People who bitch about their girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband.

[muses_nightmare]

If your not accepting the person, or rolling with their flaws that irk you, then your not really loving the person at all.

Doesn't mean you hate them. Doesn't even mean your not liking them really, but it also means you don't love them ether, since you can't accept a flaw in them.

I have to disagree with this. I love my boyfriend, we've been together 7 years, you think in all that time that he's never done something that I want to vent a little about? Of course he has, so I talk to a friend, have a laugh about it afterwards and accept that it probably won't change and I'm fine with that. I don't complain about him all the time either, it's every now and then. Love is not some perfect thing that makes you not see the flaws in people, at least not in a long term relationship. Sure you have to learn to accept those flaws, but that doesn't mean you can't vent a little about something you find annoying. It doesn't mean you hate something about that person, it means you may slightly dislike a certain behaviour sure, but mild dislike/annoyance is a long way from hate.

[Ladeeda]

Ok. For CRYING OUT loud.

1: I said it's fine to vent 4 times now at least.

2: I have stated, NUMEROUS freaking times, that I KNOW that love is NOT a perfect thing, and there WILL be times that you two would fight.

I never stated ONCE that you do NOT see any flaws. I stated that you just need to learn to freaking accept the flaws as a part of the person, and not bitch about it.

Just erase the last five words from last sentence, and we're all freaking happy dorky ok?

Jebus. I know I ramble, and I've been told I'm crazy, pyscho, idiot and just so many other names, but I'd think people could at least read what I say rather then proclaim I said things I never said like

1: Love is all happy 24/7. I never ONCE said that, and even from the very first freaking post I stated it was not like that at all.

Must have missed the part where someone called you a psycho idiot.

I think most here are reacting to how you say no one can really love or appreciate their SOs if they complain about them at all.

That's a pretty cruel statement to make.

[muses_nightmare]

If venting is okay then why did you start this topic? Wasn't that your whole point, that is wasn't okay?

From reading this thread it's not about fighting with your spouse, which I never said that you disagreed with, but about venting to other people that you have a problem with. This is the point of contention between your views and mine.

You are the one who claimed that if you vent about your SO then you don't really love them, something I actually found rather offensive and untrue. Complaining to friends about small issues is not spitting on the relationship, it is simply something people do to keep from starting fights over nothing.

You are also not alone in not having had experience until you were older, a friend of mine who is 23 has never been in a relationship of any kind, and she doesn't have any prospects in the near future. She's quite happy with how her life is going without another person. Does she sometimes wish she could meet someone? Of course. Does she dwell on that? No.

[telecom_goddess]

I think this is starting to get out of hand.....it's just causing bad feelings all the way around now.

[Andara Bledin]

By the logic presented in this thread, basically no one ever has any right to bitch about anything.

No, no. We can bitch about family and.... Oh, the weather!

We have no control over the weather, so we can bitch about that.

Oh, wait, unless it's weather typical to the place we live and since we can change where we live, then it's our own fault we have to put up with that sort of weather, so we can't bitch in that case.

But we can still bitch about family.

^-.-^

[Boozy]

I think this is starting to get out of hand.....it's just causing bad feelings all the way around now.

Plaidman has already stated his intention to leave this thread, which is probably a good idea for anyone who is starting to take this debate too personally.

[HYHYBT]

Like I said earlier when I conceded the point.

Sorry about that; I somehow missed at least a full page of the thread. My sincerest apologies.

[muses_nightmare]

Don't ever confused loneliness with being alone. There is marked differences, just do a google search.

Okay fine?

[Plaidman]

No, no. We can bitch about family and.... Oh, the weather!

We have no control over the weather, so we can bitch about that.

Oh, wait, unless it's weather typical to the place we live and since we can change where we live, then it's our own fault we have to put up with that sort of weather, so we can't bitch in that case.

But we can still bitch about family.

^-.-^

...I'm again going to try to calmly explain again, about what I meant, though I'm sure in the end I'm still going to get the awesome replies that despite what I say that it's fine to vent, I'm really saying it's not fine to vent ever.

You can say no to someone asking you out. Though I'm sure only a few select of you has heard that uttered to you, or even saying no to those that ask you out. That was a choice to say yes or no. As you keep dating, you keep saying yes. No-one put a gun to you and ordered you to keep dating, same with no-one put a gun to you to ask you out. No-one put a gun to you to move in. No-one put a gun to you to get married. All that was optional from day one. You never had to keep doing it, or even start.

However, the below you CAN VENT
Jobs? Yeah you can quit it if you want, but can you afford too? Not really a choice there if you have bills to pay and can't find a job. Very few find a job they can enjoy all the time anyway. So yeah, vent.

Weather? Somedays rock, somedays suck. Vent away. Yeah, move if you want. But do you want to get rid of all your friends? Family? Can you get a new job? Not a choice, not an option to do so.

Family? Yeah, some peoples family suck and want nothing to do with them. Doesn't mean they're not there. No matter what, they are there until they day. So they may one day come back in your life for good or bad. Your born with them. So vent away, family isn't a choice.

Neighbors? Same with weather. Sure you can move, but again, can you afford it? Not always. So again, vent.

Everything in this world you can vent about, because you have no choice if it effected you.

Being with another person? Flat out a choice. Flat out optional. Flat out a gift.

Do you understand that at all? Do you get the point in why you really shouldn't bitch?

Or do I still sound like some asshole who proclaims thou shall not vent about anything?

Likely you think that. Most of you think it's hilarious what I'm saying. A good chunk of you are laughing at me, even hoping I never get a SO because that be funny.

The email from whoever was awesome btw. What with the pictures of smiling couples, along with the line of Plaidman unobtainable goal, amoung other far harsher lines like people are right that I'd never get another, or there is currently a charity to save up money to buy me a fucking blow up doll so I'd have someone.

Awesome from you guys.

Enjoy the fact you found love. All I was saying, that it's an optional thing, that you didn't have to go with. You accepting their flaws. Roll with them. You shouldn't vent, because it's the only thing, that is ever optional. Nothing else in life is.
But yeah, I already hear you laughing, or rolling your eyes preparing to send more replies about how I'm saying that you can never vent about anything yet again.

[Ree]

Are you telling us that one of our members harrassed you off the site with a nasty email? I'm assuming it was anonymous.

I find that disgusting, and very disappointing.

I had thought our members were more mature than that.

If members are so immature that they cannot handle fratching and debate, then they need to stay off the site.
Resorting to nasty anonymous emails is cowardly.

[protege]

Are you telling us that one of our members harrassed you off the site with a nasty email? I'm assuming it was anonymous.

Pardon my French, but that's fucked up. Only cowards go the 'anon' route with emails. I've always felt that if you have a problem with me, you grow a set...and tell me to my face. I might not *agree* with you, but at least I'll have some respect for you. Otherwise, you're just a little bitch. And yes, I'll post that sort of email for everyone to see, after I've ripped it to shreds

[Greenday]

I know Fratching can get pretty heated at times, especially as of late, but I never thought we had anyone that'd be that big a douchebag.

[Kimmik]

You accepting their flaws. Roll with them. You shouldn't vent, because it's the only thing, that is ever optional. Nothing else in life is.

Hun that is why people vent... I love my husband beyond measure, but there are things that he does or will do that will irritate me and so I will bitch about them. I do this not because I can't except him for him, I do this because I except him for him and understand that there are going to be days that he pisses me off and that is ok because that is life and humanity.

Hun I can understand where you are coming from more then I could ever explain. But I will try.. I was told my whole life I would never have children.. never. To me children are the ultimate sign of love and the greatest miracle. I watched in horror as the news showed people abusing their children, killing them, aborting, and abandoning. Each story tore me up, why would anyone abuse such a gift? I watched as relatives popped kids out like candy only wanting them for the money they brought.

I never got upset when a friend vented little Johnny flushed the keys again.. because I knew that they were venting because the ones we love tend to drive us the most nuts. However those that bitched because they were "stuck" at home... made me see red... because they didnt have to have children.. they were blessed with something that I cried myself to sleep nightly about.

There is a difference in me bitching that Hubby left the damn seat up again, or that omg for the hundredth time put the butter away... little shit like that I will bitch about in places I feel safe... cause it is little shit. It is like his drinking.. he has done great with controlling his drinking... he use to drink like a fish.. sometimes I will bitch about him leaving cans about, or damn it he stayed up drinking again... but I dont bitch because he is a shitty person... I bitch because why hurt him when it is my quirk that has me upset?

I know what I have with him is a gift.. everyday is a blessing.. but hun sometimes you have to vent because yes it is a part of who they are.. and we love them for it, but that doesnt mean it doesnt chap our asses.

I think that while general bitching is normal it is things like the following that should be a flag on the play: and should be cause for really looking at the possibility that you are with the wrong one.

Omg SO is a lard ass, they fucking just make my skin crawl...
Omg SO is so lucky to have me because they should kiss my feet that I took pity on them
Omg SO doesnt put out enough, or to much, or doesnt want to do my kink
Omg SO dared breathed in the direction of someone else...

But things that are everyday 2 people in one space things.. well that is human nature.. you huff and puff about it... get someone elses take on it or just get it off your chest because while it irks you, you realize that it is a combo of your quirks and their quirks and it is just a small bump in a long road.

Hun I cant believe someone sent you shit like that... *hugs* We may not agree but there is one thing that I admire about you.. you have a passion and a conviction.

Yes most defiantly big hugs...

[Ladeeda]

Plaid, why do you assume some of us are laughing at you? That's a pretty long leap from disagreeing.

[muses_nightmare]

The e-mail was a fucking douchy thing to do on whoever's part. I'm sorry you had to deal with such an asshole.


Also I'm fully aware that you think that relationships are a gift, and yes I suppose they are, but we are all still human. Things will still annoy us, regardless of whether or not we're complaining about something that's a choice. It happens. It's not going to stop. Just let anyone you know who's may be doing it while you're around that it bothers you, and if they're even remotely a decent person they'll stop doing it in your presence. If someone is complaining in a thread here or somewhere else online, don't read it. You may feel that they are disrespecting their relationship, but that isn't the general opinion and you really will have to deal with possibly seeing or hearing people venting about their SOs, but hopefully if you mention you don't like it then you won't have to hear it as often.