally knows me/works with me/is related to me/hangs out with me on a constant basis.

I know I need to keep a lot of details regarding work secret for my own safety, but I can make a general black and white outline vent, the same goes for whatever else I vent about.

[guywithashovel]

I just don't think any of you, just will never understand and ever be grateful for that connection.

Fine. Bitch and complain about that one (or for the polis, multiple) person(s) that you know, make you happy at least 70 percent of the time for a less then fair assement (most likely 80-85 percent of the time), about the 15 percent that they pissed you off.

Yeah, maybe I don't /get/ relationships. That they are hard. But they do come with rewards. Far more then what it's worth complaining about.

Just cherish the relationships, just be happy. You have that person. But you feel that you should bitch and complain when they made a mistake or something? Then seriously, just break up. Let's see it. Oh wait, you can't. Because that mistake your venting about is not worth breaking up over. So it's not even remotely worth venting about, cause at the end, you still HAVE them.

Not that any of you would ever really understand that.

How can you say that people don't appreciate their connection with their SOs, just because they go about things differently than you do? Isn't that a little condescending?

[Greenday]

Is a job opitional? Not if you have bills to pay and can't find another job.

Welfare.

Is school opitional? Not if you want to get a degree and better support yourself.

It's completely possible to not go to college and be successful.

It takes TWO people to agree to this. Not just one. So yeah, people who bitch and moan, about a mistake or trait of their partner, really don't deserve to have a partner then. If they can't handle it, or accept it, then no. No partner for them.

Since this is the only one of the three that actually involves human nature which pushes us to have a partner...it's probably the least optionable.

No one's perfect. No one. So people will always problems with their SO. You might not notice it early on in the relationship, but give it a few months and there is a 100% chance there will be at least one thing you don't like about them. So why fight and put your SO down when you can just vent over a beer, no one gets hurt, and life continues on like nothing happened?

[RavenStarr]

If I can't bitch, I'll explode.

I love this. Is it okay with you if I put this as my new sig?

[Cat]

I'm the same....if I don't vent....I explode. But damn effin' straight I am grateful I have a bf whom I love.

I forget who said the cat reference, but it was pretty on....I bitch about my cat's vet bills, Ri's vomiting, Morg's blood lust, doesn't mean I don't love them.

[Eisa]

How come you didn't address the issue of therapy, Plaid? How does that fit in? Is it ok to "vent" in there?

[Cat]

Venting is stress relief. And I have my bf for 3 years, he is hardly disposable.

And I hope he vents about me to friends....why? Because if it he didn't, I'd honestly think he didn't give a red rats rear end. It would he cares enough about me to get irked at things.....not just take me as things are, shrugging off things.