Thanks for calling me fat mom

[muses_nightmare]

I love my mom to death, she's the only real parent I have (My dad is alive, but I'm not really in contact with him due to some issues), but she drives me up a wall sometimes. She goes off on tangents about weight loss and such. Tonight I was talking to her on the phone about how I'm still looking for a job, one of the things she said was well I was reading something about how thinner people get hired more. Seriously, I'm well aware that I'm not thin by any means, but I'm not some huge slobby fat person (note: I'm not insulting those who are overweight, just commenting on the stereotype of the obese, lazy, slob person).

I haven't exactly been feeling great about myself lately but I don't need to be hearing this from my mom. And she does this kind of stuff all the time, and while she means well it hurts. I don't need to be lectured on the unhealthiness of pop, which by the way I don't drink a heck of a lot of, I'm well aware it's not healthy and that it's empty calories. It's not that she's insulting me, she doesn't call me fat or anything like that, but most times when I talk to her she's going on about some new diet or some such, usually they are something she's planning on doing, but she always wants me to do it with her, which doesn't make sense for me since I cook for both me and my boyfriend and he won't eat certain foods. I've told her to stop it quite a few times, but she goes back to it like it's a habit, and maybe it is.

[Boozy]

Moms can be our harshest critics, and it doesnt always help to know that they mean well.

My mom has never been too bad for this, but on the rare occasion she gets on my case about something, I tell her that I'm happy with my life and we need to change the subject.

You don't have to listen to her criticism if it makes you uncomfortable. If she refuses to change the subject after you firmly tell her to do so, hang up. She'll eventually come to understand that the price of talking to her daughter is to keep her mouth shut about these things.

[Greenday]

My uncle who I don't see that often said it looked like I put on a few pounds when I saw him at dinner the other night. I'd punch most people for making a comment like that.

[guywithashovel]

In the few years after high school, I started gaining some weight. Either my metabolism changed or I was just eating more. Perhaps it was a combination of both. One time, someone I knew came into the place where I worked at the time and patted my stomach and said, "You're gaining some weight. You might need to do some more sit-ups!'

More to the OP, the other day I was talking to my mom on the phone, and I mentioned that I'd gone to some open houses for homes that were up for sale. I'm not seriously shopping for a home right now, but I am trying to learn a little about the process because I'm trying to save up for a house. She proceeded to talk about how I would need to find a house that didn't need a lot of fixing up, because I'm not good at that sort of thing, don't know a whole lot about, that yadda yadda yadda. Then I pointed out that I actually do know some things about home repair, and it's "Yeah, yeah, I know, but you still don't know a whole lot about it . . . that's all I'm saying."

Yeesh, just when I was feeling good about myself.

[muses_nightmare]

Yeah, my so called father used to tell me that I had gained weight practically every time I saw him. Not that that was the reason I'm not talking to him anymore, but it didn't help matters.

My mom likes to "help" look for job postings, the only problem being that she has no idea what she's looking at. I'm a graphic designer, and graphic designer =/= web designer, yes there are graphic designers who do web design, but I didn't learn a lot of coding in school, and web was a whole separate program. Not to mention the fact that the job postings she's finding are ones I've already seen and/or applied to.

[bhskittykatt]

My mom makes similar comments. She has Type II diabetes and doesn't want the same to happen to me. Neither do I, which is why I've lost over 95 lbs and still losing. It is a bit annoying when she brings up stuff like calorie counts, balancing carbs and protein, you know, the basics. Hello? I didn't just magicallyl drop those 95 lbs...I think I have the basics down. No need to lecture me on that!

One thought: if your mom is bringing up diets that she's interested in doing with you, she may be seeking her own support. Perhaps you can support her without joining her. Send her motivating articles or follow up to see how she's doing. That may be all she's really looking for. Moms will be moms, and there will always be unwelcome comments, but it wouldn't hurt to see if you can turn the focus around on her.

[muses_nightmare]

I don't know if it's for her support actually. My mom isn't a heavy woman, Hell she's almost 60 and is in better shape than people I know who are 10 years younger than her. It's something she brings up all the time. There is always some new diet or some such that she's in to, it's been like that my whole life. It's not that I don't support her I just know she's going to find something new the next week.

I just get a bit depressed, I know I'm overweight. I'm not huge, but I'm definitely not skinny. Plus, thanks to my dad's genes , I tend to gain weight in the middle, which is one of the worst places to gain. I just don't need to be reminded of it every time I talk to someone, or every time I eat something. Even if the person means well.

[gremcint]

I ended up telling my mom that my weight was off limits for conversation, it worked after a couple times.

[muses_nightmare]

Yeah I've told her something to that effect, she still tries to sneak it in there. She does the "I know this bothers you when I talk about it but....blah blah blah weight" If you know it bothers me why talk about it?

[Aethian]

I hang up on people that do that. I've told you the topic is off limits, I've warned you that I will hang up. Don't be surprised when I DO hang up.