Happy holidays to you too, Assmonkey

[Racket_Man]

As the major "holiday" season is now past, it is time for my annual holiday rant. I am a pizza delivery driver

I have had my share, this (and past) holiday season, of bah HUMBUG stiffs, joke tips and underwelmed tips. yes I have had some good (even great) tips but the usual crop of stiffers and undertippers is STILL there.

what I really hate the most about this time of year is the pitiful and transparent facade some people put on (as in wear when in "public"). by this I mean some get all "happy and cheerful" to those around them. ie co-workers, friends, family, and the poor workers who have to brave the insanity that is the commericalized Xmas season. unfortuneately it is ONLY a thin venier cause as soon as your back is turned or the "holiday season" ends they revert back to their "true" self ie. with no reason "for the cheerful season" why be nice and cheerful to others. and most others around them recognize the thin venier and see it for what, IMO it really is, a LIE for the season.

the ones I HATE the most are the "customers" who, as they are giving me exact change or a "tip" rounded up to the nearest dollar say the following in that sickly sweet and holiday cheery type voice: "Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS/HAPPY HOLIDAYS/HAPPY New Year. Drive safe/keep warm. OH and THANKS for coming out in such bad weather." (lots of cold weather and snow right now). Making sure to SPECIFICALLY emphasis the MERRY or HAPPY part without (in IMHO) very much meaning behind it. It all seems so "canned" or parroted (just as we the retail type person are "required" to say some holiday greeting/parting words). this false platitude just irks me to no end


the next catageory is the "holiday tipper". most delivery drivers and servers know this one as well as I do. a few of the usual hard hearted Grinch stiffers are "semi-kind hearted" (as in their heart grew maybe 1/2% bigger) during the 5 week period of Thanksgiving/Xmas/New Year. they "consent" to letting a mere dollar squeeze past their tightly clenched Scroogie fingers on a $40 order. the remaining 11 months they basically laugh in your face with exact change or a big fat ZERO on the CC tip line. Yes I know the Scrooge is strong but come on!!!!! I know for a fact that you do order on a regualr basis. I know your address by heart. I know every detail about the front of your house. Where are you getting the $$$ to order delivery food 5 DAY STRAIGHT (and this is on a regular basis)???? Heck I WANT YOUR job and you can have mine.

with the Holiday tipper, they show they DO know about and understand the concept of tipping those whose income depends heavily on tips. What pleasure does it give them to attempt to be "non-Scroogie" during a very short period of time?? is it some guilty conscience type thing??? is it some kind of wierd "Xmas duty" type thing????

WHY OH WHY is this 5 week period any different than the other 47 weeks in the year?????

[Andara Bledin]

WHY OH WHY is this 5 week period any different than the other 47 weeks in the year?????

The most likely reason is because the douchebags that would otherwise stiff you are given a constant reminder that they're supposed to not be douchebags. The rest of the year, they can pretend that they forgot they were supposed to not be douchebags.

^-.-^

[JustaCashier]

....a mere dollar squeeze past their tightly clenched Scroogie fingers on a $40 order.

And I'll bet these types, through dialogue with you, and/or body language, are all boastful and smug, "Look what I'm giving you!", as if they'd given you a $20.00 tip on a $10.00 order.


Mike

[Racket_Man]

And I'll bet these types, through dialogue with you, and/or body language, are all boastful and smug, "Look what I'm giving you!", as if they'd given you a $20.00 tip on a $10.00 order.


Mike

you are SOOOOO correct in that assumption

[Mytical]

You would love to deliver to my house during the holidays then. They got a $20 dollar tip (above what the cost of the food, just in case this is not clear). As did the person who cut my hair, my mail person (handed to in person, not left in the mailbox), and a few others. I can't afford to tip big normally, but I do make exceptions during the holidays.

[blas87]

I tipped the pizza girl 50% Friday for coming out on New Year's in some crap weather to bring me cheesesticks.

[Racket_Man]

I am bumping this thread a little early cause I had some REAL winners just tonight (Xmas Eve no less)

first one was a youngish kid say late teens maybe. order was #23.46. kid hands me $25.50. I give him the pizza combo. and as I do he says (exact wording) "WE would like the $2 back PLEASE AND THANKYOU" GODS who taught you manners you little shit. yeah right I see your please and thankyou and raise you a good smack with a tire iron to the kidney.,

second one was one of those serial stiffers (51 1/2 weeks out of the year). Her order was $50.83 on a CC. at best this woman tips $1 on $30 - $40 orders. low and behold she hands me $5 and says in that sicly sweet voice "MERRY CHRISTMAS" yeah right bitch. one fucking day outta 365 you choose to be "generous". and yes this is a person who DOES order on a regualr basis.

the third one was a new customer. order total $18.20 on a CC. I hand the slip to the customer for her to sign. she hands it back to me all folded up. now if you are a delivery driver this usually means the "customer" is trying to hide something (usually not something good). I give her the pizza and flip open the CC slip. YUP a big fat ZERO written on the tip line. she loolks at me and says "HAVE A MERRY CHRISTMAS AND DRIVE SAFE". yeah how about I run you over with a snow plow you Scroogie bitch.

I am sure this coming week will bring more teenager and Grinchy behavior.

[Racket_Man]

One more thread bump

This year's holidays season has been horrible not only for me but other drivers at my store.

The one notable Xmas tip this year: Serial stiffer of the first order. You either get NOTHING OR leftover change. The best I EVER got was 90 cents on a CC on a $30 order.

I delivered to this person last night. 2 large orders of plain wings -- order total $37.10 and he did not pay with a CC as normal. I arrive and he hands me 2 $20 bills and says "KEEP it". When arrived back at the store I told the other drivers what happened and their jaws dropped to the floor.

"What did you do, threaten him with a shotgun????" one driver quipped.

Most of this holiday season has been really heavily peppered with the statements I posted about in my OP with even MORE light or non-exsistant tips.

Even the AFTER Xmas has sucked so far. Usually the period between Xmas and New Years is great for tips. Not so this year for some unfathomable reason.

[Mr Hero]

The only time I could ever justify to myself filling out the tip line with zero would be if I have a cash tip for the driver instead.

Otherwise, I usually calculate what my order would be with the 15% top included then round up to the nearest dollar. Everyone seems happy.

[Mytical]

I will admit, somewhat embarrassed, that their have been times when a driver was not tipped. When somebody else orders the pizza, and pays for it. That is the only time a driver might not get a tip. If I order and pay for it, they usually get generous tips. I can't even leave a restaurant (not a fast food place mind) without leaving a tip .. even when i don't see a waiter/waitress except for being seated, ordering the meal, and when the food comes.

[Racket_Man]

Thread bump as it is Tis The Season

[mjr]

they "consent" to letting a mere dollar squeeze past their tightly clenched Scroogie fingers on a $40 order.

Dude...if you come to my house with a $40 pizza order you're getting something like $8 as a tip. As a general rule, I tip the pizza delivery person in the neighborhood of 20%, regardless of time of year.

'cause that's how I roll...

[AmbrosiaWriter]

For any delivery, my minimum tip is $5 (no matter what my order may be.) If the price goes higher that 20% > $5, it goes to the greater.

[jackfaire]

I always try to tip well unfortunately I am notoriously poor so occasionally tipping isn't a thing I can do but when I was a regular all of the drivers knew me and the owner would send little extra things out.

As for the "pretend cheer" Here's the thing people think I am always in a bad mood if I am not feeling a particularly strong emotion. Smiling isn't my default mode and apparently my straight face makes people think I am in devastation or depressed. I am not.

This time of year I genuinely like parts of it the Christmas specials spending time with my daughter, freaking Eggnog. I gather my gifts for this season throughout the year to avoid the pressure of shopping.

That being said there are a group of people that if they don't see you smiling during the month of December immediately assume you are Ebenezer Scrooge and try to "Save You"

Women who get told "you need to smile more" know exactly what I am talking about it. Those people have to be "cheerful" for everyone even the pizza driver for fear of running into someone who turns it into Watergate.

This actually makes one dislike the Holiday Season a bit having to feign being a cartoon character in a Christmas special because people don't understand that one can be genuinely happy without running around screaming and laughing.

[Talon]

I usually tip 15%, 20% for exceptional circumstances (delivery in shit weather).

That said, you might not like me. When I did order pizzas I preferred to pick them up myself. Also, I don't order pizzas anymore. I find them to be a huge waste of money. My local grocery store has frozen pizzas that are about the same quality, for a fraction of the price. Granted the selection isn't as good, but that's literally a small price to pay.