I don't care if it makes you uncomfortable

[Eisa]

This is a little rant that has been building up for a while, and to be honest, it's a little bit of a way to procrastinate about writing my Sociolinguistics research paper that's due Monday. Hey, it's supposed to be ten pages, I'm on the sixth. I'm not procrastinating too terribly.

Anyway. I don't exactly keep it a secret I've been abused and assaulted. Why should I feel ashamed of it? I'm not the one who DID it. But I've noticed increasingly how much it makes people uncomfortable to talk about. And I don't mean that I'm just randomly accosting strangers and assailing them with intimate details of being molested. I mean, people who are there, who are supposed to be my friends, who said they would be supportive.

But they wince even hearing me say, "Hey I was abused." They don't want to hear it. It makes them uncomfortable. And it annoys the fuck out of me. Sometimes I NEED to talk about it. Not just write it down in a private journal, but have someone else react to what I have to say and what happened.

And if they think it's uncomfortable just to hear and talk about...they should have tried living through it.

[RootedPhoenix]

I'm sorry; they suck. *offers cookies and hugs and comfort*

It may well be uncomfortable, but so what? LIFE IS MESSY! It's chock full of discomfort and pain. If someone thinks that life is only full of unicorns, rainbows, and fluffy bunnies....they are just..(enter insult of choice here).

It needs to be discussed, and if they didn't want to hear of it, they shouldn't have offered their ears/support/whatever.

And even though I had nothing to do with what happened to you, I'm sorry. Nobody needs that crap. *offers comfort again*

[Cats]

To play Devil's Advocate here, it may be that they do indeed wish to be supportive, but have no idea HOW, and the thought of failing to deliver may be what's uncomfortable, and not the subject matter itself.

I know that when one of my friends needs my support, I feel bad if I can't think of what to say that might help, even if I know all they wanted was someone to listen. I always feel I should say SOMETHING, and I feel like a terrible friend otherwise.

[Kimmik]

You may need to sit down with them and explain how they can help. I did that when my son died... I told my friends that all they needed to do to help me is not give up on me and just listen. Same thing I told my friends after my first ex... you don't have to do a thing but listen and hold me when I am falling.

[Aethian]

I wrote something, read it over half a dozen times and then needed to change it.

If you don't care about making your friends uncomfortable then you are NOT a friend. A friend does NOT keep bringing up something that another friend can not mentally handle. If you feel you need to talk about being abused then there are SEVERAL places out there of which to talk about what happened.

And before this is thrown off as someone who was never abused... I WAS abused. In my freshman year of high school I was almost killed by my abuser. I have friends who I can talk to about this if it comes up to me and I have some who I know I can't even dance around the subject for.

[Eisa]

If someone can't handle it, I don't bring it up again. It just hurts when someone knows a little bit in general, SAYS that they will be supportive, acts like "oh you can tell me anything honey, I'm so sorry that happened to you," and then when I try because I'm going out of my mind is like..."Oh. Um. Ok. I'm uh...sorry?" I don't ask for that much. Just for them to actually listen to it. But nope. When I was in therapy, it even made my therapist too uncomfortable to really talk about it. Except for how later, he then wanted me to write down all the details. Uh...no.

I guess maybe it wouldn't bother me so much, except for how almost every single person I know has done this to me. So basically my life is too "uncomfortable" to hear about. It's like...gee, I'm so sorry. If I'd realized trying to ask for support would be so bothersome, I'd have asked people not to hurt me so much. You're right, I apologize.

Never mind the people who have told me it was my fault...hello people who aren't my friends anymore!

Bitter? Oh, yes. I've survived horrific things and now I can't even talk about them with people I know. Online support forums are great, but it's not like I'm ever going to meet someone in Australia or the UK. Then again, they seem to be the only people who understand at all.


Edit: Also, it doesn't seem to be just that they don't know what to say. They very much "don't want to hear about it."

[Rageaholic]

To play Devil's Advocate here, it may be that they do indeed wish to be supportive, but have no idea HOW, and the thought of failing to deliver may be what's uncomfortable, and not the subject matter itself.

I know that when one of my friends needs my support, I feel bad if I can't think of what to say that might help, even if I know all they wanted was someone to listen. I always feel I should say SOMETHING, and I feel like a terrible friend otherwise.

I think that's why they could be uncomfortable. I know there are many subjects that I just don't know how to respond to. Okay, social anxiety could play a part in that, but I think it's pretty common to freeze up when someone brings up a subject like that.

[aurelemsrealm]

I can understand being frustrated when you get this type of reaction from a trained professional like a therapist. If the subject makes the therapist too uncomfortable to discuss it, then I would consider that problematic. A suitable therapist should be able to provide guidance in an impartial and objective manner.

Aside from that instance, I think it's a different matter when dealing with family, friends, and others who may not necessarily be trained to handle such discussions. They may want to be there for you, but are not sure how to help. I think it's important to keep in mind that your emotional state during such times is going to influence your perception of everything else. The people you have called upon in that case may not be equipped to provide the support you need.

[Eisa]

Yeah, that's kind of made me go "ok fuck therapy." Which is...ironic, considering I want to BE a clinical psychologist.

I do know that, but I wish they'd say that. Instead of going "oh you're too uncomfortable, this is too much," they could say, "I don't know how I can really help you, but I'm here for you" or whatever. Instead of just slagging me off. If that makes any sense, I don't know, I'm kinda tired lol.