Constant complaining with no action to change things

[Ladeeda]

I have friend who is CONSTANTLY complaining about his life. Getting the short end of the stick in life, hates the town we live in, hates his job, blah blah blah.

And yes, I fully support everyone who needs to vent, but EVERY DAY! And he never does anything to change the situation. He doesn't look for a new job or look into scholarships so he can go back to school. Doesn't even try to save money to move to another city. Doesn't do a goddamned thing.

I hate this town, too, so I'm cutting as many corners as possible, scraping all my cash into savings, and will be moving later this year unless something terrible happens that sucks away more money, in which case I'll be moving early next year.

Like I said, it's fine to vent, but when someone just bitches and moans day in, day out like they have no control over the situation, I lose sympathy.

[blas87]

You just described my ex coworker, Drunken Victim, to a T, except that he's a raging alcoholic and a fraud artist.

It has been nice this past month not having to listen to him whine and complain all shift long, about things that he did to himself to get himself in bad positions, and then to continue to whine because whatever he does is the wrong choice.

I agree, it's one thing to have a healthy vent or have your own safe heaven to let it out, but people who do nothing but complain day in and day out and never do anything to try to fix it, uck!

[Ladeeda]

Yeah, and he's probably my best friend that I have IRL, anyway, so I'm expected to pat his head and say "Poor baby."

[DrFaroohk]

lol that's a friend of mine with women. He's a good guy, but honestly he goes for girls way out of his league, usually the same ones, and then complains about what bitches they are for not dating him. Sometimes it's hard to have a conversation because he'll keep bringing them up into everything...then it's usually some lame story about how once again, he met up with Katie or whoever at the bar, they went to a party together, and despite that she insists she just wants to be friends and has no interest in her, he was hopeful, and by telling him no way, she had a boyfriend, she must've been leading him on, and then he gets pissed because she's such a whore for toying with his affections.

[Ladeeda]

lol that's a friend of mine with women. He's a good guy, but honestly he goes for girls way out of his league, usually the same ones, and then complains about what bitches they are for not dating him. Sometimes it's hard to have a conversation because he'll keep bringing them up into everything...then it's usually some lame story about how once again, he met up with Katie or whoever at the bar, they went to a party together, and despite that she insists she just wants to be friends and has no interest in her, he was hopeful, and by telling him no way, she had a boyfriend, she must've been leading him on, and then he gets pissed because she's such a whore for toying with his affections.

Sounds like ALL women are out of his league. He sounds like a jerk.

This friend of mine is a bit similar, except he doesn't blame the woman... often. He's bi, and gets dates and casual partners WAY more often than I ever do (last encounter was over a year ago, last date nearly that long). Then he complains that no one wants him, and once gave ME a lot of grief because I don't want to sleep with him, saying my standards are too high.

I tore into him for that one. Now he only pouts about it occationally.

[Andara Bledin]

For the inveterate whiners who are looking for sympathy and not a way out, this is what I do:

I ask, "So, what're you doing about it?"

Almost every case has things that can be done, and things that aren't being done because the whiner doesn't actually want things to change. Well, at least not if that'll actually take any effort on their part, anyway.

^-.-^

[DrFaroohk]

Sounds like ALL women are out of his league. He sounds like a jerk.

This friend of mine is a bit similar, except he doesn't blame the woman... often. He's bi, and gets dates and casual partners WAY more often than I ever do (last encounter was over a year ago, last date nearly that long). Then he complains that no one wants him, and once gave ME a lot of grief because I don't want to sleep with him, saying my standards are too high.

I tore into him for that one. Now he only pouts about it occationally.

Yeah, my friend isn't really a jerk most of the time, just some women issues. And he's had his heart broken a few times so I can understand him being bitter, but jesus when you've been dumped for the 82nd time BY THE SAME GIRL it just becomes stupid.

[blas87]

Andara's theory is a great way to get the whiners to, at the least, shut up for a second and scratch their head.

I think most serial whiners just want attention. There were many a times that we caught DV actually pouting because no one came up to him anymore and asked how he was doing, so if no one paid attention to him first, eventually he just began dumping his issues on others, because if he didn't whine, he'd just stand around uncomfortably, pouting or making faces.

His awesome excuse is that whining and complaining is how he solves problems.....uh, no, no one has ever seen him solve a problem (unless drinking was the answer to everything). He just whines and whines and wants attention. I don't know if he has classic oldest child syndrome or just never got enough attention growing up, but it didn't take me long to realize that everything he whines about, it's for attention. He wants sympathy and attention.

[Plaidman]

Life just sucks for some people. Even for those that take action. Just horrid luck.

I have a job, and going to school to get a better job, though as hard as I try to learn everything, I feel that it won't matter, not with my luck. But I still go through the actions. What one feels, and what one knows don't always connect.

Same with women problems. I do flirt, I do ask girls out, and get turned down always. Do I blame them? No. Not really. No girls lead me on, they're honest. So the only person I can be angry at is myself for not being able to attract anyone, which sucks. Means I have to change myself rather then be myself. If I can like someone for them, why can't it go bothways? Hardly fair, but is the hand that has been dealt.

Though I've been told by a few people a few times there was a cute girl flirting with me that I didn't even realize. Even been told 'You could have a woman hit you with a sledgehammer several times and you still wouldn't know they're hitting on you". I'm that obvilous.

Or rather, unbeliving that any girl would find me attractive. Hard to get I know.

[aurelemsrealm]

I know people like that. Don't we all if we think about it? My conclusion is that the chronic whiners are "happy" being unhappy. If they don't have something to complain about or someone to complain to, they are unhappy. They feed on being miserable. They are drama queens who thrive on creating unnecessary uproars.