People who still think I'm "not going to make it" in Texas

[MaggieTheCat]

I'm from Wisconsin. Born and raised for 25 years, in a small town of less than 10,000 people. But I've been living in Texas (in a huge city, no less) for over a year and a half now, and I love it. I love the weather, I love the people, and I love being in a big city.

I realize some people like living in small towns, or in the country, or whatever. But I don't. Now that I've been living in Texas, I've found that I like the city much more than where I'm from. There's so much more to do here.

But apparently some of my friends and family back in Wisconsin still think that this is just a phase for me, and that I'll be coming back to Wisconsin someday.

Just yesterday, my grandmother told my mother that she (grandma) is trying to keep in touch with some of my old friends so that "when Maggie decides to come back, I can tell her who's still in town."

Okay, frankly that's just insulting to me. My grandmother knows perfectly well how happy I am down here; I've told her plenty of times. Hell, I haven't even been back to Wisconsin in over a year, you'd think that would be an indicator that I don't miss it. And yet she still expects that I'll be "coming home" someday.

Sometimes people who knew me will run into my parents and ask the same thing. "So, when is Maggie moving back here?"

I just don't get it. I guess since I'm some country bumpkin girl, I'm not allowed to like or be successful in a big city. Me being in Texas is just a phase that I'll outgrow eventually, and then I'll come back to where I belong.

At least my parents get it. They keep telling everyone who asks that it'll be a cold day in hell when my husband and I (because everyone who asks when I'm moving home always conveniently forgets that I'm married now, as if they expect me to leave my husband and come back to Wisconsin by myself) move to Wisconsin.

[AdminAssistant]

Oh, I get this as well, and I've been away for 4 1/2 years. Actually, when I got engaged to someone living in my home state, everyone assumed that I would leave school and move back home* to be with him. Imagine their shock when he changed jobs and moved up here, because it's important to both of us that I finish my degree. But still, the running assumption is that I'll move back as soon as I graduate. And do....what? I need a job in a theatre department at a college/university and those are pretty slim in good ol' Arkansas. Nevermind the fact that I never want to live in my hometown again...too many damn busybodies who have to know every detail of everybody's life. Where I went to undergrad? Dry county, more Baptist churches than stores. No thank you.

But, the real key is, I've lived for so long this far away from my family...and I kinda like it. I wouldn't mind being close enough that I could visit for the weekend, but no closer. We get along a lot better that way.

* He was living in an entirely different part of the state that I'm from. But as long as it's Arkansas, it's home, apparently.

[Teysa]

I can top you both. I moved to Texas at 14 to be with my mom. Twenty plus years later, my dad still tries to get me to move back to Oklahoma. Hmm, let's see here. How about, NO!

[drunkenwildmage]

My Wife gets that to.. It's been 15 years since she has moved from her hometown (about 5000 ppl), we got married and we bought a house, and she still gets a lot of crap of "When are you moving back?", "isn't life better in the small town", "How can you get by in the big city".. Well, because of all the Medical problems she has, if she was still living in the Small town, chances are she would be dead by now.. If they can't put a band aid on it, or cure it with can of coke your are basically screwed.. their hospital is clueless.. we discovered that of Thanksgiving, when the ER nurse didn't even know how to put on a fraking sling...umm.sorry..got on a little bit of a rant there.. :/ Back to my point..umm..It's normal for everyone who "Escapes" a small town.. ..My wife get's a lot of resentment from both her family, and childhood friends, because she doesn't consider herself part of the town anymore...I know myself, I get targeted with a lot of it, because I'm not the "Outdoor's hunting type", but just some "Geek" who plays with computers all day.

[AdminAssistant]

No, life is not better in a small town. I *know* that my family's situation would be better if they were in a larger community where everyone's not always in everyone else's business. And big cities can be perfectly safe, you just have to have a good bit of common sense and be careful. My current town is the perfect size for me (90,000). I really wouldn't want to go much smaller.

[Kimmik]

One of the thoughts is the hometown thought... you are not suppose to leave your hometown. In your grandmothers eyes you well come home and settle down that is just how things are done... well at least in her mind.

I keep getting you need to move closer to mom...

meh family they love... us or to drive us insane

[blas87]

I have complete faith in you, Maggie my dear!

[BlaqueKatt]

oooo oooo pick me I can answer that one.

I will do so with a little tale...

Katt, Lyss, and Millie were the best of friends in HS.
Katt and Lyss left smalltownville-yes they were terrified of leaving everything they had ever known, but saw it as a challange. Millie didn't leave.

Katt and Lyss both succeeded(for the most part) in their new lives, and enjoyed the change and new surroundings and experiences, Millie kinda didn't, she stagnated.
Millie asks Katt and Lyss "when are you coming back to smalltownville?"
They both respond with, "we'll come visit, but we like where we are."
Millie starts to wonder if she made the wrong choice, as neither Katt nor Lyss have validated her decision that "leaving is bad and scary", and starts to wonder what might have been if she had done the same.

Her friends come back to visit and tell her about the exciting things they've done and seen, while she's just done the same things as always. She gets mad at them and says "you've changed", because they've had experiences she doesn't understand, and is slightly jealous of. She also realizes, that she could have had these same types of experiences, but chose not to. So rather than be mad at herself, or regret her choices, she lashes out at her friends, for not making the same choices she did, and tells herself she made the better choice, and eventually they'll come back to smalltownville and prove her right.

Millie refuses to even visit Katt or Lyss because she's afraid if she sees that they are actually happy and not just "misguided" as she tells herself, she may realize they were right to leave, and now after almost 20 years it's too late.


Human nature-it's a bitch.

*and for the record-Millie sees herself as the "country bumpkin" Lyss and I don't, we made the choices we did, and Millie made hers, none of our choices are any better or any worse, we made them with the information we had, and decided what was best for us. Sadly a fourth friend, Kelly keeps trying to pull Millie out to the city to "see what she's missing", rather than respect that Millie doesn't want to.

[Rageaholic]

I currently live in a suburb of a major city, but I could definately see myself living in a city downtown (well, maybe not a metropolis, but a big enough city). I just love the tall buildings, street live, and craziness you get in cities. I would miss that in a small town.

[guywithashovel]

I live in a "big city" right now. I put that in quotes because some people don't consider Columbus, Ohio to be a big city. Granted, it's not as big as Chicago or New York, but we do have a sizable downtown area with skyscrapers, and our population is about 773,000. It's definitely not a small town. I can say that.

I was born here, but my family moved to a small rural town when I was 9, and that was where I grew up. I liked it there. There are some advantages to living in both types of places, but for now, I like being in a bigger town. I like that people aren't in your business all the time.

Plus, small town life is romanticized quite a bit. It's not as ideal as many people make it out to be. They may have "less crime," but that's usually because of lower population. Plus, in small towns, things often get swept under the rug if you are friends/family with the right people. Also, in the town I grew up in, there were about three prominent families that pretty much "ran" the town.

Living in a bigger city really isn't hard, and most of them are pretty safe. The laws are pretty much the same. The driving rules are the same. Though there is more traffic. That gets annoying sometimes.

[Ladeeda]

Families always want to keep you near. I'm planning to move to New York in the near future, and hope to do it without letting the bulk of my family know until I'm on my way. I do NOT need a year of "Oh, it's so expensive", "You don't know anyone there' (I do), and whatever else.

I live in a city now, but not one I like. Also, most of my family is on this coast, and I can't stand most of my family. ^^

[ExRetailDrone]

I grew up in a small town. I was fine with it when I was a kid, but as I grew up it became more and more boring. Also, my dad is from Chicago, so my parents and I would take trips there at least once a year to visit that side of the family, so I got plenty of tastes of the big city as I was growing up. I saw the differences and realized that there just wasn't anything to do in my small hometown, especially since I'm not into hunting or fishing or winter sports. I like doing some outdoorsy things... in the summer. Unfortunately, my hometown is lucky if it gets 4 months of nice weather a year. That's just not enough for me.

I went to a university 400 miles southeast of my hometown once I graduated high school, even though my parents tried to talk me into going to the local university for at least the first year or two. Even though it wasn't as good of a school. I refused and was on my way, and I fell in love with the bigger city life (Ann Arbor, MI). I wasn't ready for college at the time, so I really don't think I would have flourished anywhere at that point in my life, due to depression and other issues. I didn't make it through school at that time, but I lived there for a year after dropping out of school and did just fine. My boyfriend at the time, who was from around my hometown - I had met him while I was home in between leaving school and moving back - couldn't understand why I liked it there. He 'tried' moving there, if you can call it that, but he was just too much of a small town person - which is fine, but it's just not for me. I still ended up moving back, which I'm glad for because I eventually met my husband, but now we're both trying to escape.

My grandmother doesn't understand, either. My husband and I moved away again for a few months, but then he got a job in another small town 3 hours away from my hometown. My grandmother told me that it's such a blessing that we're back and blah, blah, blah. I didn't have the heart to be blunt and tell her that both my husband and I hate it here and can't wait to move. There's practically no opportunities, and the ones there are don't pay nearly enough for us to support ourselves as well as save a little. Plus, we still have to deal with the nasty winters, which neither of us like. We just hermitize all winter, which isn't healthy for us.

At least my parents seem to understand - if not, they still are supportive of us and our plans. My mom has even told me that once my husband and I move away and her mother passes away, there would be no reason she would want to stick around, either. I don't think they'd move back to a big city like where they lived after getting married, but I could see them moving someplace closer to a big city with milder winters and such.

I'm rambling again. I guess all this comes down to - I can empathize. I'm sorry that your family can't accept that what's right for them isn't right for you. I give you huge kudos for finding what makes you happy and sticking to it, regardless of what your family might say or think. After all, when all is said and done, only you can know what the best course of action is for your future and your happiness. No one else should try to butt in and change your direction because it makes them feel bad or whatever, because it has nothing to do with them.