Selective memory

[Rapscallion]

I woke up this morning to find that someone had posted a very revisionist version of why they weren't posting any more. It left out quite a number of pertinent details.

Rapscallion

[Ree]

Thanks again for the reinforcement, guys.
As I said, I didn't post this for an ego stroke.
At the time, though, I was really horribly hurt, though, and was really beginning to question my abilities as a mod.

I knew that I was probably going to hear things I didn't want to hear, but I was willing to open a discussion.

I must say I am very surprised at the support, given what I have seen as my reputation.

As I said, for close to 2 years, I have been doing only "housekeeping" type moderating when I can.

It had seemed at that time, that any time I have ever ventured to do anything remotely mod-like with regard to disciplinary moves, it has bitten me in the ass and resulted in complaints.

Without revealing a lot, because, as moderators, we have to keep a lot of stuff confidential, I was accused of being mentally unfit, using my husband's death as an excuse, or just generally attacked and told I was a loser with no life.

I was accused of driving members away from the site because of my heavy hand, or causing some people to want to quit posting because my moderating was crimping their style.

I was even accused of having personal vendettas against certain people.

In one case, because of a misunderstanding by me, and a mistaken perception of me by the member, there was a situation that flared up.
I sent a letter of apology where I recognized that I had totally read something wrong but had it thrown right back at me.
I am still the subject of one of this person's blog entries, accusing me of being mentally unstable and having had a vendetta against them for ages.

There was no mention of their own little public digs at me, that had to be removed for the good of the board, nor their repeated nuisance reporting of my posts over the course of a 24 hour period. There wasn't even a mention of my apology to them, nor my acknowledgemnt of my mistake. All people saw was that this person was the subject of extreme censorship by an admin that backs up a mentally unstable harpie of a mod.

I figured life was too short for this shit, and it was only an internet site, so I sort of stopped caring about a lot of it, as much as I loved CS.

I helped to ensure that we had an awesome moderating team in place, and I just sort of went into hibernate mode. I offered advice and an opinion when asked, but left a lot of the heavy hitting to them.

On occasion, when a new mod also got hit with the tantrum stick, I did step in and try to smooth things, only to have it again come back and bite me in the ass, with accusations against me again. What I saw as my reinforcing that, just because a mod is new, that doesn't mean they are not right, was seen as yet another example of my abusing power.

When I started this thread, I had recently been hit with that accusation again. I was accused of putting a target on their back and having a heavy hand. I had thought I handled a situation gently but firmly, and in the case of the person involved, only a week before had stepped in on moderator capacity to remedy a situation that I felt was putting this very same member in a bad light and causing hurt feelings to them. I received a thanks for my efforts and an acknowledgement that I had read the situation correctly.

A week later, another mod made a small housekeeping decision and sent a breezy little FYI message to the member.
One would have thought we had completely censored this person and removed every one of their posts.

My attempt to smooth the waters was once again seen as an attack.
Things snowballed, and there were other mistaken impressions made, all as a result of this person's behind the scenes behaviour, but rather than see that they may have contributed to that mistaken impression, I have no doubt it was once again taken as my having this person in my sights.
(Yeah, it's ambiguous, I know, but as I said, sometimes things have to stay confidential. I am just trying to give some type of background for those who thought I was looking for accolades for my work.)

Just recently, another situation arose where I am sure a great number of this person's friends are clucking in sympathy for the way big bad Ree alienated this person and made light of their problem.
Again, only half the story has been given, and only enough to put me in a bad light.
A public post by this person airing "dirty laundry" was removed, as per site rules about publicly outing a mod, as was a subsequent post referring to the same situation.

A third unrelated post was left intact.
Rather than make the connection to why those two were removed, but one was left, this was seen as being censored and no longer being allowed to post without moderation.

Moderation is not done lightly, and it is only done when we cannot be sure of the content of the person's posts.
It is usually only temporary, and is often related to the member being in a fragile emotional state for a short time, or angry at the mod team, resulting in questionable posts.

It's much easier for the mod team to not have the posts see the light of day in the first place, rather than have to go back and remove it and do damage control for the site, and it's even done as a protective measure for the member in case something gets posted that they could regret when their emotional state changes.

Once again, in this particular situation, it's selective memory that only a short time ago, this person felt insulted by another member, and the mods stepped in to do some cleanup.

It's still the old case of you're doing a great job as long as you aren't telling me "no".

There are so many times where I wish I could just tell the "mod" side of the story, but as I have already mentioned, there has to be confidentiality or people cannot feel that they have a safe place to vent.

I just hope, when people read a complaint from a member, even if they are a friend, they realize that they may not have the whole picture before concluding that power hungry Ree is at it again.

At no point have I ever claimed to be infallible. I know that I have made mistakes and I have jumped to a mistaken conclusion from time to time. I think there are some members, however, who can attest to the fact that they have actually received an apology via PM when I realized my mistake or that I had read something the wrong way.

I also think there are some members who can attest that I have also sent PM's when I felt a person handled themselves very well on the board, or behaved in a way that made me proud to have them as a member of the site.

I think anyone from the site who has met me can vouch for the fact that I am a pretty decent person. I think even people who haven't met me, but who have interacted with me outside of CS in a social environment can say that I am not as hard as I have been made out to be.
I think that was part of the reason why I was so hurt by all of this and why I considered venting on fratching about it.

[Rageaholic]

I wasn't going to post here because I am still a reletively new member and I don't post on CS as much as I post here. Now I do think that CS is too heavy handed with the moderation. I think the rules are too strict and there's been times when I was frustrated with the decisions. Despite that, I don't CS has been too unreasonable with what they ask of their members. What I mean is, we're not paying for anything and from what I can tell, there's good reasoning behind a lot of these rules. I may not agree with them (as I rarely agree with any strict rules), but I can at least respect them.

So I can't say much on this issue, but I have seen no abusing of power on here. Strict rules, but at least they're applied fairly and give members many chances before banning them.

[Lace Neil Singer]

The way I see it; it's Raps' house. We are invited in and have to abide by his rules and play nicely. If you don't want to play nicely, then you are welcome to open up your own house to others.

After all, if someone came into your house and started treading mud in, throwing rotten fruit at the walls and kicking your puppy, you'd be mad, too.

[Rapscallion]

Since you admin elsewhere, I doubt you'd be surprised at the amount of people who feel entitled to tell you what you will and will not allow.

Doesn't get very far.

Rapscallion

[IDrinkaRum]

I haven't said anything because I'm completely in the dark as to whom the people are who are badmouthing you Ree, and what the posts were/are about.

You were one of the first people to welcome me to CS and I think you're one of the nicest people I've met online.

Just wanted to say that to you.

[JustaCashier]

The way I see it; it's Raps' house. We are invited in and have to abide by his rules and play nicely. If you don't want to play nicely, then you are welcome to open up your own house to others.

After all, if someone came into your house and started treading mud in, throwing rotten fruit at the walls and kicking your puppy, you'd be mad, too.

QFT.

I am not, have never been, and likely will never be a Mod for any online Forum, so can't speak from first hand experience, but just as a Member and regular participant in CS/Fratching, and two other unrelated Forums, I've seen to some degree, where some Members feel slighted, and feel that they are being censored and go all First Amendment on the Admins/Mods asses. And that's just what's been visible on the Forum, as has been mentioned. we non-Mods don't see what goes on behind the scenes.

What really frosts my ass, is when this is pointed out to the "offender" instead of slapping themselves on the forehead, and going "Oh DUH! Never thought of that!" they sometimes continue to harp on how they are being censored, "... it's unfair, and So-and-So isn't treated that way!! ELEVENTY!!!111!"

If any regulars here see yourselves in the ambiguous descriptions that have been shared Shame on you! And grow up! I wouldn't be surprised at such behavior from someone that signs up on CS to just troll and flame. They can just fuck off for all I care. And frankly, I wouldn't give a rat's ass if they fell off the face of the Earth. But to think that some of the people I have come to know and like, (and truly, it's most everyone, there are very few CS'ers that I'd want to give a virtual kick in the nuts to), it's very disheartening, and maddening, to think of them acting that way.

Remember, folks, WE are above that. No, we aren't perfect, and we all have different opinions and values. But, we are Members of CS, to vent, share, and console each other, on dealing with Sucky Customers out there in the real world. We are not here to be "Sucky Customers" ourselves.

Ree, you have often come across to me as one of the stronger willed Mods, and I don't mean that as a negative. From what I've seen, you seem to be fair. What I mean by "stronger willed", it's like saying "....this has to stop!" as opposed to "....C,mon guys let's....." To me, neither style is any better, nor worse than the other. The stronger willed style, I think, may catch people's attention a little quicker. Some may see it as "Ree's being a meanie pants", but I see it as a bit of a wake up, to get the person back in line, and to maybe think about what they said in the first place.

I have a great deal of respect for the entire Admin/Mod Team. The different styles are no different than what we have all dealt with in the terms of Supervisors/Management, in the jobs we've had. There's only one Mod, perhaps the same one blas was referring to, that I thought had let it go to their head, and seemed to be on some sort of power trip. This person doesn't appear to be part of the Mod Team any longer, and doesn't even participate as a Member as far as I can tell.

Mike

[RecoveringKinkoid]

Now I do think that CS is too heavy handed with the moderation. I think the rules are too strict and there's been times when I was frustrated with the decisions........


.....So I can't say much on this issue, but I have seen no abusing of power on here. Strict rules, but at least they're applied fairly and give members many chances before banning them.

You know what? I admit that before I became a moderator over there and saw the kind of thing that was going on backstage, I thought the same exact thing.
But it was not my house, so I simply accepted it as house rules for guests and was happy to be a guest.

In fact, I thought to myself "I don't think I could ever be a mod over here, because sometimes, I just don't see what has got everyone's alarm bells going off."

But then Raps asked if I could do it, and I actually told him my feelings on it. I accepted because I know it takes a lot of work to run a site like that, and that I had gotten so much enjoyment out of the community that I felt duty bound to help out. So I accepted with the caveat that he understand I am a light handed mod (I own a couple other boards, and they are not nearly as strict as CS)

However, after spending some time backstage over there, I can totally see why decisions are made the way they are. Nobody just jumps in and starts throwing their weight around without a great deal of consideration. Discussions and consensus happens. If you don't see the whole picture, it might not make sense. But if you are seeing both sides, it sure does.

Needless to say, I no longer think the rules are too strict and the mods are too heavy.

[Lace Neil Singer]

Since you admin elsewhere, I doubt you'd be surprised at the amount of people who feel entitled to tell you what you will and will not allow.

Doesn't get very far.

Rapscallion

Not in the slightest. XD Especially when it comes to the definition of spam. My definition is that it's stupid pointless annoying messages; other people seem to think it means "Anything cept what I want to post" and get pissy when I disagree with them.

[telecom_goddess]

So I do see both sides of this. On the one hand what gets handed down to people seems unfair and heavy handed.....but on the other hand I've moderated two very active mailing lists and I've run a chat bbs subscription system back in the day when there was not internet per se but just local computer bbses. Mine was one of a few in town that had multiple lines so people could dial in and chat with each other --- progressive for its day. But I ran that whole thing myself with confirming memberships, doing billing stuff, managing the business checking account, and banning or not allowing users as the situation fit. I had to only completely ban one person during that time.....and it was a swift and easy decision to make. So I've been in the moderator's shoes ..in a slightly different fashion.

So yeah I understand both sides.

[blas87]

I may not really have a right to speak of this, being as I was once a real problem member, but I have personally observed that a lot of newer people and the overall attitude lately has shifted into real "knee-jerk" and people still pull the "fail to see the suck" and it's obnoxious. I feel it also tends to go in phases, and it seems there are weeks/months where there is a lot of moderator intervention/action needed/taken and there are times when people are fine.

[Peppergirl]

I may not really have a right to speak of this, being as I was once a real problem member, but I have personally observed that a lot of newer people and the overall attitude lately has shifted into real "knee-jerk" and people still pull the "fail to see the suck" and it's obnoxious. I feel it also tends to go in phases, and it seems there are weeks/months where there is a lot of moderator intervention/action needed/taken and there are times when people are fine.

Of course you have a right to speak of it. And thanks for noticing.

And it's not just your imagination. There definitely DOES seem to be an 'ebb and flow' sort of thing with the board. There is/was alot going on behind the scenes recently, and then it settles down...then something else will happen it it will flare up again.

And of course, some people think we're heavy-handed or overdo it on the nitpicking. Trust me though, if you guys could just get a glimpse of what goes on - things you guys CAN'T see - most people would see it a little differently.

I'll admit at times *I* was guilty of thinking things were overly moderated. Then when I got asked to be a mod and got a peek behind the 'curtain' as it were, I was absolutely FLOORED by some of the behavior I saw.

Don't get me wrong, the vast majority of the membership are a total pleasure and I really appreciate and respect them - but (just like in customer service) there are always a few that really make the job tough sometimes.

The thing that bothers me is that (from a personal perspective), sometimes I *want* to stoop to their level and 'roll around in the mud' and fling poo right back at the people who are insulting or judging us, or hurting someone whom I've come to respect and admire and who I've come to consider a friend.

Trust me - I'm not above *wanting* to shout the real story from the roof tops. But I can't. And I won't. Because it's my job to remain above the fray, and to set an example, no matter how EXCRUCIATINGLY difficult it is sometimes. I don't really care if people give ME shit, but when they insult and hurt people I care about, and twist their words and slant the truth - it REALLY gets my back up.

All of that said, I want to take the time to thank each and every one of you for your kind words. I appreciate and respect that, even if some of you don't always agree with us, the very vast majority of you are always respectful and appreciative of the rules and of us.

Ree, you know how I feel about all of this. I care very deeply about you and I'm angry that you've been hurt. I'll respect any decision you make, but I think I speak for all of us when I say this: The place wouldn't be the same without you.

[Teysa]

I'm not a prolific poster, but I do notice things. With you, Ree, I notice that you're almost always there with a kind word when someone is having problems. Even when you have to put the 'mod hat' on, you're firm but not mean about it.

I agree that both CS and Fratching would be diminished without you. At the same time, you need to do what's best for your own well-being.

[HYHYBT]

I may not really have a right to speak of this, being as I was once a real problem member, but I have personally observed that a lot of newer people and the overall attitude lately has shifted into real "knee-jerk" and people still pull the "fail to see the suck" and it's obnoxious. I feel it also tends to go in phases, and it seems there are weeks/months where there is a lot of moderator intervention/action needed/taken and there are times when people are fine.

Only because you brought it up.... "fail to see the suck" is still an asinine rule that never should have gotten beyond the "what if we...." phase. The logic used to justify it does not hold up, etc. If people don't want to be asked "why is that sucky?" then they shouldn't call things sucky that aren't. But it's your board and your rules

[aurelemsrealm]

Only because you brought it up.... "fail to see the suck" is still an asinine rule that never should have gotten beyond the "what if we...." phase. The logic used to justify it does not hold up, etc. If people don't want to be asked "why is that sucky?" then they shouldn't call things sucky that aren't. But it's your board and your rules

If I may make a point on failing to see the suck, asking why something is sucky for purposes of clarification is not the reason for that particular rule. Failing to see the suck is meant to address instances when an original poster is venting about something that happened, and others chime in to reply that the original poster is whining about nothing because they see the issue differently. Again, ASKING the original poster to clarify a point of confusion is not failing to see the suck, but STATING AN OPINION that said situation did not suck because it would not have bothered you is failing to see the suck.