ADD: You have it and you and you and you

[IDrinkaRum]

I will admit, my limited knowledge of autism came from the movie "Rainman". Dustin Hoffman's character was based on a real person with autism. I kept telling my husband that there was nothing really wrong with her, she was just delayed, and I needed to work more with her.

My MIL was convinced my daughter was deaf. (But she responded to my voice and my mother's voice so I knew my MIL was off her rocker).

I've never got the drooling/helmet "excuse" as to why she doesn't have autism.

I really don't understand why a parent would want their child diagnosed as autistic if they don't have to be diagnoses as such. All the preperation, just to get out of the house and into the car (not to mention actually going some place), is just so tiring. Fortunately Child Rum likes to go to places as long as she has Mommy to cling to. Sometimes, she'll just stop because something is bothering her. Or she'll start her perseverancing (is that even a word?). Or she'll do something completely out of the ordinary.

I'm thinking of writing a book (maybe a child's book like "My Brother Charlie" by Holly Robinson Peete & her daughter about their son/brother who has autism). Not sure yet. I'll have to think about it.

But yeah ... if your child doesn't need to be diagnosed with anything autism/add/adhd/whatever-flavor-of-diagnosis-is-up, then don't fool with it. It's more work than it's worth.

[blas87]

Rum, I think a lot of people just don't have a clue how to seperate a child who is naturally clingy to one parent, or loud and hyper, and a child that actually has problems socializing or learning. It's too easy to slap a label.

I work with a guy who was on Ritalin when he was 4 years old, Adderall when he got to be a teen or a little older. He is beyond fucked up. I don't think medicating children their entire lives is helpful, either. This guy is a mess.

[KitterCat]

Don't blame the fucktards with the pseudo-illnesses: Blame the doctors that hyped them up in order to push the pills of the day.

My mother referred to it as "the illness du jour."

I love your mothers term.

Part of its also the schools. Back when ADD/ADHD was coming out as the “medical problem of the week” my brothers school tried to have all three of them put on Ritalin. The school told my parents to take them to their doctor and make the doctor prescribe them Ritalin. Not have them diagnosed, just make the doctor write a prescription.

Given what my father knew of Ritalin from the 70’s he wasn’t about to put them on it. He even pointed out some of the long term effects on the brain to the teachers. The teachers actually told him that it wasn’t a problem, just to put the kids on it and not worry. Out of curiosity my parents did ask the doctor about ADD and were told he couldn’t make an accurate diagnoses until they were older since almost all 4,6* and 8 year old boys acted like they were ADD.

I still hear from other parents about teachers trying to have hyper kids put on some sort of drug because they cant deal with a hyper child. I cant help but think if you take breaks away, take away gym and force a 5 year old to sit in a chare for 8 hours what are you expecting a child to do? They are going to become hyper.

*Mind one of my bothers does have some sort of mental issue. I think its either Autism in one of its lesser forms, a nutritional deficit/allergy or plain mental retardation. Unfortunately my father, while protective of his sons also has the mentality of an 1800 man. He’ll take care of my middle brother, but he’s neglected to get him diagnosed.

[IDrinkaRum]

We've been thinking of medicating Child Rum. Just thinking. Nothing beyond that. We're going to see a neurologist in February, 2011.

Her perseverating, her behavior has gotten to a point where neither one of us can handle it either alone or together. I'm deathly afraid she's going to hurt herself, her dad, or me. (Or the cats or the furniture - not that I care about the furniture per se, but if she hurts the furniture, she could hurt herself).

Her autism teacher isn't for medicating just because she's seen that for most of her autistic kids (as she calls them, not her students, but her kids), it doesn't work.

It's been a month* and I still have to call the behavioral analysis people to see if we can change her behavior with just working with her. Which is what we really want to do, but it's still hard.

You're darned if you and darned if you don't.

And Blas, you're right: some people just don't understand (either intentinally or unintentionally) on how to make a distinction that child X is a clingy child and not autistic, and that child Z is allergic to glutten and needs that removed from his diet and he won't be jumping off everything he can climb.





*That's another thing about me: I have a phobia of calling places and talking to people I don't know. That's why I wait so long to do appointments for myself, my husband, and my daughter. Yes, this bad. Very bad. But ... I panic and garble everything up. Then I have to get off the phone quickly and hide. I try to be better about it, psyche myself up, but sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[Dreamstalker]

I was diagnosed with:

--Depression (that got me put on some meds that I later found out should never be given to children, the doc must have known this at that time)
--Schizophrenia
--Bipolar
--Antisocial personality/psychopathy (really WTF) So I'm not one of the "popular kids". Deal with it. Where the hell did psychopathy come from?
--Depression again (cue another med that didn't help)

Once I got saddled with a psychiatrist who thought that all teens were crazy (I have an imagination because I write and game). She wanted to put me on a high dose of Lithium as well as in an institution...wound up shooting herself in the foot by basically reporting something to my shrink that we knew to be in no way true.

To this day I wonder whether the "drug cocktail" I was on screwed me up more.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was 18, but my most recent neuropsych came back as a nonspecific learning disorder. I don't really fit much of the criteria for anything.

[jedimaster91]

I feel your pain. Recently, the trendy diagnosis has been autism/aspergers. While some of those children may genuinely have it, in a lot of cases it seems to be simply a way to excuse bad parenting by slapping a label on the kid and screeching "He can't help misbehaving in public, he's autistic!"

I wanted to strangle a lady in Sunday School yesterday. Her grandson is autistic. I've met him and he's a nice kid; albiet a little shy. Since I don't interact with him regularly, I can't say if he has the "quirks" or not. Anywho, our lesson was about charity and not being judgemental of others. I shared how annoyed I get with the screaming child who can be heard all through the Super WalMart at 10pm. And she pipes up "the screaming kid might be autistic." Yeah, he might. More likely it's past his bedtime, he's tired, and Mommy won't buy him a toy/candy bar. Just because someone you know has such and such diagnosis doesn't mean every child who screams at the WalMart has autism.

My mother referred to it as "the illness du jour."

One of my psych teachers referred to it as the "pop diagnosis." My generation was ADHD; these days it's autism/aspergers. And while information and understanding of these disorders is helping people who actually have them, they're also being way overdiagnosed. I don't know very many 6 year olds--particuarly boys--who can sit still for very long. That's just how kids are and they need designated "wiggle time."

I've had the "you're a girl so you can't have Aspergers" thing; maybe rarer in girls but that doesn't mean anything. Maybe it's just that doctors are narrowminded and believe that girls can't have it, so they don't diagnose it.

I can't speak for autism/aspergers, but I remember from the aforementioned psych class that ADD manifests differently in boys and girls. And there was a serious underdiganosing in girls because they didn't express the same "symptoms." The DSM-IV actually split ADD into two separate categories (hyperactive and inattentive) to address this. Boys will typically show the inability to sit still and be "hyperactive." Girls, on the other hand, are more daydreamy. So it's possible that autism spectum symptoms are different for boys and girls.



Still, I find it disturbing that those of us who don't quite fit into "social norms" have to have something wrong with us. It cheapens society for those who actually have legitimate issues. Just because I'm not outgoing and prefer books to people doesn't mean I'm antisocial. Just because I retreat into my own little world when I'm stressed doesn't mean I'm autistic. Although I'm sure I could weasel both diagnoses out of a doctor if I wanted to. And who doesn't have anxiety and/or depression these days?

[Rageaholic]

Still, I find it disturbing that those of us who don't quite fit into "social norms" have to have something wrong with us. It cheapens society for those who actually have legitimate issues. Just because I'm not outgoing and prefer books to people doesn't mean I'm antisocial. Just because I retreat into my own little world when I'm stressed doesn't mean I'm autistic. Although I'm sure I could weasel both diagnoses out of a doctor if I wanted to. And who doesn't have anxiety and/or depression these days?

Again, I agree to an extent. I think it's unfair to judge and criticize introverts and assume that their is something wrong with them. But in my case, knowing there was something wrong with me changed my outlook. I was no longer comparing myself to others, and stopped feeling like a failure. Because before then, I just assumed that everyone had the same difficulty I had, but were able to deal with it better than me. Now I realize that's not the case.

Whether it's a diagnosis or not, I think we should be more understanding that not everyone is equally skilled at everything. What's a cakewalk for one person is hell for another. It doesn't mean they aren't trying hard enough, for all we know, it could be a genuine struggle for them. Sadly, too many are quick to judge and criticize others for not being as good as they are.

[Dreamstalker]

Yup. I've run across people whose only 'exposure' to autism/AS is Rain Man and/or brats whose parents use that as an excuse.

I'm not a savant. I don't obsess about one subject for hours on end (unless I'm around like-minded friends). I don't have Tourette's. I'm not mute, I don't mind being touched and I don't scream at random.

I guess that's why I stopped letting people know I'm an Aspie unless they really want/need to know, I'm sick of the armchair/internet shrinks trying to say "but why don't you do XYZ that the internet says you should?"

[Eisa]

*That's another thing about me: I have a phobia of calling places and talking to people I don't know. That's why I wait so long to do appointments for myself, my husband, and my daughter. Yes, this bad. Very bad. But ... I panic and garble everything up. Then I have to get off the phone quickly and hide. I try to be better about it, psyche myself up, but sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

Oh Gawd, so do I. I can't do it. I have to psych myself up for forever, sometimes days, AND hold my teddy bear while I do it. And even then, sometimes I can't, and usually my voice sounds super shaky and like I'm about 5.


Also, girls get more daydreamy? Ohhhh that was me all throughout school. Daydreamed all the time. Even now, I daydream, I can't concentrate and pay attention, and I have to doodle all over my notes to get anywhere close to paying attention in class. OOH SHINY syndrome in spades.

I don't think people understand nonverbal learning disabilities. I took an IQ test to test for dyscalculia, actually...don't really have that, but the disjoint between my verbal score and my nonverbal scores was almost 40 points. But because the nonverbal were still 'technically normal,' the guy was like, "Eh you're fine." Well, no, I'm not fine. Even if you can't officially diagnose me with a NVLD, something is STILL WRONG.

I'm perfectly ok with not getting a proper diagnosis of something if I don't fit all the criteria. But for Chrissake, that doesn't mean everything else magically goes away because I don't have x/y/z. Treat the fucking problem!

[Lace Neil Singer]

To me, getting the diagnosis was a weight off my mind. At last I understood why all thru school, I struggled to understand the other kids; as tho we were all reading from scripts and for some reason, I'd been given the wrong one. Or why I have to work very hard to pass as "normal".

I don't see it as something wrong with me, or a horrible disorder that should be cured at all costs. My Aspergers is part of who I am.

And anyone who doesn't like that can suck it. XD

[Dreamstalker]

I had never heard of Aspergers untill I read the misterious case of the dog in the night (or was it curious?)

I think it was 'curious', I love that book.

Interestingly, all the portions of the neuropsych test that I "should have" tested lower in I nailed (that's me, turning expectations on their heads since 1979 ).

I was on Imipramine at age 9 or 10, something else I can't remember, and resperidone at 16 (that nearly caused a messy accident when I passed out in the scene shop).

[Mytical]

I've only had one official mental issues diagnosed. Chronic Depression. Some things I've just never went to the doctor for, because they just love pills and I want answers not just enough medicine to make me a zombie. Also there is the financial issue, but that is another story.

I am clueless 98% of the time when it comes to 'body language' and/or flirting. Don't read clues or hints very well, and sometimes to get my attention a clue by four might not be enough.

I have what I call Shiny Things Syndrome. Very very easily distracted, not much of a memory, and constantly have about a hundred thoughts bouncing in my head at any one time. Heck sometimes I can't even post what I want, because it comes out way too random.

Fear of very tight places..though for some odd reason elevators do not bother me..at all. Maybe not in them long enough?

A long time ago I suffered from a form of Bezerker like rage. I'd get mad, see red, and then not have a clue what happened. Overcome that for the most part with meditation..but certain things will set it off. Such things like injuries suffered during these times never actually affect me, even when the rage wears off. ((STS Warning)) Reportedly (somebody told me this, I of course don't remember it) me head has been hit into a locker door (school locker) while raged and I didn't even blink.

Back on track now....

However, if I do anything..none of those things are to blame. I am. I make my own choices, and am in control of my actions. Society isn't to blame, video games isn't to blame, poverty (I was really poor when growing up), etc..none of it FORCES me to make a certain decision. Yes, it can make you WANT to make a decision, but in the end..you have to be responsible for your own actions.

[IDrinkaRum]

Depressed Parents and the effect they have on their children

[Rageaholic]

To me, getting the diagnosis was a weight off my mind. At last I understood why all thru school, I struggled to understand the other kids; as tho we were all reading from scripts and for some reason, I'd been given the wrong one. Or why I have to work very hard to pass as "normal".

I don't see it as something wrong with me, or a horrible disorder that should be cured at all costs. My Aspergers is part of who I am.

And anyone who doesn't like that can suck it. XD

Exactly. No one should be ashamed of their diagnosis. It doesn't have to mean that you're a freak. For me, it answered a lot of questions (anxiety) and was also a huge weight off my shoulder. It really changed my outlook on things for the better.

[protege]

Still, I find it disturbing that those of us who don't quite fit into "social norms" have to have something wrong with us. It cheapens society for those who actually have legitimate issues.

I took plenty of shit from most people, simply because I didn't fit into what was accepted as "normal," and as such, I was treated as some sort of outsider. My parents denied that what I was going through was even a problem. Most of my school years were spent at various counselors, and I wasn't exactly willing to trust them. Call me paranoid, but after all the teasing, and name-calling I usually got, I was (and still am) a tough nut to crack. Even if I did let some details emerge, they were ignored by my parents. In fact, I got bitched at, because said counseling was "expensive." Uh, tell me how *any* of this is my fault?

Just because I'm not outgoing and prefer books to people doesn't mean I'm antisocial. Just because I retreat into my own little world when I'm stressed doesn't mean I'm autistic.

Tell that to my dad. To him, I shouldn't have been playing with Legos, my trains, various computer games, etc. Let's see, hang out with people from school and feel like a (miserable) outsider...or be master of my own domain? Thanks, but I'll stay with the Legos.

Of course, things got worse later. Seems that certain relatives got it in their heads, that because I wasn't doing well in school...that I was stupid. If that was true, things would have been easier. I wouldn't have been screamed at for scoring on the far right of the bell-curve on some IQ test, yet not being able to handle "simple" concepts. Never mind that I'd taught *myself* to read, and soon grew tired of the "Dick and Jane" books.

In fact, it wasn't until my junior year of high school that I was finally diagnosed with depression. That came, after a forced meeting with the school counselor. Seems she was concerned after I wrote an essay, basically outlining all the crap I've just posted. My depression was (and occasionally is) bad enough, that I can't concentrate on things. Anyone want to guess who didn't bother apologizing here?

...and now that I've bored everyone to tears, I will say this. "Normal" is boring. It's the reason I see people as nothing better than sheep, or lemmings if you prefer. They're all happily marching along, even when there's a huge cliff in their future. Sorry, but fuck that. "Normal" can kiss my ass. Instead, I'd rather be "naturally goofy," and I'm not afraid to be myself.

I'll also say, that I don't recall using my mental issues as an *excuse* for things. All I've ever asked is for understanding. I can't help the way I am. I also don't consider myself "weak." Those issues, have in fact...made me stronger somehow, and probably explain my "bring it on, bitch" attitude.