Sometimes I feel cheated

[jackfaire]

I think you just have to look at it from my point of view.

When I became a dad I was waiting for this knowledge that my parents seemed to have all of that wisdom they must have been given since they spent my life telling me what was best for me and how I should live.

Imagine the culture shock when I realized that they had none of these things. They like me had no fucking clue what they were doing and honest to god they were just winging it.

The difference between my parents and me? I don't play like I have all the answers. I don't want to be god in my kid's eyes I just want to be Dad. It will make it easier when she realizes I am human like everyone else.

As far as types of punishment they often only work if all parents involved agree and you can get other adults to honor your wishes. IE you tell your kid they can't have another doughnut it's easy to punish them (pick your method) when they ignore you and take one anyway.

How do you discipline them though when another adult ignores you and gives them one anyway.

Any form of discipline is essentially negated when your child learns, "If person A won't do what I want go to person B"

[guywithashovel]

I've felt this way sometimes.

For example, when I was a kid, cell phones were a luxury, and not very many people had them. My aunt had a cell phone that she toted with her all the time, and I thought that was really cool. I looked forward to being an adult and being able to carry around cool stuff like that that kids "couldn't" have.

Now, I'm all grown up and have a cell phone that I carry around with me. Thing is, we've now reached a time when almost everyone has a cell phone. Even most kids have their own cell phones.

Likewise, when I was a teen, the Internet was still a new, luxurious thing. There were still a lot of people who didn't have home Internet access or even home computers. However, most of the adults in my family had their own computers with Internet access, while I had to use Dad's computer to use the Internet at home. For a while, I even had to share his email address before I found out about Hotmail. I looked forward to being an adult and being able to have my own computer and Internet. Now, I'm an adult and have those things, but many kids nowadays have their own computers that they don't have to share with anyone else in the house.

To some extent, I do feel cheated.

[DrFaroohk]

A lot of what I experienced as a kid was "kids are meant to be seen, not heard". Which nowadays seems to be the opposite. "KIDS MUST ALWAYS BE THE CENTER OF ATTENTION!"

I live in a rural area and there's lots of campfires in the warmer months, and nowadays someone has always brought their annoying 12 year old along. It's almost midnight, people are drinking and smoking and talking about adult themes but we have to be discreet because someone who clearly doesn't belong there just had to come.

When I was a kid that was unthinkable! It was expected that no one bring a kid to an adult gathering, because that would put the adults out of their way. No way they're sacrificing their evening for someone who doesn't even belong there!

But these days it almost seems like a sin to leave the kid with a babysitter. We're all supposed to act like we a give a shit about this kids preteen drama that he probably just made up anyway.

Or you have to TALK to them now too. Talk and listen and understand. Where the fuck was this when I was a kid? When my dad sent me to my room, and I countered with "But I didn't do it!" his response was "I didn't ask you if you did it or not. I told you to go to your room."

I just wish all this bullcrap was around when I was that age, that's all. I feel like I dealt with being dirt for most of my childhood, and now that I'm an adult, I'm still dirt. They up and changed the rules on me deah!

[blas87]

I agree to an extent.

It's beyond annoying when you and your date or your friends are going to the newest gore-fest R rated movie, and someone just HAS to bring their baby or toddler along.

Or, you just had another shit-astic week at work, can't wait for a nice romantic dinner with your SO, and you get sat next to a family with shrieking annoying kids.

A few Fridays ago, I had a dinner date with my mom (we do this at least one Friday a month) and there was a table with 3 kids in it next to us. The mom was so busy with her dumb boyfriend that she didn't care that her two boys were running all over the dining room and the little girl was bouncing up and down in the booth until eventually, she fell, bashed her head against the table, then screamed bloody murder for several minutes.

And yes, I also hate it when friends have gatherings or bonfires as we call them, and our friends with kids just have to bring them along. When I used to smoke, I'd have to walk away to do it, so I didn't get smoke around their kids, and we'd have to watch our drinks so that the little ones didn't wander around and grab them, and we had to watch our mouths and it was just stupid. I understand a lot of parents may feel bad or left out because of having kids, but they shouldn't be allowed at these adult events. Get a fucking sitter already.

[Mytical]

See, I am of a very less popular opinion. I believe that the lack of discipline is why things are going down hill. Why there are more SC's, EW's, and why people tend to care about themselves more then others. Now, mind..I am talking discipline, not beating.

My parents never actually had to lay a hand on me. Yes they did the 'go get a switch thing' and such..but that was enough. I feared death less then I did their disapproval. Did they swat my bottom, etc? Yes. However, not once did it hurt anything but my pride. The fact that I disappointed them, that they were angry at me hurt 100x worse.

Some children are fine with just "Go to the corner", others..not so much.

[Sage Blackthorn]

See, I am of a very less popular opinion. I believe that the lack of discipline is why things are going down hill. Why there are more SC's, EW's, and why people tend to care about themselves more then others. Now, mind..I am talking discipline, not beating.

My parents never actually had to lay a hand on me. Yes they did the 'go get a switch thing' and such..but that was enough. I feared death less then I did their disapproval. Did they swat my bottom, etc? Yes. However, not once did it hurt anything but my pride. The fact that I disappointed them, that they were angry at me hurt 100x worse.

Some children are fine with just "Go to the corner", others..not so much.

I tend you agree with you Myt'. When I was growing up, if I did something my parents disapproved of I got a single swat on the butt and sent to my room. The swat got my attention IMMEDIATELY, and the hours spent in my room without TV, or friends, or anything remotely fun was the punishment.

But there was more to it than just that. When I did something I wasn't suppose to, I experienced something unpleasant. When I did something right, I was rewarded with approval. When I saw how my older brother and sister got money for doing chores, I wanted to work too. I learned that "There Ain't No Such Thing As A Free Lunch."

When my parents took me out shopping or to a restaurant, if I misbehaved my mom wouldn't think twice about swatting me on my behind and marching me out of the store in full view of everyone telling not only me, but everyone within earshot how disappointed she was that I was misbehaving. It's was bad enough to misbehave, but to misbehave in public was even worse.

Then I see my nephew, who was disciplined just as all us kids were growing up, but instead of working around the house to earn money, had everything he wanted given to him. He got an X-box, a computer, a cell phone, a DVD player, a color TV......all in his room so when his parents (my sister and her second husband, my nephew's step-father) didn't want to deal with him, they could just send him to his room. Not much of a punishment as it was when I was a child.

As a result, when his family doesn't just give him what he wants, he gets angry and blames all his problems on us. His parents always told him "When you're an adult, you can do what you want." But they failed to instill in him any sense of responsebility for his actions. So he does what he wants, and then blames everyone else when he gets in trouble.

I think whether or not a parent disciplines their child or not is only part of the problem. I've seen parents come in my store who's children are absolute little monsters. One little 5-year-old actually punched his mother in the leg when she told him to stop doing something and yelled "NO!" back at her. When she didn't march him outside and tan his hide, I felt the spirit of my mother, my grandmother, and all my maternal ancestors speaking through me when I looked over my glasses at the child and said "Oh no you did NOT just hit your Mother in MY store young man! I may not be able to spank you myself, but if you EVER do that again I will make sure you NEVER come into MY STORE EVER AGAIN!" The boy's eye's got really wide, and he he cowered behind his mother, behind the same leg that he'd just punched and had a bruised starting to show up. He behaved himself for the rest of the time his mother was shopping, always looking to see if I was watching him.....and I watched that kid like a hawk until they left. He did not misbehave again while he was in the store.

Granted, they never came BACK to my store either. But that's ok too. I can do without misbehaving children OR parents who refuse to control their kids and let them run wild. I like children, I like "well behaved" children, not screaming little monsters who grab whatever they want off the displays and break it, then punch their mom when she tells them "Oh honey, don't do that.".....and then their parents refuse to pay for the broken merchandise....teaching their child that they can do whatever they want and not have to take responsebility for their actions.

I've always felt that a parents primary job is to teach their children to be responsible adults. Adolesence is kind of a probationary period, where children make the mistakes they are bound to and hopefully learn from them. And once they turn 18 it doesn't mean they have attained "adulthood", but that they must start learning how to be an adult, because after that time no one will treat them like a child anymore. If their parents have done their job, then their children know what is expected of them by the society they are born into and it's an easy transition. If their parents haven't, then that kid is in for a world of disappointment....kinda like my nephew.

[Mytical]

As usual Sage put it a lot more eloquently then I could ever have. Sage is good at that . If I learn somebody has been beating a kid, I would be the first one to want them thrown UNDER the jail. Anybody hurting/harming kids I just can not stand. Discipline is another thing entirely.

People say "You don't have to discipline your child to get them to behave". No..you don't have to BEAT a child to get them to behave. I promise you, the little swats on the behind? Those only hurt the pride, but they get the message across. You are doing wrong, stop now. The wail of the child has nothing to do with being hurt.

I am a 6'0 250+ lb guy who really fears no person, but I wouldn't even consider raising my hand to my parents. Ever. They TAUGHT me better. Have they made me mad enough I wanted to tear my hair out. Of course, but not once would I even dream of harming a hair on their head, and woe be to anybody else who tried also.

Abusers are evil..and I am sorry if anybody has ever been abused. GOOD parents can discipline without harm (well maybe not without harming the kids pride ).

Edit : Feel like I should give my own example . See my sister once hired me as a live in babysitter (since I was cheap lol). She was one of those that let the kids get away with anything, and would NEVER discipline them (besides 'time outs', and then she'd cave if they whined enough).

When she asked me to babysit. I said I had only one requirement. If needed I could discipline the kids as I saw fit. She agreed.

Not once did I have to. Sure I wrestled with them, etc..but that was play. When I said something, they did it. Why? Two reasons. 1) They knew I WOULD discipline them. 2) I have a very commanding voice when I want.

One time my nephew hit his mother. I stood up, slowly, and looked at him. He started bawling and apologizing. Just from a look. He never raised his hand to his mother, ever again. I never had to lay a finger on him. Just the knowledge that I was mad at him was enough.