Throw It Away!

[blas87]

Didn't want to jack Maggie's thread of throwing away stuff.

Now, I don't mean to be cruel towards people who have an honest disorder where they cannot throw stuff away, like the people you see on those TV shows, I understand that it is a real problem for some people and they need help.

But I still can't help but use terms like "hoarder" and "packrat" to describe my parents, especially my dad, and "mini hoarder" for myself, because I am already showing signs of doing the same thing, just for different reasons. I'm lazy. No disorder or attachment or feeling adament that I will use it some other day, just lazy.

For instance, right now I have a huge table that takes up nearly my entire kitchen (it's a small kitchen anyway) and a giant loveseat from the 70s that once belonged to my Nanna and Gumpa (deceased great grandparents).

This also ties in with my "I am still 12" thread, because my parents actually forced me to keep the leaf and all the chairs that go with that damn table (really, have you ever put 8 people in a 2 bedroom apartment? No, dad, no matter what you protest, I will never have that many people over here at one time.) so 4 of them are in my spare bedroom because there is only room for 2 of them in the kitchen. I really did want that loveseat at first, until I saw how bad of shape it's in. I put a comforter over it and do my best to camoflauge it because it looks like it needs to be burned. It sat in Nanna's basement for years and it was given to me full of dust and whatnot, my dad did clean it out but it's still just a rotten piece of furniture.

And I am ABSOLUTELY FORBIDDEN to get rid of this stuff. If I don't want it, I have to give it back to the family. When I first got the furniture (I also have a large vanity, but that's still useable and quite cool looking) my grandpa threatened me with my own freaking life and status as his grand-daughter that if I trashed the furniture or donated it and he found out, he'd disown me because this stuff is "family heirlooms" and it doesn't belong in any secondhand store or in any garbage.

Well first of all, I cannot lift that table or that freaking loveseat that my bodybuilding boyfriend can't even pick up on his own, so forget trashing it. I'm too poor to pay someone to do it, so no worries there.

Second of all...family heirlooms? If they are so important, why did they sit in a basement for several years (collecting TONS of dust) while no one but my parents could be bothered to visit and care for Nanna in her last years of life? All of the furniture, save for the vanity is ancient, not sturdy, smells and just isn't even worth it.

I hardly think that my deceased great grandparents would roll over in their graves if we got rid of this furniture.

Oh, woops....third of all....guess where the furniture would end up if I gave it back? My parents' basement.....until the day my mom would get so upset with it taking up space and being just a place to throw shit, that she'd MAKE Dad throw it away or burn it.

What's even better is this past summer, my A/C, which also was given to me from my Nanna's old house (that unit was easily as old as me if not older and weighed at least 100 pounds), finally shit the bit. When Dad came to get it, I assumed he was going to recycle it for me or take it to the proper place to dispose of it.

It's at my parents' house in the fucking basement. An A/C unit that will NEVER work again.

My microwave that was my grandma's for several years (dad's mom, not Nanna) finally died two Mondays ago.....Dad is coming to get it from me tomorrow because it's too heavy for me to lift (it's from probably the early 90s, I can pick it up but I can't take it very far, trust me, at this point if I could lift it and take it somewhere myself, I would). Where is it going? IN THE BASEMENT so that Dad can try to fix it and keep it working. Although, just like with the A/C, it has been left untouched since it was dumped down in the basement, and will just sit there until Mom screams about it.

I love my Dad, I do. He is the best man in my life. But he has issues with letting stuff pile up and not getting rid of it. What really sucks is earlier this past spring, my mom exploded on my dad that he was not going to use the basement as storage for garbage anymore and that he was not going to continue his family's tradition of hoarding because of what they both went through with cleaning Nanna's house (Nanna is my mom's grandma) and how long it took and how messy everything was and how stuff just sat there for years and rotted away. Dad and my brother cleaned out the entire basement and my mom made them throw away all kinds of stuff that had been there since we moved in 2003. The basement was doing great until probably later in the summer when Dad started it again.

Dad's problem is that he always thinks stuff can be fixed and re-used or you never know when you may need it, so save it. Waste not, want not. But he also procrastinates and forgets about just how much crap he has, and it accumulates and never gets touched.

Mom's family's problem is that they are so attached to stuff and label absolute trash and rotten furniture and other stuff as "family heirlooms" that they will just keep handing it down generation to generation until it completely falls apart or if the house burns down and takes it with it. Oh, what's even better than that is that no matter how valueable or how much of an "heirloom" they think it is, it always ends up just sitting in a basement or someone's spare room or somewhere left to rot as well.

Oh, I forgot something else. Grandpa (mom's dad) actually had a bunch of stuff in my parents' basement as well from Nanna's place. What happened after she died was they read the Will and then amongst themselves, the kids and grandkids decided who got what......then anything they fought over was put into a lottery and they picked who got what that way. Grandpa had personally throw a tantrum over a bunch of stuff of Gumpa's that he HAD to have. So, he flew here from the other side of the country to clean up Nanna's house and take what he wanted......and he stashed it at my parents' basement, promising to come back with a U-Haul in a few months and get it. It was over a YEAR later that my mom lost it and said if he didn't come by, she would throw that stuff away or recycle it. Grandpa threatened her as well with the "family heirloom" tirade and threatened to disown her, but ended up driving here anyway in his small pickup truck and only took about half of what he originally took from the old house. So some of that stuff is still there, because Mom is a little afraid of throwing it away, but she has somewhat threatened that if he isn't back sometime in 2011 to get the rest, she will get rid of it no matter what he claims he'll do to her. We'll just see.

[AdminAssistant]

There are only two reasons to keep old stuff: 1) Functionality (it's still usable) or 2) genuine emotional attachment (Grandma's brooch, Papa's clock, etc). My grandmother and her twin sister were both hoarders. We visited Grandma often enough that we could keep it in check. But my great-aunt was a mean, nasty, old shrew, so we only saw her once a year or so. Her house (actually, my great-grandparents' house) was *full* of crap. I don't know how much crap we threw out. We did look through it and saved pictures, jewelry, some old books, etc. But most of it was just crap. With them I can kinda understand...growing up on a farm during the Dust Bowl and then the Great Depression would make a person want to cling to things.

But we found teeth and hair. Polaroids of dead people. Newspapers and catalogs from decades ago. And by the time we got to the attic to things that had actual value (quilts and such) they were trashed because of the mice and the birds and the snakes that had lived in it. The only really nice thing we were able to rescue was my great-grandmother's pedal sewing machine.

I don't let trash accumulate in my apartment. I do have too many books, but that's research, dammit. I won't put my kids through those weeks of hell cleaning out my great-aunt's house, or the who-knows-how-long it will take for my sister and I to sort out our parents' house one day.

[HYHYBT]

There are only two reasons to keep old stuff: 1) Functionality (it's still usable) or 2) genuine emotional attachment (Grandma's brooch, Papa's clock, etc).

Well... not quite, though I suppose you could squeeze other reasons into "functionality" if you really wanted to. I have five (so far) typewriters, a mechanical cash register, and an early electric adding machine. While most of them do, technically, still work, they're not particularly useful. And while I did acquire them from family, some of whom have passed away, there's not a lot of that kind of emotional attachment. I just find them interesting.

Other items are strictly decorative, but that is, in a sense, a function.

As for furniture... that it's in storage does NOT necessarily mean there is no legitimate attachment to it, or that it's not really wanted. It just means that it's not needed for use right now, and if the family wants it back, why *not* let them have it, basement or not, rather than throwing it away? I know that, in my family, right now there's an extra dining table and chairs. Nice ones. They're stored in Dad's "barn" (you wouldn't believe it if you saw it) not because nobody likes them (just the opposite!) but because nobody right now has an appropriate place to use them that isn't already occupied. If anyone ever needs it, or perhaps wishes to switch it for what they're now using, it's there... and that works out well for everybody.

If it were broken or nasty, that would be different.

[powerboy]

My mother is like that. She will keep just about everything, because you know when we might need it. Plates, Glasses, Silverware I can see keeping. But if the toaster is broken, then toss it. Trust me, if I knew how to fix it, it would have been fixed. My Grandmother is the same as my mother.

My dad on the other hand, is just like me. If it is broken, then toss it. We can buy another better one.

[Greenday]

Gotta do what my mom did: throw a lil bit away at a time. She hasn't done it lately that I know of but she did throw away a bunch of stuff and my stepdad to this day has no idea, mainly because he'd never even be able to list 10% of the stuff in the basement.

[blas87]

My resolution is to be cleaner and more organized, and that means my apartment. And my plan of attack is little by little, day by day. And then to never let stuff accumulate like this ever again, and to not be lazy and make excuses why I can't spend 5 minutes a day spiffing the place a tad to prevent this mess.

I really have to ask you HYHYBT, why keep something you don't have room for or need for right now? That line of thinking is just as bad as my grandfather's, he absolutely has to hold on to stuff that belonged to family, but he hasn't any room for it, so it stays in storage or in a basement. With my father, he thinks everything can be fixed or still used, and it piles and piles up.

And you can challenge me or refuse to believe me if you want, but in my opinion, the table is not that great and the loveseat is trash. Read Admin's story again, the part about mice/creatures getting into it. I have no doubt that critters took residence in this thing at one time while it sat. I was expecting a litter of baby mice to come running out of it when I first tried to take the hide-a-bed out. The loveseat needs to be trashed or burned. There is no reason to keep it. Just because it belonged to a deceased family member does not mean that it must go on for generations, or that it's shaming or dishonoring the family to trash it or give it away. And the "family" part is what burns me the most. Like it's just the most offensive and disrespectful thing to do, throwing away something once owned by a dead family member. Sorry, but that loveseat is not going to sit in my apartment or my future homes so that my children can have it and their children can have it.

[tabbyblack13]

On my mother's side of the family there was the same issue. My grandpa was at least 20 years older then my grandma and he ended up passing some time in the late 80s. To fill her time my grandma would shop on QVC and other home shopping networks and just keep it around. When she passed a few years ago my parents and my aunt and uncle had to go through everything.

It was horrible. Everything was piled up in the basement. There where items that were never opened or used. All of grandpa's tools where rusting or not even usable in the garage. It was really sad to hear about because I remember my grandparents in a better light then this. In the end my mom had her two car garage filled with left over clothes, tools, and random objects over a year later.

Personally I think all of the objects that she had was to fill a void in her life. To get rid of the objects is to make the void bigger. This is the instance that hoarding becomes mental issue. A lot of people are susceptible to this because of tragedy or loneliness in their lives.

As for being lazy and not wanting to clean; that is my issue. I will admit that I can lazy at times. This will also affect my desire to get rid of things too. I will start a pile of items to get rid of and it will just keep growing until it takes up half of a closet before I start to think of getting rid of it. It's something I am constantly battling with. An attempt on my end has been made to keep a cleaning schedule. If I can keep up a schedule, I find it easier to keep everything clean.

[HYHYBT]

I really have to ask you HYHYBT, why keep something you don't have room for or need for right now?

Why SHOULDN'T we keep something that is nice and in good condition, which we all like, which is not in the way, which has very little resale value, and which could very easily be useful in the future? Again, if it were nasty, broken, or ugly, that would be different... but even at that, I see no reason it would be my business to stop someone else whom I do not live with from keeping it if they wanted to.

[protege]

To fill her time my grandma would shop on QVC and other home shopping networks and just keep it around. When she passed a few years ago my parents and my aunt and uncle had to go through everything.

My great-grandmother was like that. For the last 20 years or so of her life (she died at 103!), her mind was going. She spent about half the year in Florida, the other half with my dad's parents across town. While in Florida, she went to garage sales. For months, she'd send back boxes of crap. By boxes... I mean *shipping* crates There was so much shit, her bedroom was packed--narrow aisles to the bed and closet, but that wasn't all of it. There were boxes of junk in the storeroom under their garage, stacked up in the garage, most basement closets, and even under the ping-pong table!

I could have possibly understood if it was usable stuff, but most of it was junk. Old paperbacks, bottles, costume jewelry, and shoes made up the bulk of the haul. For years, my father and I hauled that crap out of the house (since great-grandma had moved up to an aunt's in Maine)...and sold that shit at garage sales. I lost count how many boxes were shifted, and how many times we filled up the station wagon. What didn't sell...got tossed. Dad grew tired of having to store that crap, and the last garage sale was held in '93. Surprisingly, my great-grandmother never even noticed that all her shit was gone...

Another "collection of interesting things" was at my mother's parents' farm. My grandfather, was a bit of a collector. That is, when things would break, rather than fix them...they'd get shoved into one of the outbuildings. The building that later housed my trains (and workshop) was stuffed with all sorts of things when I was younger. Most of it was boxed-up records from the family business (feed store), but there were tractor and car parts (for cars that had long since been sold), old furniture, farm implements...to name a few. Tools were another favorite--Grandpa was of the type that if he lost something, he'd just buy another.

I was there the first weekend after he died, and was amazed at the amount of crap still around. Grandma had already cleared out some of the buildings, but there was a surprising amount of stuff still around. Once again, Dad and I filled up the station wagon multiple times, and sold off things. We kept all the important stuff--photos, some of the feed store records, the tools (of course), and his personal effects...and a single hubcap from a 1954 Olds, which currently hangs in my garage

Speaking of my garage, it too is a mess. I'm a bit of a pack rat. I don't keep garbage around, but there is some scrap wood, lots of nuts and bolts, and various repair items around. I tend to save what can be reused, or what I can repair and reuse. Also nearby, are a few service items (bulbs, spark plugs, ignition points, etc.) for the MG. But, since I'm heavily into models...there's all the hobby-related stuff as well. With all that, it's no wonder my basement is a mess

[daleduke17]

My Grandmother is a hoarder. She moved from her big two story house in 2006 shortly after Grandpa died. Even though she had an auction and tossed a bunch of stuff, her house is a complete wreck. It has gotten to the point recently that my parents have said if there isn't a noticeable change in how the house looks by the end of January, then we're coming in and cleaning it up. Her car is just as bad. I told my mom one day that if I have to take that car somewhere, then first it is getting cleaned out. You cannot see the backseat and can barely get a passenger in the front (it's bad enough that I seriously think the bed of my truck is cleaner than the inside of her car).

[blas87]

My dad's parents were born in 1912 and 1919, although Grandma is not much of a packrat, I've heard Grandpa was just terrible, and he passed it on to his sons from his first marriage (his first wife died). My dad's three brothers from Grandpa's first marriage are farmers/country dwellers with really big hoarding problems. The younger one isn't as bad because he doesn't have sheds and silos to put stuff in like the other two, and my Dad probably just inherited that "keep it" gene from them.

[telecom_goddess]

omg what an interesting thread....btw blas my mom was born in 1920 which shows how old she was lol. My mom was a bit of a hoarder...she would keep the stupidest things like every pill bottle she ever had.....why? She wasn't too bad though I guess. I can NOT hoard anything, I have to have my place clean and tidy or I just can't stand it. I watch those hoarder shows and just don't get how they can live like that!

[tabbyblack13]

I watch those hoarder shows and just don't get how they can live like that!

I do know know either but after watching one of those shows makes me want to clean and sort everything in my house. Clean House is also another program that makes me want to clean really bad.

[Andara Bledin]

I watch those hoarder shows and just don't get how they can live like that!

It starts off as just a bit of clutter. Nothing major. Over time it builds up.

Eventually, it gets to a point where the people who should deal with it have become so overwhelmed by its very existence, that they can't even comprehend it anymore, and so they stop seeing it the way outsiders would.

^-.-^

[telecom_goddess]

I do know know either but after watching one of those shows makes me want to clean and sort everything in my house. Clean House is also another program that makes me want to clean really bad.

Me too....even though it's already clean I want to clean it more lol.