Anger and hate at politeness

[Mytical]

Ok, I admit it..I am old fashion in somethings. Never raise a hand to a woman unless my or somebody else life is in immediate danger, open doors, give up seats. Yeah..I am a bit of a throwback. However, I am polite and nice to everybody.

What gets me is the looks, the attitude, and the hate that this can cause. I just don't get it.

If I had a dime for each time I got a look of hate for opening a door for somebody (here's a hint, I do this for EVERYBODY..but for some reason it's the females that give me the hate for it) I'd be rich. If I added a dime for the confused looks when I say please and thank you..I'd probably be able to afford my own private island by now.

I've been slapped for daring to open a door for a female. I've been called the fancy word for male pig (can't spell it sorry). Had soda/water/whatever the heck was in that cup thrown in my face..listen..you don't want to use the door I am opening fine. Just say so. I'll walk through it without a second thought. I'll hold it open for the guy behind you also, it is not a gender biased thing. It is being POLITE.

You don't want me to hold a door, or give up my seat, or hold your chair for you..just say so. Since I am polite, I will treat you how you want to be treated..that is only polite right?

*mischievous grin* heck .. if you ask ..I'll pull your chair out from under you and sit in it myself. It would be rude not to if asked.

[powerboy]

I am the same way. But I am lucky, I never had a problem. I did surprise an older couple. I ran past them, just to open the door for them. Got a compliment for it .

[Gravekeeper]

...you live in a city full of rather miserable excuses for people, don't you? -.-

Up here opening a door for a female nets me a baffled look of pleasent surprise and you get an odd look if you *don't* say please and thank you...

[Teysa]

Sheesh. If someone, male or female, is nice enough to hold a door open for me, I smile and tell them thank you. If a man holds the door open I don't just assume he's doing so because I'm a poor, weak, little girl, who can't even open a door without a big, strong man.

I'm also the type to hold the door for people if I see their arms are full. When I rode the bus on a regular basis, I'd give up my seat for someone who needed it more. It's simply being nice. Besides, I'm blessed enough to be in decent health and able bodied. It won't kill me to stand for a few minutes.

[kibbles]

I sincerely hope you filed assault charges on the miserable excuses for human beings that slapped and threw stuff at you??

[Mytical]

I wish I could say I filed charges, but I am a turn the other cheek type person when it comes to myself. Until yesterday it had been years since I had gotten this extreme of reaction. The majority of people are pleasant and I do get thanked from time to time. Then out of the blue I am wearing a drink for trying to be nice.

[kibbles]

I'm sorry that happened to you Mytical..but I am sure these creatures acted stupid one too many times and ended up with charges against them.

[DrFaroohk]

I have that same problem with being polite to my superiors, for instance my boss at a job. I'm old fashioned, I was raised to respect my elders and to me, my boss is Mr. Wilkinson, or Ms. Farnsworth, or just Sir or Ma'am. It's how I think of them, anyway, because if I DARE to call them that, I get dirty looks like "Are you mocking me motherfucker? I'LL KILL YOU!"

[blas87]

I see that a thread of similar nature got closed at CS.

While I have the opposite problem, random men refusing to go into a door I hold open for them (and no, I don't buy the armchair or "flip side" excuse that they just want to go into a door that isn't open already or it has to do with what their dominant hand and direction are, they are just being assholes plain and simple), I'll still open doors for people when I can. It's the right thing to do.

I still can't wrap my head around men being so proud of themselves and such assholes that if a young lady dare try and open a door for them, they just totally ignore or avoid her and immediately rush into the other door instead.

[Ladeeda]

The reactions to simple courtesy are disgusting.

I'm also one of the young ladies who will hold open a door to let someone through. Usually it's more holding it open behind me so the person close on my heels doesn't have to yank it open themselves, but in the cases of an elderly person, I'll let them go first.

The good thing about the elderly are they usually WERE raised with proper manners regarding such things, and seem impressed that someone my age is that polite.

I get doors held open for me often, since a lot of places I go to have high traffic in and out. A smile and sincere word of thanks takes a LOT less time than ripping into someone for DARING to inflict their manners on you.

[blas87]

I feel the same way, Ladeeda.

I am equal opportunity and I hold doors open for anyone of any age, gender or race, and I get the most flack from men. Now, men who are much older appreciate the gesture, most women appreciate it, handicapped people are over the moon with joy over it......but men from a little older than me to about my father's age.....most of them just avoid me and go in the other door if it's a double door.

I just do it because I think it's rude to only open the door just so you can get in, and let it shut in someone's face or for them to have to open it all the way back up because you just scurried yourself right outside.

[ExRetailDrone]

I have never understood this mindset where people get all offended when someone is polite to them. My husband holds doors all the time, and he's told me of stories of getting dirty looks and snide comments from people just for being polite. That's bad enough, but I can't even fathom some of the reactions you've received, Mytical! That is utterly absurd!

I will also hold doors open for people, regardless of age or gender or what-have-you. I was raised with manners. Imagine that! Luckily, I don't ever recall getting any kind of rude attitude back. I might not always receive a smile or a thank you, but I'm fine with that.

Some people need to get over themselves and realize that it's not meant as an offensive gesture when someone is nice to them. I know this world is a whole lot of messed up when people find offense in polite actions

[Lace Neil Singer]

The problem isn't feminists, but the minority that I call feminazis, who seem to actively hate men. They're the ones who attack not the ones who deserve attacks, but the polite men who do things out of civility; open doors for example, or let them have a seat on the bus. I don't understand this attitude, personally, and it gives all feminists a bad name.

If anyone opens a door for me, I'm happy. Same goes for anyone letting me go first, opening car doors, or letting me have a seat. It's not condescending; it's common politeness which sadly isn't as common as it should be.

[HYHYBT]

First, a big AMEN! to the whole thread!

With just one caveat: if the person holding the door open is also *standing in the doorway* then I will take the other one rather than trying to squeeze through. Yes, people do that.

When several people are approaching a door at about the same time (and it's not an endless stream of people or a line you're getting in on the other side) it gets everyone (the whole group, obviously not each individual) in fastest if the first holds the door for everybody and goes in last, rather than everyone slowing down to "pass" the door to the next person. So I'll walk a bit faster and do that.

[AdminAssistant]

To this day, I tend to use "sir" and "ma'am" with 'elders' or people I respect. Gets me lots of funny looks, but I haven't had a severe negative reaction to it yet.