My feet & my family

[Eisa]

Expounding on this thread

I was about...18 or 19? I think when this happened.

I was in a chorus [the same chorus I posted about at some point on CS that ended up sucking ass but anyways] and we had all decided to make pumpkin rolls and chocolate peppermint rolls. Yummy!

Only problem...I ended up without a ride to campus. And found out...too late to really call anyone and ask about a ride. Oh well, I'll just walk. At that point, campus is a mile away. We were going to use the culinary arts' kitchen. It was a little scary [read: terrifying] to walk to school at 6-something in the morning. But managed it.

Now here is where I was a bit stupid. Although no one in chorus really understood the extent of my feet problems. So I have no doubt that if I had taken lots of breaks, I would have gotten some looks and comments. Still, that would have been better than what happened.

I was on my feet for hours. And basically standing in one place--which is extra bad for my feet. In general, I can walk around a lot better than I can stand.

Finally, we were supposed to take a break for lunch. They made me take a break. I told someone that if I sat down, I wouldn't be able to get back up. They thought I was joking.

I wasn't joking. I tried to stand back up, and the pain was so intense I burst into tears, nearly screamed, and promptly plopped back down.

I wasn't able to stand up again for over four hours.

[I also got lectured for not "telling people I needed to sit down." Yeah, thanks. xP]

After 4 hours, I could stand, but my "walk" was more of a "stagger" in which I had to hold onto whatever was nearby. Two people had to help me get home...and even walked me up to the front door!

My parents had virtually no reaction whatsoever. Like I was perfectly fine and it was just the normal, everyday pain. O.o



So today, I ended up confronting my mom a little on this. Especially the fact that she didn't react when I was in excruciating pain.

And she was like, "What, did you want me to be like Oh poor baby?"

"YES. YES I DID."

So then she did that, but it was like...ok, too little, too late, you know? Thanks, Mom. I certainly don't expect loads of sympathy and coddling for my day-to-day pain; that's something I just have to live with and since it's there, well, every day, not much anyone can do. But when I'm in such pain I literally cannot stand up for over four hours, and cannot walk unassisted after that....holy fuck, woman. That's not everyday. That might even have been go-to-the-doctor-worthy.


[And yet, still...all I can take is ibu or tylenol. Hmph. Even though I have arthritis in both feet, too. Dayum, no wonder they hurt so bad sometimes!]

Anyway, yes. There is my thing that I hate. That my mother honestly didn't get that "Oh poor baby" WAS the right reaction to have!

[Mytical]

*hugs you* Those without chronic pain, often do not know what it is like. Let alone know that when that pain becomes unbearable what it is like. It is more ignorance then anything. Though that is really not any excuse. I mean, I will never know how painful it can be to have a child, but I can understand that a harsh pregnancy can be hard on a person.

Some people who haven't been there can sympathize/empathize (or some can), but some people just have no clue. I'm sorry you go through that, just know that there are some out there who do understand, even if we can't know exactly what you are going through. *hugs again* Stay strong.

[KnitShoni]

*hugs* I know what the pain feels like. I found out I have arthritis when I was 20. Aleve is the only thing that works at all. And, yeah, for that much pain, it kinda hurts to not have your parents even react to it. They probably were of the "you're young, you'll get over it" mindset.

[Peppergirl]

I'm so glad you started this thread over here, Eisa. Now I can say what I WANTED to say over there.

Your mom is a fucking bitch and if I lived within driving distance to you, I'd tell her that to her face.

She makes me so mad.

I am SOOO very sorry and I'm also very excited for you about your doctor visit (from the CS thread).

Please keep us posted.

*oodles of hugs*

[Elspeth]

I am with Pepper. I would like to have a little talk with your mom with my clue x 4. Parents should be protecting their kids and doing everything they can to help them and make their pains better. I wish I lived closer, I would be there to help. (Western Side of Washington)

I am so happy you are getting some help with your feet. I can't imagine what you are going through.

[blas87]

I hope your feet feel better!

Damn, what nice parents you have!

[Boozy]

I can't imagine having a child with a medical issue and waiting until she begs to drive her to a specialist that could help.

Parents should be willing to drive to the ends of the earth to help their children. I know a lot of them don't, but that's how I see it.

[Andara Bledin]

The whole attitude displayed baffles me.

I've never even met Eisa, and I'd be willing to work something out to get her to a specialist if I lived close enough. The very idea that someone who lives with her and knows what she goes through on a daily basis couldn't take one day to do the same just baffles me.

^-.-^

[Eisa]

Yeah, I don't get my mother anymore at all. She LIVES with chronic pain herself, too--she has fairly severe back pain [and has had to get physical therapy at least once], and she has plantar fasciitis. So she even has pain in her feet! And I know the doctors have explained multiple times exactly how clubfeet affects me. How much it hurts. And I've told her, again repeatedly, how much it hurts. She's seen me limp. She's seen me burst into tears because I can't walk anymore. She's seen me when I've had to stand so long, my feet went numb.

I actually remember in...high school, I think...9th grade? 10th grade? One of those. I was in a particular choir. We had a very, very long "revue" of decades before the main concert was to begin. I had to wear high heels. I made it through our program ok, but my entire family said I looked like I was in agony when I stepped off the risers and limped my slow, painful way off the stage. It's really only gotten worse from there.

I tried to explain to her...Saturday, I think? that how she has arthritis in her hands--I have in my feet. In addition to everything else. She might be getting it.

Oh, and the really sad thing is...she said that she was trying to help me find a way there...

She didn't. My dad's the one who talked to the doctor and worked so hard to find me a way there. Not her. And he certainly didn't have to--he explained why he couldn't. His health. I understand that, that's a helluva long way to drive and get back.

The weather wasn't even that bad on the way there OR the way back.

It's just REALLY weird to me how she was telling me how she fought New Mexico to let me have the surgery, fought SSI because I needed it...

So what, I grew up and she doesn't care anymore? I mean...do you know how hard it is to get a job when you cannot stand up for 10 minutes without pain? All those like...fast food entry-level jobs...I can't do. I remember looking at my sister's job application for-_Wendy's I think? It was a fast food place--and it even asked something like "can you stand for 8 hours?" Yeah, not even close. And I know they're not supposed to discriminate on that basis, but...it would be hard as hell to do it anyway. I was surprised as fuck that M. [the girl who came with me] had worked at Burger King for 3 years but she explained, too, that for the most part her feet are just numb. Which is really bad in and of itself, but also explains how she could do it. My feet don't really just go completely numb. They go numb, but in that super painful way that lets you know "Oh SHIT I really fucked them up, didn't I."

I think cost is just EVERYTHING to her. Seriously EVERYTHING. I mean, she's also done stuff like not wanting to take me to the doctor when I was sick because it was "just a cold." Turned out it was a sinus infection that went undiagnosed for almost 6 months. Only reason it did was 'cause the mucus or something ended up giving me pinkeye. [Can't remember the whole explanation of that, particularly as I was going EWWWWWWWWWWW! inside the whole time lol]. She also yelled at me because how dare I get an endoscopy, abdominal ultrasound, and gastric emptying scan when I never stopped feeling nauseated and getting sick repeatedly, every time I ate. [She also got pissed that my prescription was $40 for domperidone for my gastroparesis. I'd help pay, but I have basically no money. I'm trying to find a job off work study, but I mean...ya know? It's not easy.]

Actually, for that matter, the second time I had pinkeye, she didn't want to take me that day "because your eye isn't red enough." O.o

Now that I think about it, most of my health concerns have been advocated for by my dad. Getting glasses, getting braces, going to a neurologist and getting an MRI done for my headaches [although it didn't show jack shit and the neurologist kept acting like I was faking...asshole >.>], going to a podiatrist in the first place as a teenager...even if he didn't have a clue what to do with me lol...

This is getting really long and rambling now.

But I also don't get how--if she couldn't take me herself--she couldn't have figured that out sooner and really tried to find another way for me to get there.

Also everyone is awesome. *hugs* Also, KnitShoni, I'm sorry you have arthritis. =( I wonder if Aleve would help me, too...

[radiocerk]

Aleve's a good drug as far as anti-inflammatories go, just make sure to take it with food, and no more than necessary. All anti-inflammatory drugs can cause ulcers and stomach bleeding. I learned that the hard way.

[Eisa]

^I'm sorry.

I have to take basically all meds with food, anyway. Found that out the hard way, too. [Since I'm in an over-sharing mood: was on an antibiotic. Doxycycline I think? It's such that you can take it with food. Not that you have to. I had it one morning before I ate, with gatorade. Spent the rest of the morning throwing up. Not fun.]

Wish the damn doctor would call me back. Or my family. Technically, we were supposed to go grocery shopping on Sunday. xP Guess not. *shrugs*

Also, the past couple of days have SUCKED pain-wise. I don't know if the cold's getting to me or what. But I can barely walk a block or two without limping. It was like a major accomplishment to walk down to the dining hall, and that was just saaaaaaaaaaad.

Oooh, more ammo to use if my mother bitches.

[Ginger Tea]

My feet problems are probably only a fraction of a percent compared to what you are going through, I have one slightly clubbed foot, it looks normal when I wear shoes (one size larger on some pairs due to the scrunched up bones), yet I've seen pictures where it seems fuzed in a permanant tiptoe position, I couldn't tell from the angle you posted.

In my mid teens whilst still at school, I was taken to the leg doctor, I refuse to use the latin name as once I asked for orthopedic's and got sent to the pediatrician, No I want the leg doctor not the child doctor although I was still classed as a child, they wouldn't do that in this day and age.
Leg doctor was meant to be looking at my club foot but found out my other leg was over an inch nearly two shorter than the other and I had to have raises glued onto my shoes, at the time they weren't asteticly pleasing and I did get stick for having 'Frankenstien' boots (yes I know the monster isnt Frank ) and now have insoles as they refuse to alter safety shoes, I started off with shop brand insoles stacked up and a heel cup, then they finally did custom insoles, I could hurt someone with the heal of mine.

Both feet got me out of sports which was nice, the only one I liked was cricket and we never played that oop norf and dahn saff we stopped with bad weather, hence why we as a national team normally get walked over by countries with a better climate.

I do occasionally have two different bones pop out on rare occasions, resulting in me swearing and screaming till I can pop them back, but after a deep breath its as if they never happened.

Again I have it easy in comparison, the worst my clubbed foot will do is make me walk on tip toes first thing in the morning or if ive been laying down for too long, then it kinda eases up, walking is OK, standing still, my back goes, mostly due to 16 years of not knowing I had the medical equivelant of walking around with only one shoe on, so I hate being rostered on the 12 start as I will be stood still till 3pm.

[Eisa]

Ginger, that sounds awful! That sounds very painful. I don't walk on permanent tip-toe, although I automatically go up on tip-toe when I go up or down stairs. I can't quite figure out if other people do that, too, or if it's just because my feet are different.

Don't they also do specific shoe lifts? I can't see why someone couldn't just alter it--hell, maybe you'd get more time out of the shoe, with a permanent alteration like that. Although then again, that could get quite costly...and you could only have like one pair of shoes lol. I suppose it would be better to get a lift to insert and be able to take out. I want one, but when I tried to look them up, it got too confusing about the stuff they're made out of, and just...eep. Although I don't believe my legs have that much of a discrepancy like yours do. Did you walk "tilted?" I know when I stand up, I'm tilted to one side, but it doesn't feel like I'm tilted, it's like I'm standing up straight. My dad kept coming up to me when I was a teenager and trying to straighten me--but it always felt like an over-correction. The school also thought I had scoliosis after the yearly check or whatever it is they do, so I got sent for more tests...turned out there's nothing wrong with the curvature of my back, it's that my hips are tilted [which might be why there's a leg length discrepancy? Maybe?] and everything else is compensating for that.

I don't know that you have it easy in comparison...I mean, I've never had bones pop out on me. O.o OUCH. Clubfoot-wise, maybe, but...yikes. That sounds quite painful.

The standing for long periods of time is what I worry about in terms of any sort of job. =/ I can't do it. I found myself actually envying the other girl who saw the expert, because her feet are numb most of the time. xP Which in and of itself is quite worrisome, I imagine...

*offers a hug if you would like*




I want to rant about doctors. In general. Since I've done enough bitching about my podiatrist lol.

My pediatrician was an idiot. No, really, he was. I came in one time because I wanted to tell someone about my depression. And for one, he had my mom come in the room, too. Yes, of course, I'm going to tell you all about my depression with my toxic mother sitting right there. And in the second place, after I tried to tell him, he told me that I should "read this book" and I would get better. O.o

Another time, when I was 16--my parents had finally figured out what I'd been telling them all along...I couldn't breathe through my nose. Went to the pediatrician. He looked up my nose and was like, "there's nothing wrong with you..."

Thankfully, went to an ear, nose, & throat doctor. HE took one look up my nose and practically went "holy shit!!" LOL I still love remembering that, his reaction was hilarious. My nose was 95% blocked on one side, and the other side had over-compensated. So that led to getting a tonsillectomy, adenoidectomy, and septoplasty, all in one go. I had to wear gauze taped under my nose to catch the blood for over a week. I had giant-ass splints in each side, too. I remember when the doc took them out, my mom almost fainted. I was just like "ohhhh...that's cool..." I think I was high on pain meds or something.

Also discovered for about a month or so after that, I could stick one finger up my nose to the newly-healed tissue, and just scratch it a little with my fingernail...and end up with a gushing nose-bleed to get out of class. Heh. Worked best on substitute teachers... *innocent look* [I didn't do it that often. Just a couple times lol.]

Another doctor...I've had headaches all day every day since I was about 12 or so. Nothing's fixed them. I had my teeth fixed--helped, but not entirely. Got glasses...again, helped, but not entirely.

So when I was 15 or 16 [can't remember when I started going], my parents started taking me to a neurologist. Who was a dumbass. His procedure was to give me very basic, standard neurological tests and then just throw different drugs at me. O.o I was on probably 10-15 different medications in probably less than a year because of this idiot. The only ones I can remember for sure are amitriptylene and propranolol.

Then he decided to do an MRI. Well...the MRI ended up not showing anything amiss.

So from that point on, he blatantly acted like I was faking it. Because yes, I want to fake horrible pain all the time and cost my parents thousands of dollars. That was a waste of time.

And I still have them. =( *sighs* Oh well. They're not actually that bad usually. Unless they're a migraine. A couple months ago, I had a migraine for 4 days and had to go to urgent care for a couple shots. That sucked.


ANYWAY about my feet...Dr. H hasn't called me back yet. =/ I hope he doesn't forget. This is serious shit here.

[Ginger Tea]

Pain wise, my club which as I said isn't as pronounced as some ive seen, gives me little to no grief aside from the fact it won't bend forward at the ankle like my other. I re read my post and it might read like I've seen photos of my foot and its on tiptoes, what I was meant to type is that I've seen pictures of clubbed feet where they are permanantly tiptoed, sorry for any confusion.

As for the bone popping pain, yes when it happens it is YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG !!elebenty!!, but I have always managed to pop it back myself, take a deep breath and forget about it, one time it happened one of my old dogs decided to lick my ear out as I was writing around trying to move my leg enough to line the bones up, so I had little choice but to let her tounge my ear as I was too preocupied with swearing and screaming.

I've encountered alot of people with leg discrepancies worse than mine, perhaps mine was caught and treated before it got worse, I don't know if it would have gotten shorter over time or not, but.
One woman could only be level if she stood on tip toes with her shorter leg, it was that pronounced, it hurt to watch her walk as it was like she had one foot on the pavement and the other in the road and there was a taller than average (UK wise) kerb height, any shoe raises for her would involve wearing platform boots, I'm not too sure what the best option is, walking like that or getting the inevetable stick off of strangers for having one sole the size of a house brick.
One of our managers now has to walk with a crutch as it has damaged her pelvis, that could have been me if I never got my raises as her difference in legs is probably the same as mine and she is only 5-10 years older than me.
Another one of our drivers, when he was in the unit he used to kneel that leg on a chair for any jobs that needed him to be stood still.

Mine is just the right length for insoles, which is just as well as they no longer alter safety shoes, I when oop norf, used to get mine altered at a key cutting cobbler's in the market, then they told me they could no longer do them as if it was wrong (given the wrong info or any other human error from either side) they could get sued, so I had to go to the hospital for mine and instead of cutting the sole and inserting the bridge, they glued something that had the same consistancy as pencil rubber's (erasers in the states) I had not had my shoes for long and there was a wedge shape missing in the heel.

As for limiting your shoe count, yes it does, at first they could only do certain types of soles which led to me always wearing the one style I could count on being worked on, what my dad refered to as desert boots, light tan suede not school uniform complient, but with a big f u letter from my dad. I wore that style for god knows how many years.

So for every pair of shoes I bought, I would have to pay extra for the build up, so I only ever have 2 pairs of shoes a year, my own for out and about, currently semi military steel toe caps still using insoles stacked to the dozzen and my work shoes with the insole permanantly in.
Now I have the insole I can put it in almost any shoes I like, which for the manager at work would have been better if it was an option in the past, as being a woman I think she forgoed the alterations and limit on shoes for the option to wear what she wanted when she wanted and is now paying the price although I could just be stereotyping women and shoes here, although you can always cut some of the heel off your stillettoes ;p .

Back wise, the pain is caused by the shorter leg and the walking like you have one shoe on for 16 years of your life, and as that was a natural thing for me, I think when I got my raise I did start to sag to one side as my natural balance was off, I have no idea if I've corrected this over time, but I'm sure I inclined when stood still for a fair old while.

[Andara Bledin]

I have "normal" feet, and I often go on tip toe when taking stairs, so that's likely a mostly normal thing.

^-.-^