being pushed into attending church

[KellyHabersham]

*not about religion so much as it's about my mom trying to push me into things when I'm too old for that*

Best way to explain it is that since I've moved back into my mom's house, she's gotten a bit pushy regarding my going to church.......gets rather bent out of shape and fusses if I do not. And now that my daughter isn't sure she wants to continue with a confirmation class, Mom is fussing at me about attending because she insists I need to set a good example for "Heather". (I should probably also mention that neither of my siblings and their respective spouses attend church often, which is possibly why Mom focuses on me)

Anyhow, my gripe is that at 32, I just feel that I'm way too old for my mom to still be trying to push me into something I don't always want to do, just because that's what she thinks I should do.

[protege]

Been there, done that. My mother was a bit strict regarding religion. That is, she dragged the entire family to services on Sunday. It was bad enough that I went to a Catholic school, but to deal with that too? As if that wasn't enough...she'd drag my dad along...and he's not even Catholic! That went on until I was in my late 20s.

[MaggieTheCat]

My grandpa, who is 92, constantly harps on my aunt (his daughter), who is 65ish, on going to church. And not just any church; HIS church. She has her own church that she likes to go to, but it's not good enough because it's not the same church that he goes to. And he is so demeaning to her about it that she actually stopped going to her church and started going to his, even though she's uncomfortable with it.

[Racket_Man]

Been there, done that. My mother was a bit strict regarding religion. That is, she dragged the entire family to services on Sunday. It was bad enough that I went to a Catholic school, but to deal with that too? As if that wasn't enough...she'd drag my dad along...and he's not even Catholic! That went on until I was in my late 20s.

same situation with me. Mom was a strict Catholic until she died. us kids were forced to do the "Sunday" thing each and every Sunday and had to go through the usual Catholic rituals of passage (ie, First Communion and Confirmation). my Father was not very religious (nasty thing one denomination did and said to his family when he was younger) until they got involved in certain things in our church. then he did "buy into Catholism.

my siblings have all in one way or another remained in the Christian realm. one just on the fringes most of his life (though now he is a lot more "spitiual" than before), one a bit more serious, and one got to the almost "holly roller" level (though she has mellowed a bit in the last couple of years)

a little later in life (in my early teens), after the Church had "taught" me some things that I found highly contradictory, I decided that Catholism (and Christianity) was not my thing. after that I got called a heathen and a few other religious type derogatory names (that lasted until Mom passed)

I love the way that "religion" is used by some people as a guilt weapon. I was always taught that (at least in the Christian realms) going to church and doing the "rituals' (weekly Sunday thing and progressing up the ladder of rituals) was supposed to be entirely voluntary and not forced (ya know the whole free will thing)

[Boozy]

My mother forced all four of her children to attend church until they were 13 years-old and were confirmed, at which point she allowed us to make our own decision about whether or not to attend.

It was the confirmation thing that really bothered me. I had to stand up in front of a congregation and swear I was Christian, knowing full well that as soon as the whole thing was over I was never coming back. I probably shouldn't have done it, but I was only 13.

Not one of us attends church as an adult, and my mom doesn't really have a problem with it. I think she felt she had to try, but having done her best, she can live with our decisions.

[KitterCat]

Ugh being dragged to church as a kid. Each and every Sunday from the time I was 3. Going through 3 hour long services and expected to just sit there at that age is insane. Compounding that 3 more times with brothers. Oh the insanity. Having daily prayers almost daily on again off again for years. Getting to see the political underside to the many many church organizations.

Then to be dragged from one church to another for about a year because the Episcopal church went “funny”. Getting to take 4 hour long drives and told you have no choice but to go to church because your father is trying to become a priest at an unofficially recognized church. Getting to go through confirmation twice because my father became a priest at said church and wanted to play ceremonious and who best to practice on but your own kids and their friends. His actual reason was because the Episcopal ritual used a more modern wording for one line in the prayer, thus invalidating the whole confirmation. Being told that you should start taking confession at the age of 18 when before confession involved you and God and no one else. Repentance was between you and God no middle man need apply.

Wondering why your kids don’t really like going to church as they get older. Harping on them that they have to go in order to receive salvation and they brought you up better than that really isn’t going to work. Telling you that thinking that your father being a priest isn’t automatically going to get you to heaven so I should rethink my attitude, is only going to make me laugh. After all if their God is so kind and benevolent than he’d understand about “making mistakes”.

Funny thing is I’ve only in the past couple years started going again - to a Catholic church since Mr.kittercats family is Catholic. I do believe that the little kitters should be brought up in some sort of religion, I just don’t believe in the methods my parents used for the upbringing. I don’t even really believe in mass religions at this point, since I don’t think any religions got it right yet. So the current family situation around religion is sort of amusing. The non-Roman Catholic is making sure the rest of the family gets to church every other weekend. If the little ones grow up believing in Christianity, good. Its after all the religious flavor I know the most about and can help them the most with. If they find that they don’t believe in it but believe in something, that’s good to. So long as they grow up believing there is some sort of benevolent god/gods out there I’ll consider my religious side of upbringing a success.

[blas87]

Been there, done that.

Brother and I had to go to Sunday school every Sunday from I swear age 3 to 13, and then it was confirmation, every Wednesday night we had to give up 2 hours or more to do more extended Sunday school stuff. Every Christmas as younger kids, we had to be in the Christmas program, there went more time during the week that had to be spent at church.

At the time, I felt moreso for the Catholic kids who not only went to parochial school and already had religion shoved down their throat amongst their learning all day, but had to go to CCD every so many days of the week and their church services were way longer than the ones at the Lutheran churches I went to. But man, every pastor I ever had could put anyone to sleep within minutes. The last one I remember, his sermon was never less than 15-20 pages long, and he read it verbatim from a music stand.

And oh, there was always two services on Sundays, we always had to go to the absurdly early one. Really, make kids get up to be to church at 8 am and then expect them to stay for two or more hours for Sunday school and other church activities.......and it was even worse when Nanna was still alive and we had to drive to take HER to church at 8 am.....of course meaning we'd have to leave the house at 6 or 6:30!!

And insult to injury as kids.....my parents have always strictly had this "first to arrive, last to leave" when it comes to anything important to them.

There were times that it was almost an hour after church service (if we went to the late one or if there was no Sunday school) and my parents were STILL talking with other members and my brother and I had to sit in the car and wait. And wait. And wait.

One day I got so mad I started walking home, it was only about a mile or so and I was at least 10 years old. Another member of the church saw me and pulled over to tell me that my parents were mad at me, of course I was grounded for probably a good month or so.

Oh, and don't forget Vacation Bible School! A week or more every summer where kids have to miss out on time with friends to go spend more time at church!

[KellyHabersham]

Odd thing for me is that my mom really didn't start getting pushy about this until after I'd started working there.....in her view, it "looked bad" if the secretary wasn't a regular church-goer. (no matter that my position was the only one NOT required to be available on Sundays) And it was a bit difficult to explain that when I did go, people often wanted to talk to me about work-related stuff, which I didn't necessarily want to get into during my time off from that job.

[telecom_goddess]

I refuse to let anyone bully me into church. I won't do it because I am an atheist and nothing is changing my mind. As it is I get quite a bit of religion bullshit to look at on fb, and some members of my extended family are religious nuts...and are always saying "god puts you where he wants you and he will provide and it will all work out if you just sit on your ass and let GOD do everything for you...."


What The Hell Ever.

But I was lucky that I have never been dragged to church.....even as a kid.

[Gravekeeper]

My grandparents are rabidly Roman Catholic. My childhood around them went about as well as expected on Sundays. You would spent every Sunday morning desperately trying to find something to do, because God ( >.> ) help you if you were bored when they came around.

There are few things on this earth more excrutiating for a child then Catholic Mass.

When I was 5 or 6 my grandparents made me go to confession. After my mom got wind of it, she'd had enough and pulled me out of their church and told them they could never bring me anywhere near a Catholic church again. <cough>

After that my mom found a nice non-Catholic church for me to attend Sunday school at. But it was only parable and fable teaching ( David & Goliath, stuff like that ). Never scripture or anything hard core. Most of the time we mainly coloured things. >.>

That only lasted till I was 7 or 8 or so and my mom let me decide what I wanted to do. So I ended up with her in her hippy meditation classes by the age of 9.

[Peppergirl]

I'm north of 40 and my mother attempts to guilt me into attending mass with her every time I visit, which is usually 2-4 times a year.

I usually allow the guilt trip to be effective if I happen to be there over Christmas or Easter and attend with her on those days. Otherwise I just say 'no' and endure the painful sighs and the disappointed shakes-of-the-head. Sound familiar to anyone else? lol


The thing I find terribly ironic is that my mother converted to Catholicism in order to marry my dad. She attends church regularly, but he only allows himself to be guilted into going once every couple of years.

[protege]

And insult to injury as kids.....my parents have always strictly had this "first to arrive, last to leave" when it comes to anything important to them.

That was the other reason I hated church. My mom insisted on getting to church about an hour early...and then sticking around an hour or two after the service. Never mind that I'd been up since before 7am because of my morning paper route. All I wanted to do, was deliver the damn papers, come home, and possibly go back to sleep. I didn't want to 3-4 hours at some boring church service!

[ExRetailDrone]

Ugh, I'm so glad that I was never dragged to church as a child. My dad I think is as a-religious as a person can be without being atheist. My mom believes and she used to go to church occasionally, and I would sometimes join her. My mother's parents are (were) very religious, but they never harped on anyone that I know of for not going to church. I think the period of time I attended church the most was when I would go to my best friend's church with her. It was more of a social thing for me

My parents' background with religion probably led to them being pretty casual about it with me. My dad was raised Catholic, which I didn't even know about until I was 12 or so since he never mentioned it. My mom is Lutheran, and that's how I was raised. I haven't heard many stories in detail, but my dad did not have good experiences with the Catholic church and all of their rules and regulations. He doesn't deal well with authority, so that probably didn't help. Apparently when him and my mom were planning their wedding, they went through a huge hassle with the Church. Since my mom wasn't interested in converting to Catholicism, they were not permitted to be married in a Catholic church. I think there were other things that my dad was told had to be done, which I'm sure were promptly ignored. My dad, I believe, was estranged from his religious background already, but that whole escapade might have been the last straw. He told me point blank when I talked about it with him once that when I was born, he stated that he would never have me raised as a Catholic. *shrug*

I've been to a few Catholic masses, and I felt very awkward at most of them. At the first one, I was heavily questioning whether I even considered myself a Christian at all, and then I was thrown into this mass that was completely different from anything I had ever went to. I was with a friend and her grandparents, so I didn't feel like I could ask questions about what I should do, so I went up and took communion with everyone else. Like Boozy with her confirmation story, I probably shouldn't have done that, but I was only 14 at the time.

I haven't been to church in a long, long time, and I thankfully never receive any flack for it. When I stopped going to Christmas Eve service, my grandma was probably disappointed and she tried to get me to go, but she didn't nag or harass me about it. And now, my parents have known about my differing beliefs for 13 years or so, and they're very understanding for the most part. My grandma probably still thinks I'm Christian, and I'm perfectly fine letting her believe that.

[Andara Bledin]

My parents never did the church thing, so my brother and I never got pushed into anything.

I vaguely remember sitting in Sunday school when my grandmother attended services when I was 6 or so. And I attended a ceremony where a couple renewed their vows for their 50th anniversary, also with my grandmother. I must have attended a few services when little with my grandmother, too, because my mother has a tale of my younger brother asking my grandmother if she knew the hymn they were singing because she was singing harmony.

One of the people at my workplace has a sister who is the stereotypical controlling religious type whose children almost universally rebel at the first chance. Said work person made a point of being someone her children could go to if they ever needed someone to turn to and their mother was not available. Two of the three adult children escaped at first chance, taking refuge with their aunt so they could have a chance to find their own paths. The other adult child is following in their parent's footsteps as an overbearing religious type. The last child, who is not yet old enough to fly the coop, appears to be going full rebellion and is already making rather poor life choices and seems disinclined to stop or learn from them.

^-.-^

[Ginger Tea]

To my knowledge I've never been to any sermon's only inside a church for one reason or another (School trip for one). My dad had the forced religion till he left for the air force and I don't recall my mum's (neither are alive to ask with out an Ouija mouse mat) but they agreed not to force the issue on us, which left me and my brother under taught by the time RE came to the class rooms, which suited me fine and gave my brother an annecdote.

What's the difference between a Catholic and a Prostitute? he said meaning to say Protestant
Is there one? My dad replied

I forget how old he was when this happened