It's your own fault, you have no right to complain

[DrFaroohk]

I get this one a lot. I'll complain about something I don't like, and people will point out it's my own fault and I have no right to bitch. This is actually pretty fair, and I've come to terms with it on a lot of things, such as kids. Some days my kids drive the ever loving shit out of my mind and any time I complain and am like "God these kids drive me nuts!" someone points out "Hey, it's your own fault, you didn't wear a condom, so suck it up."

Ok, fair enough, right? Many people on this very forum have told me the same thing, and it is my fault, I've come to accept that. But now I've also adopted that same argument. It's mine now. So I can use it on other people.

And then I'll see someone also complaining about their kids, but a big difference. Not only did this person not use protection, they actually chose to have children. It wasn't just "I don't feel like using a condom" it was "I want to have a child."

So what do I say? "Hey, it's your own fault, you chose to have kids, so suck it up."

And then I get accused of being a heartless bastard. Usually by the very same people who gave me that very same argument before!

People...I just don't know. Sometimes i'm pretty sure I'm not even human, I'm some sort of alien spawn, hence why I can't seem to function like a normal person in society. They all seem so strange and retarded to me.

[LexiaFira]

its more that they don't like having their own words thrown back at them. or can dish it out but cannot take it.

[blas87]

There are a lot of people who can dish shit all day long, but the moment they are given it back, they clam up, some get really mad, some even just leave and ignore you. These people just cannot handle being treated the way they treat others.

I've spoke of this before, but I have a coworker who, if he could, would spend all hours of the shift nitpicking about everything he thinks others do wrong or what have you, but if you ever point out something that doesn't add up with him, he clams up and refuses to speak to you for days.

[the_std]

Well, another piece of it could be, not the complaints themselves, but the attitude the complainer uses.

So, say the kids are pissing you off and you complain about them. If you use negative language ("my brats are really getting to me tonight") or you complain about the same subject a lot, people are going to have less sympathy for you. Especially if it's a problem where the root of it (the fact that you have children) lies completely at your feet, multiple and repeated complaints are less likely to attract any kind of sympathy.

Now, say another parent on the board is pissed off by their kids. If it's a rare thing from them, or they take a different tone ("my baby is cranky, and I'm at the end of my rope"), then it's a lot more likely to be taken with sympathy and open arms.

The perceived way you deal with a problem is going to have major, major effects on how people react to your problem.

[blas87]

You may be well on to something, std.

The cursing may be an obvious hint, but sometimes people can be a tad dramatic about stuff (no worries Doc, I am not talking about you) or be the type of person who doesn't get that what they've done is their own fault (coming to work hungover, shouldn't have gone out last night ya know, or is flat broke, shouldn't have went to the bar every day after work)........and a lot of times some people really lose sympathy and the availability for a listening ear.

Again, not saying you do any of this stuff, I was actually referring to an ex coworker there, but it can be very well about tone and choice of words, along with is the situation something that really is your fault?

[PepperElf]

Usually by the very same people who gave me that very same argument before!

because it's different now that it's THEM. It was ok for them to say it to you but now that they're the ones getting it back it's different.